Just read your journal, very interesting and thanks for sharing here. I hope you find it as motivating as I do to journal all the sads and bads and joys and thrills. Hopefully many more joys and thrills! But being here can really help in those bumpy spots.
Thanks! I'm reading yours, too! Your goat story sucked me right in. I like this forum a lot, and coming back to report on how things are going really helps keep me on track. :)
I hate not getting enough sleep these days. Especially since for me, it's the strongest tool in the fat-loss tool box. Usually if I get less than 7 hours there's no chance of a drop in weight on the scale.
Lately, I don't set my clock for the same time every day. I set it for no less than 7 hours after I turn off the light. Sometimes, if I stay up too late, I end up late for work. My boss is pretty flexible, and I stay late a lot to make up for it, but I do have to show up in the ballpark of my start time on a fairly regular basis or people start side-eyeing me. So this is a fairly efficient way for me to regulate bedtime and still get the sleep I need.
Some days, though, it just doesn't work. I set the alarm for 7 hours after lights out last night, and then this morning I woke up an hour and a half before it went off. Couldn't go back to sleep to save my life. So I figured, at least I wouldn't be late to work, right? I got up, showered, made an actual real breakfast with eggs (a LOT of eggs) and coffee, left for work on time.
Then, of course, traffic was horrible and I was fifteen minutes late anyway. Because this is my life.
On the bright side, though, I adore my commute. I know a lot of people get stressed out commuting, but the car time for me is precious. It's alone time, just me and my audiobook, or me and my playlists, or if I'm not in the mood for either, me and the weather. This morning the day was gorgeous, the sky was blue and the air was cool. I drove in with the window down, blasting Barenaked Ladies and singing along with the likely irreparable damage to my eardrums. It was lovely. :) And when I got in, I learned my boss was working from home, so nobody actually cared that I was late.
Plus, it's casual summer. Can't beat that. :)
Yesterday wasn't as charming. I've been feeling a little off since I got back from vacation - tired, shaky, a little weak in the legs, which of course makes me incredibly paranoid about my muscles. I have always had amyopathic dermatomyositis - the amyopathic is key. It means no muscle involvement. But even people with ADM can sometimes develop plain old DM with the neuromuscular degeneration thing, so I'm always paying really close attention to my strength and balance and things. The past couple of days have been physically challenge because I wasn't feeling right and also emotionally challenging because I was flipping out a bit.
But I think -- I hope -- it was just related to trying to taper down on the prednisone a little too fast last week. I'd bumped my dosage up to 10 mg a day during the couple of days of my vacation, to make sure I didn't have a random rashy outbreak of itchiness, and since it was only for a few days, and only a couple mg, I thought I could ramp it down fairly quickly. I went from 10 to 9 to 8 to 7, and that may have been just too fast. Last night I was feeling so bad in the evening that I took another couple MG to top myself off, and felt better within half an hour. Today, at 9mg, I feel really good again. So for now I'm writing it off to prednisone withdrawal, but I'll check with my doctor next time I see him and let him know what's going on. And I'll go back to my usual -1g/month taper schedule instead of trying to race my adrenal glands.
I'm planning on today being good. It's a rare day of NO MEETINGS WHATSOEVER for me, so just between me and MDA, I plan to do a LOT of web surfing today. :)
I enjoyed reading your post. Its nice to read or see someone like me with more than a couple pounds to lose. Kinda helps not feeling alone. One of my hobbies is sewing and I find it so difficult cause all the sewing blogs are skinny hot chics and I just cant relate. Big chick sewing blogs not a lot of them around. Good luck.
oh and post some meals for me.... I am struggling with meals..
Yeah, I have quite a way to go, and I agree it's nice to have company on the way down. I'm lucky in a way, my work place is pretty diverse in terms of size, so my first goal was just to NOT be the heaviest person here! I already passed that one, so now I'm trying to get out of the top third.
Happy to post some meals, though I should tell you, I'm not always the greatest at eating enough calories! Eating enough is a challenge for me, since even a little fat and protein keep me from being hungry for hours and hours. The problem is, if I drop too low on calories, I stop losing weight. So I've got a line to walk.
For instance, I'm totally not eating enough for lunch today. Lunch=one avocado with lime and one banana. Usually if I'm going to do an "easy" lunch it's just two avocados. But primal stretches my food budget, so when I run out of avocados for the week, that's it for the week. Today's my last one! The banana is a rare indulgence, and I mainly got it because one avocado is a kind of ridiculous lunch and that's all the fruit our lunch counter has today.
Breakfast today was four scrambled eggs and coffee with heavy cream.
Dinner yesterday was also lame - I didn't feel like doing much, so I just put two tiny eye of round steaks in a skillet for a minute or two on each side and that was it. I should have had a vegetable or something, but laziness won. I usually like my steak rare, and you have to make eye of round pretty rare to get it soft enough to eat, but these were so rare they were mooing on the plate. Still, they were good, and I seem to have suffered no ill effects.
