Becoming the example and leaving everyone in the dust...
...is so much harder than I ever expected.
Been following Mark for about a year and a half now. In theory, I fully know in my heart and mind THIS is the way to eat, to live and to be. In practice, not so much. I preach and preach and preach, but when it's coming from a person who still hasn't fully and truly committed to make it work for herself, it rightfully falls on deaf ears. I mean really -- who in their right mind will take dietary and living advice from a 5'2" - 195lb (sexy) woman?
This all sooooooo very clicked for me last week. I had gone through a phase of wanting to be like everyone else by being food-social. You know. Pizza, office cake, Friday take-out, donuts with the husband, graduation party food, etc. And beer. Lots and lots of delicious beer. And I'm gluten and dairy sensitive! Yet I still knowingly did damage to myself, essentially killing myself for acceptance.
Then it all caught up to me. My digestion is in the toilet (ha, literally) and I'm sure my immune system is out of whack. I gained back weight I had lost. The tipping point was a week ago when I had a night of beers and look like I was 9 mo preggers. Yup, looks like my old friend candida has come back to visit.
I've been through this before. I told myself then NEVER AGAIN. And here I am again. I wallowed for a bit (ok, I'm still doing a little wallowing). And cried. The part of my life of going out to the bar and knocking back some beers with my husband was ending -- one of our favorite activities. I knew the struggle ahead of me to conquer the yeasty beast and get back on track once again.
Fast forward to yesterday. My eating is tight. I'm doing some walking and gardening. Supplementing properly to get my digestion back on course. It's all moving in the right direction. But, what is going to make it different this time? The revelation I had taking a walk. A clear-headed walk. I've always been the type of person that never seemed to truly fit in with everyone else. With me, there's always a 'twist'. Primal. This. Is. My. Twist. And it's OK that others around me aren't on board the train. I can talk all I want about making the journey. On how good it feels. But, until I arrive, I can NEVER be the example.
I now have NO FEAR. After a long talk with my husband, he's completely supportive of my chosen way even if it's not his (yet -- I really think he needs to see it for himself and make the choice to join me on his own). There is no fear of our relationship falling apart because of change. Yes, we'll have to find alternatives to hoisting beers (mmmmm, vodka -- ok, that was too easy, lol). It'll be a challenge at times, but knowing he is still my safety net is huge.
I finally have NO FEAR of everyone else. Any naysayer. My coworkers, friends and family. The "oh you can have just a little, can't ya" and "what CAN you eat" people. F*CK them. Seriously. I'm done. I'm done trying to be part of a society that's killing everyone with wheat, sugar and food chemicals. Done, done, done. I am now my own primal person. I won't lecture. I won't conform. I will just be and let my transformation speak for itself.
<<thanks for listening -- not expecting any replies -- just really needed to air this in a friendly and understanding place -- these forums can be crazy at times, but yinz are all cool>>