Chasing my own tail, but never happier
I am happy. I am thin. I seldom think of what I should or shouldn't eat. I just eat. Once in a while I eat something off of plan but just enjoy it and move on. My so-called treats are of higher caliber and are enjoyed more. As a rule and 90% of the time I eat grass fed beef, organic eggs and chicken thighs, lots of coconut oil and coconut milk, scads of veggies, a little fruit, avocadoes, maybe a few raw nuts. My skin is clear and unlined and my workouts are fun. Some days I skip meals, some days I have 4 meals. My appetite waxes and wanes. I had to take a brief vacation from working out as I pinched a nerve in my scapula and was miserable. In fact, I am back to "it" tomorrow and really looking forward to easing my way back in.
My new job is at least more financially rewarding. I'm just done with the biz mentally, which is cool. I am using my "doneness" to propel myself into being succesful with voice overs and am taping my demo in a couple of weeks, getting an agent, joining as many casting services as I can and focusing focusing focusing. Taking some more workshops. Having FUN.
I've cut all of the asshats out of my life. I haven't spoken to a single emotional vampire since I moved. My social life is very pruned down and I'll fill it up with the right positive people. I don't mind being single and get a little kick out of being asked out even though I've not accepted any invites as yet. I saw Mr. Man this week (yeh, another favor, go figure) and enjoyed every moment I was there with him. He was nervous when I first saw him as we hadn't been alone really in about 5 months. I've simply no idea where he is at with his so-called relationship and, at this point, we really are just friends. Oh, we flirt a bit and can't break our gaze with one another but time will tell if we are meant to be. Yes, fingers crossed a bit.
Anyway, life is good and I'm grateful. My way of eating and working out have given me yet more confidence and self assurance. More in a couple of weeks...
All the news that's fit to tell...
I just seem to have the urge to blog a little bit more than I have of late. I'm keyed up from a great Sunday. Fantastic workout: cable squats (easier on my vertebrae, more focus on form), db lunges, pull downs, seated rows, bench, mili presses, dips and overhead extensions. Just cranked up my tunes on Pandora and the time really flew. I ate well today and just finished some grass fed meatballs and baby artichokes. Pretty yummo. Got a ton of work done, kept my mood up, up, up.
I spent the day by myself. Hey, at least I'm good company! I was invited by J's sister to have Easter dinner with them. Between the utter awkwardness of it all and the crap food I decided I'd fare better solo. I have to really be a good kiddo with food and never ever eat inorganic meats/poultry. Warning: girly stuff ahead. So, I had a super rough cycle this last month. In fact, i was pretty weak. This on the heels of no cycle for 2 months. About time and about right for a woman who will be 55 (!!!!) in May. But, years ago I had some issues with small fibroids (estrogen dominant), had a myomectomy and for a little while was better. Then the heavy stuff was back with a vengeance a couple years back. I actually was very diligent about foods for a while and had an easy time of it. In fact, I had no cycles during the time of my Whole 30. It's so easy to be quasi good and still eat primally. Or, kinda. But, I've been lax about consuming inorganic meats and poultry when I eat out at accounts. No more. My health is too important. So, I don't want to call it another Whole 30 because it really just has to be from now on out.
Anyway, I'm cool with it all.
Set adrift on memory bliss...
All is well. Most importantly, I'm happy as I've said in previous entries. Oh, I'm always happy, really...but more so now than ever. I awaken daily just grateful for the life I have, for my health, my gifts in life, my luck, my humor.
Workouts have been amazing. Oh, in typical Grokalicious fashion, I've been overdoing a bit, but less than usual. Ha. Squats x 3, lunges x 1; lat pull downs x 3, seated rows x 1; bench x 3, pec deck x 1; mili press x 3, rear delts x 1; dips x 3, db extensions x 1. Wednesday I will reverse (e.g. Lunges x 3, squats x 1 and so on). Planks. I don't work biceps because they seem to work just fine in a secondary way when I do everything else. I'm flummoxed. The lateral head of my triceps is developed and gently striated on both arms. The medial head? Nothing. No clue why. I'm taking the day off tomorrow from the gym. Deloading. I sprint once a week, give or take. But, I don't really take a daily walk. On the other hand, all I do all day, every day, is walk, walk, walk for work. So, voila.
I am starting a 4 day potato hack diet tomorrow. I've plateaued a wee bit and want to push myself a little (quel surpris). I think I've read every controversial potato thread in the nutrition forum and want to try for myself. We shall see. I'll have to buy batteries for my scale and do it right. I like potatoes but bet I like them less by Friday night. I worry a little about spiking blood glucose but am hoping for the best.
I will see Mr. Man this weekend. Should be interesting. And, my flirtation with the Frenchman has segued, at least for the time being, into friendship. I know he's interested in me because he makes little comments. I mean, you'd have to be completely inept to misconstrue "you have a nice behind" to be purely platonic. Still, he and I both hold back a little. Who knows why with him (a hidden wife? Mistress? GF?). For me, it's because I have to have resolution one way or the other with Mr. Man. Move forward or pull completely back. Truth be told, I think I'd like to date (this, in spite of declarations to the opposite earlier in this journal). I miss that focused male/female energy thing.