Lunch yesterday was two orders of chicken waldorf salad -- grilled chicken, blue cheese, dried cranberries, walnuts and sliced granny smith apple. Also not on my "regular" list because a) I try not to buy food at work and b) it also has mayo in it which will have some kind of seed oil, and I watch my Omega 3:6 ratio. But it was filling and that's probably why I didn't care much about dinner.
I skipped breakfast yesterday except for coffee with cream, due to intermittent fasting. For me, "intermittent fasting" = "running late for work." I'm still too out of shape to really be doing much intermittent fasting, so I do try to have breakfast every day if I can. Usually it's eggs or an avocado or two, sometimes with bacon if I've been smart and cooked some ahead of time.
LAST week I was awesome - I made a version of Mark's Texas no-bean chili and had it for lunch all week. It was delicious and totally primal.
Foodwise, I follow only four real guidelines:
1) I don't eat grains, except once in a very long while some white rice (sushi-addict here.) I never, ever eat wheat - I'm extremely gluten sensitive.
2) I pay a lot of attention to where my meat comes from. Grass-fed, about 90% of the time.
3) I avoid seed oils as much as possible - at my weight, and with my autoimmune issues, I have a lot of inflammation to deal with.
4) With the exception of a few squares of very dark (74% cocoa) chocolate almost every day, I don't eat any sugar and I keep my other carbs very low, so I stay in ketosis most of the time.
I guess I should say I don't eat any legumes, either, but that's never been a hardship - I never ate them anyway, out of preference. The only thing I really miss is peanut butter, and I don't miss it all that much.
Oh, and I don't count calories or carbs. I just guess. I just sort of know the basic macro ratios of the foods I eat, and guess. I know when I've eaten too little or too much, and if I overdo the carbs I go out of ketosis; that's how I keep track.
Mostly I just keep it simple; I'm not much of a cook. When I need oil, I use olive or coconut oil or butter. I don't avoid dairy, but I only consume high-fat dairy - never milk. Probably 90% of my dairy intake is the cream in my morning coffee.
I'm not a big fan of vegetables, and I don't sweat it too much, because I eat pretty clean. Every now and then I'll have a sweet potato or some broccoli or a salad. I love broccoli but I hate to make it; I don't have the attention span for precise steaming. Whenever my room mate makes it, I eat a ton. :) I like tomatoes and bell peppers a lot. I eat fruit, but mainly strawberries, blackberries, raspberries, and blueberries. Rarely bananas or oranges or apples, not as a regular staple. In summer I eat a LOT of watermelon. I have no idea how high sugar it must be, but it certainly TASTES incredibly sweet, and I'm absolutely incapable of resisting it; therefore, life is better when I don't try. :)
Sometimes I have bulletproof coffee in the morning - not the expensive coffee, but just adding butter and some coconut oil to the coffee I have, instead of adding cream. It's a shortcut to calories for me, for when I'm in a hurry. But cleaning the blender afterwards is a bitch, so I don't do it very often.
Wow, that is so much more info than you asked for! But sometimes it's good for me to write out what I mean to do and then measure myself against what I actually do. So we'll pretend I was doing that, instead of navel-gazing. :)
Hey Merryish - Just read your journal and it's so inspiring. I love stories where people have regained their health and now have belief in a great furure. Keep it up - you are awesome!
Thanks, @mudflinger! I'm trying to keep journaling to keep myself in line. :)
Today is... not awesome. Yesterday also definitely not awesome. I'm trying to keep my spirits up, but I'm having a bit of a health scare so my nerves are jangling. I've got a patch on my tongue that's gone a little weird - it's either some sort of fungal thing (it looks nothing like thrush; it's an almost perfect 1cm "erosion" at the tip of my tongue) or it's "geographic tongue." The joys of being immunocompromised, right?
I have antifungal lozenges from my PCP, and I'm seeing an oral surgeon for a second look and possible biopsy on Monday. But in the mean time I can't keep myself off the internet, and I keep googling things that scare me. Like the fact that oral thrush (it looks nothing like thrush, I remind myself) can get into your lungs and cause interstitial lung disease if you're immunocompromised. My mom died of COPD at 73, and I have an absolute terror of lung diseases in general.
I just keep reminding myself of things like: 1) it really looks nothing like thrush. 2) it looks pretty much exactly like very mild geographic tongue, which is totally benign and transitory. 3) My PCP said it also didn't look at all like cancer and would be shocked if it turned out to be. He said the edges were too regular and it was too perfectly round. The biopsy is to find out if it's fungal and if so, what kind, since the possibility of it being cancer is so very low.
I just get wigged out by all things cancerish (thanks to dermatomyositis) and lung-ish (thanks to dermatomyositis and my mom). So keeping my stress level under control is my big challenge for the next few days.
