Maybe the stars don't mean anything...maybe it just means I managed to write something in journal for 5 consecutive days, or maybe people think I put them up myself suffering from self-congratulatory whim...hmmm.
Mustn't think about it but modestly plow along. (and maybe it's been a while since I got a compliment as stars are obviously heady experience.)
I will Never.Ever. not eat enough for breakfast again. And not getting enough sleep, that must be the root of all evil. Seriously. We just wrestled the kids to bed and I feel god awful....couldn't face the red freezer thing, so shoved it back in and had a bowl of sunflower seeds, raisins and coconut flakes. And some miso soup. and cheese with apple. and I feel blech. Need bath and bed. :P
No breakfast at all today, apart from a pat of butter in my tea. Nothing in the house. So I cleaned out the kids' closets and sorted all their clothes to give away and see what they need, then went to the mall with them to buy what was missing and miscellaneous other, then to the supermarket and the Farmers Market, where I bled at the meat stand. So. No more money spending, the kids are set until next fall, and I have to stretch the food I have until next Saturday.
It was 4 pm by the time I got home and had a piece of leftover salmon right out of the fridge...still didn't feel uncomfortably hungry, but when eyes saw food, hands acted.
Then I hung up all the new kids clothes and now I'm having a pack of Seaweed crisps (OHSOGOOD) and a cup of cherry tea with butter. God, if I wanted to cut calories, high fat would def be the way to do it. I mean, what, I probably had 500 cal tops, and I think I could now jsut stop eating for today. But won't do it to not trigger weird after effects like sleepless night.
So the great news: I'm totally fat adapted. It really works! I have energy I couldn't even dream about when I started this. I'm so grateful to this forum to keeping me at it....thank you, guys.
Oh noooo, not enough sleep....yawn. Not in a good mood, but then, nobody is.
Big old breakfst of bacon, patties and eggs did nada, even though I had the house clean and vacuumed before I got hte kids to preschool, then wrote three hours. Baby was killin me though, she was in such a terrible mood that she went straight to bed when we got back. Older kid made Apple crisp with class, and I HAD TO EAT IT. She was so proud I had to. It was like a half cup of sugar, some of it in lumps, with cinnamon and a few oats....the worst. So now I deserve a break. For like, the rest of the day. I will clean and maybe sew something, that's calming. Also tea.
Much better today after restful sleep. Managed to get everything fed and dressed and cleaned by 8:50, which means I can sit here for ten minutes with a cup of tea. A friend is going to come over before I'm back dropping the kids off, bringing her *sigh* little boy.
Also finished my short yesterday and have to do final read and then send it off today. Also decided to write and send off next story within two weeks. Also have writing critiques due and next chapter of novel and and and, and alltogether wish friend to hell as have to work. Hm. Must work more at night, I guess, but lately I've been so tired I can't even take a bath. So must pace myself better as to have energy left at end of day. Yes.
Also have lost 2 lbs with obsessive decluttering (yey for the Flylady!) which is nice. See? All better with sleep.
Had bacon, one egg and bowl of kefir with honey and blueberries for breakfast. Then I was weak and hungry by 11:30, and gobbled down a thing of sardines and a bowl of marrow broth with potato and kale. And now I am TIRED. Could fall asleep on the couch if there wasn't so much stuff to do. Hm. Must cut out the honey and maple sirup again, it has been sneaking back in.
I also must cut out telling people about how I eat. They honestly think I am crazy. cRaZy. Then [I]I [/I]have to listen for hours how Chia seeds will be the answer to the problems of an otherwise SAD diet, and that fatigues me.
Here is the program for this afternoon:
3.make chicken soup
4.clean out basement closet
5.Write 3 pages of draft for new short story
6.do final read of finished story
7.send finished story off
8. submit 1 critique for writing group
9. agonize about whether or not to revise potential unworthy novel ms after one-year break or just ditch and move on to next which is plotted but not even drafted.
Better get started then.
got much, but not all done. Had a bagel yesterday night, with strawberry cream cheese. Blech. I need to eat more breakfast and quit the sugar again. Yes. But this morning had to rush out of hte house with kids in nightgowns in a little family emergency where I had to jump in and didn't return until noon, when I had three slices of bacon and a pork patty. pattie? Hm.
Dinner will be pizza, as have guests with kids over. TOmorrow then. :P
Last night I think I slept from maybe ten till 12:30, and then from 5 till 7:30. That's almost 5 hours awake in the middle of the night. Like, wide awake. I can't really move around without waking the rest up, so was mostly tossing in bed with ashort foray outside to dig out some packaging for a return that I had already tossed. It's not ideal, I'd rather sleep. Wtf IS that?? Always i the 2nd part of the cycle, so must be the goddamn hormones. Grrrr.
Anyway, felt surprisingly well today despite weird sleep and had breakfast of three rashes of bacon, an egg and a sausage pattie. I wanted coffee so I made some, took a couple sips and tossed it all down the drain and made some tea. All that fat I think gave me the runs and I spent some time on the toilet....oh well....
Yesterday I had to drive somewhere in the morning, and swithced the heating in the car on...within an hour, I had a HUGE swollen, red and itchy eye and runny nose. By that time I was in a friend's house and she gave me Claritin ad coffee. Then I got an itchy red rash on my chest. THe eczema in my elbows, which had totally disappeared, flared up with a vengeance. My bosy was not happy at all. The claritin cleared up the eye within a couple hours, but the rash and eczema are only slowly going away.
I didn't know I was THAT allergic to something. It's like the cleaner I eat, the more sensitive my body is to allergens. I suppose there must have been pollen or something in the path of the air coming from the heater, but I had it on before and not sure what the hell happened? Sheesh.
The weird sleep took its toll on me yesterday evening- good thing I didn't have too much crappy food in the house. I made pulled pork for dinner, but was too tired to eat much. Then I tried a beer but didn't like it after a sip, then had a thing of seaweed crisps, then a gummi worm whihc was disgusting and then I managed to haul myself into bed. THis mornign I was mad/sad/hormonal so tried to stay out of my family's way, then busied myself with cooking and cleaning until I felt better. I took the little one to the supermarket and we bought more crisps, little white china plates to finally get rid of the Ikea plastic plates the kids been using, and crab meat for sushi. I'm still on the edge, but somewhat contained. Had a huge bowl of pulled pork with rice for breakfast, and now must scuttle off to pick up older kid from preschool.
PMS really pulled a number on me this time....also period is 4 days early, coinciding with family visit and a feverish head cold. Ugh. The kids are sick too and need TLC and lots of service runs, and Dh is off again on a business trip. I feel like utter crap.
I'm also eating no-matter-what, including GOLDFISH and COOKIES and PASTA and all other things I truly do not enjoy one bit but eat in what? deperate bid to stay alive, I guess. Frontal lobes know full well it'll make it only worse, but brain stem is not actually interested in conscious opinion of newfangled brainpart. What's next, it mutters and forces hand from cookie bag into mouth. Yes yes. Have no control.
As soon as neuronal order is restored I will however go to Gyn and make him give me prescription for Lybrel. Will not deal with hormones anymore as is ridiculous stone around neck and modern woman must go and mess around herself to see what works. Monthly popping of eggs and shedding of random linings is def overrated. So are sinus infections and men on business trips.
I want bone broth but is not done yet....