Anyway, if it isn't Frenchie or Mr. Man, it'll be someone every bit as attractive to me on every level.
You say "poe-tay-toe," I say "pah-tah-toe."
Ok, so that was weird. I had potatoes for breakfast. Meh. Just fueling my body. Brought a few small cold potatoes to snack on while driving around selling wine to the unsuspecting. Not much one can do with a cold potato to make it palatable (unless you add fat which won't work on this hack). I simple ate them so my tummy would stop growling. And, in spite of really really trying, I didn't enjoy one bite. S'ok. Not like I was craving chocolate or pretzels. What I actually was craving was FAT. Ugh. Went from a high healthy fat diet to a low one over night and am sobbing like mad because I miss the hell out of avocados, coconut milk or oil, etc. Ok, I'm not actually sobbing but it sounded more dramatic. Just a few days of it. I may do this for 3 days every week until my bday on the 4th.
I will say that the potatoes I enjoyed at dinner were delish. I seasoned them up and, voila. Yummo. So, it can be done. I can't tell if I'm tired or having a wee hypoglycemic reaction to my potato dinner but I am definitely drowsy all at once. I may have to take a nap before bed. Ha. And, I'm still hungry. Kinda.
Scheduled to work out in the morning. I think I'll do it on a fasted tummy. Don't want to mess with the spike and drop in blood sugar that I'm sure comes after every feeding.
Great day, great mood. The world is my oyster, or at least my potato...
I'll try anything once...
Even the potato hack for a few days. Ahhhh, failure. How little I know of you and how little I want to know of you. Let me just say that not only did I not enjoy adventures in spuds, but I had massive blood sugar spikes and subsequent plunges, as well as (ahem) weight gain. No fats were added. I followed it to the letter and now? Why now I can wave adieu to it and go back to how I'd been eating.
And what a week it was. My car was broken into while I was in an account. Smashed the window, stole my iPad which was hidden completely out of sight. The temptation was a bag from DSW with a box of brand new shoes in it. So, bye-bye iPad, shoes, perfume, bag of makeup, nice purse. Hello to replacing everything on the list and fixing the window. I did get a new iPad 4 (and a free new iPhone 5 as the nice gents at Apple noticed it wasn't working properly and I was still under warranty). Eh, it is what it is. I'm okay, so that's what counts.
Saw Mr. Man today for an hour (yes, yes, another favour). He finished the favour and kept talking and laughing and keeping me there. I enjoy him so much but the long distance relationship is still in play. Uggggh. Then, later a text and a call from Frenchie. Another enigma. He flirts like mad, makes it obvious he finds me attractive but won't ask me out. Of course, I said I wouldn't go out until he left his current job at which he was one of my wine customers. Well, today was his last day there, so we shall see. And, lots of other attractive and interesting men out there. Out with friends tonight and had a very non primal glass of wine.
Working out in the morning, cleaning the house, readying myself for the rest of the week ahead. 2 weeks until I tape my demo and take some private VO coaching.
And, best of all...or tonight anyway, bacon in the morning. First bacon since the whole potato debacle. Ahhhhh, life is good!
Fate will always find a way...
if it's meant to be.
Still primal. Still lean but hovering even now at 127. Pants are loose, appetite is down from the heat. Workouts are going well. I won't hit my weight goals by my bday on Saturday but am lean enough I don't care. Insomnia this eve because of a 6 pm espresso. Bleggh. No commercial meat, either grass fed or I switch to wild salmon. No dairy, loads of fat. I'm not enjoying food so much so eating can be a chore. Out for dinner tomorrow night to start celebrating my birthday so am hoping to fall in love with my dinner. I may even have dessert if they have fruit.
I've been taking private voice lessons for my voice over demo. Can't wait! My coach is moving so I will have to wait to tape a little longer. S'ok. Work is fine but I'm still kinda done. I'm just burned out on this biz. Onward!
I told Frenchy to take a hike. Just don't have time for drama and bs flattery that doesn't even begin to ring true. Saw Mr. Man this evening. He fixed something for me and I hung out with him for a while after. We laughed so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes. Sigh. I love being around him. Time goes by way too quickly then. I stuck out my hand to shake his when I was getting ready to go but in one smooth movement he grabbed it and pulled me in tightly to hug me. I actually gasped aloud. Tsk. He teased and teased me the whole time I was there and I did the same to him. It was the first time we were alone together in a while and the first time one of us didn't have to hurry off to do something. It was a warm and somewhat sultry evening and just amazingly fun for no good reason. I guess sooner or later one of us is going to have to say something. And yes, I am gushing a bit. Just smitten.
Anyway, I have to be up in 2 hours to get ready for a rah-rah sales meeting. Seems pointless to try to sleep but I'm actually feeling drowsy at long last.
And, I seem to embrace a complete lack of focus in this post...