On the bright side, I'm certainly getting my fair ration of coconut oil now, and that's cheering. And it's been a good launch for my whole30 for September - I've cut out dairy early, because I don't want to expose this to any sugars. Plus, I'm waaaaaay into ketosis again....
My primal compliance has been rocky lately, which is a little frustrating, because I'm usually pretty solid. I got sick last week, which basically sapped all the willpower I have (I'm a big baby when I'm sick), and I'm just now starting to recover. So I thought it would be a good idea to update just to note that a) I need to be even more vigilant when I'm sick or recovering from being sick, and b) even my "bad" days are actually not all that bad anymore.
So, uh, I ate a little ice cream, which was magic for my sore throat. But I kept it minimal, and I don't feel terrible about it.
I also ate a LOT of sushi, including the white rice. I know there are differing views around here on white rice, but I tend to avoid it more for its carb content than anything else. Sushi is my go-to comfort food these days, and all things considered, I could do a lot worse. However, I don't feel good about the soy sauce. It was gluten-free soy sauce, but it was [I]soy [/I]sauce, which I'm usually really good about avoiding.
I also ate some chicken fried rice a few times - again, it's the soy and the seed oil that makes me feel bad about that indulgence.
Then there was the dark chocolate, which I did not skimp on, and a bunch of nuts when I usually avoid most nuts, and some bananas and pineapple which are fine in moderation when you're trying to lose weight, but I ... was not moderate. At all. :)
It wasn't a great week/week and a half for me. It definitely knocked me out of ketosis. But there are some good things to report, too.
First, it could have been [I]so much worse.[/I] I know I harp on this a lot, but before I started eating Primally, my "bad days" were catastrophic. There would have been fast food runs, PILES of ice cream instead of a scoop here or there, ordering out every night, bags of chips, Starbucks galore. When I think about the crap I ate once upon a time, and compare it to the things I feel a twinge of guilt about now, the difference is almost laughable. So, I'm out of ketosis - so what? I've been "back on the wagon" for a couple of days now, I'll probably be back in ketosis by tonight. And at least I didn't spend the entire week I was sick eating poison. I tripped a little on the straight and narrow path; I didn't fall all the way off the planet.
I was hoping to do a Whole 30 for September, but I'm using this as yet another reason to postpone cutting out dairy. Why is this ONE THING so freakishly hard for me to give up? I can lower my dairy intake - I eat a ton less than I used to, I don't drink milk ever, and I only eat a little cheese here and there these days. But the heavy cream in my coffee is like LIFEBLOOD, I cannot seem to make myself live without it on a regular basis.
I did try using coconut milk instead of cream yesterday, and it wasn't terrible. The taste was different, but it wasn't bad. I just need to figure out if I can live with it for 30 days....
So, getting back on track went great during the week, and then there was this weekend.
My sleep has gone completely wacky, and I couldn't figure out why. I knew I wasn't getting enough of it - late night reading combined with early morning contractors in the house every day had me at three hours Thursday night and barely six hours Friday night.
Then - possibly because of the lack of sleep? I don't know - I lost my mind with regards to eating over the weekend. I went overboard on the dark chocolate this weekend, went to Starbucks twice and had sugary coffee drinks, and had sushi and fried rice for lunch Sunday.
All that would be bad enough. But I determined I'd go to bed early Sunday night, get myself back on track, right? I turned off the light at 9pm. And then I just lay there for an hour and a half with my brain and heart racing.
After that I got up and went downstairs. I tested my blood sugar, fairly sure of what I'd find, and it was really high for me -- 125, and it had been at least 4 hours since I'd eaten last. No wonder I felt weird. I was buzzing inside like I was full of angry bees.
I did some exercise to see if I could burn some of it off, then took a long cool shower, and dropped down to 118. This morning I was only down to 113.
That's about as clear a signal as I'm going to get that it's time to get back to basics. The start of the 21-day Primal Challenge is oddly well-timed for me. So here I am, recommitting to a sugar-free and RICE-free existence. (Weird that it's the RICE that gets me. I don't miss bread or pasta at all, and it never tempts me!)
Today's breakfast was 3 eggs cooked in butter. Lunch will be humanely-sourced sausage, and dinner likely to be broccoli and a bunless grass-fed burger or two. Hopefully I can yank my sugar back down enough to actually sleep tonight.
Merry- thank for your posts and journal I enjoy. Reading it. I am doing better with the insatiable hunger monster and have lost about 3the pounds. Its still slow going but I am making a greater effort to count my food. Its amazing what food is made if that can throw you out of wacky so easy. I am Hispanic so beans are a huge issue for me. I ate a cup thinking they weren't bad but they were like 22I carbs. That sucks. But I guess if I cheat wth a cup of fresh beans it really ain't so bad.