I've been thinking about getting a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Let me know how it is!
I've been thinking about getting a copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility. Let me know how it is!
Hey skittles -
So I haven't been doing great. Monday and Tuesday were fine, and I'm actually pretty impressed that I haven't craved my usual dark chocolate squares after meals. Maybe I'm breaking the mental reflex.
Anyways, yesterday was the 4th and I went down town to see the fireworks with a friend. She's been depressed lately because it's her favorite holiday and first without the ex...so I felt obliged to drink wine in a box and sulk with her. We bought Kettle Corn. WHY DID WE BUY KETTLE CORN?!?!?!?! It was so gross yet I still ate half the bag. Curse you wine-in-a-box-induced munchies!!!!
Then I came home and had a piece of cheesecake. I had been avoiding the ice cream in the freezer all day, and then my mom makes cheesecake. I.love.cheesecake. It's delicious. And it was delicious, although a store bought graham cracker crust so not even the best. Why do I self sabotage. Day 3 is always the hardest....
I also had a really improper lunch, both yesterday and today, which I think affected it. Was in a hurry yesterday so had a bunch of chicken and sweet potatoes and nuts and a few dried fruits (how can anyone eat more than one dried fig? It's a whole freaking fig!!!!) Dinner was rushed too...some more chicken and out to see fireworks. Probably why I was craving food last night. Good one jeeves.
So today was fine. Lunch was nuts at the farm because I had nothing else (forgot to pack and didn't want to come home). Also some snap peas from the field. No chocolate again. Bought some delicious raspberries at the farmer's market, but my trip there is so quick. Almost makes me upset that I don't have to go to any of the other farm stands because that's where all the attractive hippie farm boys are. Oh well.
Anyways, tonight. Dinner was cod and swiss chard. I used to love this meal, but now I dread it because it never ever ever fills me up. Cod lacks in fat! SO I had a spoonful of almond butter afterwards with some cherries and am now feeling sated but also a little bloated because I've eaten a lot of nuts in the last two days.
Tonight I have a date, and we're going for bowling and pizza. Gah. Why did I agree to this. At this point it would be awkward not to eat a slice. I'll see what happens, but chances are I'm going to feel like yuck tomorrow morning after eating pizza. Will try to keep it to one slice and call it a day. Either that or I'll pocket a bunch while he goes to the bathroom and leave them in my fridge, but I feel bad doing that because I don't want my family to eat this stuff. Gah! Dilemma.
So.freaking.exhausted at the farm today. Really didn't think I was going to make it, and I think it comes from major dehydration. Need to keep on top of that, but I drank ~4 liters of water today and was still parched. mom suggested gatorade, but I can't imagine putting that ish into my body.
Me to my mom just now:
"I don't know what's wrong with me today I have such a brain fog...ooooooooh"
LIGHTBULB! Last night was awful. Well, awfully gluten filled, but still actually tasty. Had a really delicious beer (that I did not want to drink because every sip made me feel worse) and really delicious flat bread (that I also did not want to eat...but I kind of did because I didn't restrain myself much...and it had goat cheese on it) followed by REALLY delicious ice cream. Okay, that I wanted, but I did not want the other scoop of ice cream I dug out of the freezer when I got home ("well, the night was already shot, so I might as well screw it up BIG" mentality).
Okay, so bad night. Talked to my friend about this afterwards. The hardest part, she agreed, is the social aspect - of wanting to seem low maintenance and chill and fun - but whatever, the reality is I'm not. The reality is that I will not eat whatever is put in front of me, and I will slightly resent you if you make me pasta or cake or donuts (maybe not donuts) and insist that I share in the nastiness with you. And what's the point of starting a relationship - friendship or otherwise - without that basic honesty at the beginning? Otherwise it's just going to be awkward 4 months down the line when I'm offered pizza and say "I prefer not to eat gluten" and they bring up that first time we met when we had pizza and beer and I'm like "Yea...that made me miserable" and then it's awkward. I'm really good at making my life awkward. Maybe it's time to avoid that. So yea, from now on when someone says "pizza and beer!" I say "lamb's heart and tequila!" Maybe should find a more socially acceptable substitute for lamb's heart...
So, back on that wagon this morning, and holy shit do I feel like my body is malfunctioning. I can't believe I made the connection. My eyes are glazed over
Breakfast was bigger than usual because I'm an idiot. I was cracking eggs into my pan (from the farm) and one got stuck and broke in the carton, and so I turned it over into the pan because I was so afraid of losing such delicious and nutritious an egg and then two more fell out, and then one broke on the counter so I moved my pan over and swept it in. Oh man, eggs! so my 3 egg and steak breakfast turned into a 4 egg and steak breakfast. Was a little bummed that my eggs were scrambled, but oh well. GOOD.STORY.ABBY...
Okay, back to work. It's hawt out today and the brain fog is not helping. Cures for brain fog everyone? How about - don't be stupid and put things into your body that won't cause brain fog. I could barely even weed this morning.
Just got "taking charge of your fertility" from the biblioteca. Should be a fun week of edumacating myself! I need to make this a part of my life again. My job is super physically intensive but nothing happening in the brain region really.
Tonight I made meatza! So tasty, although the crust didn't get as crispy as I would've liked and it was more of a ground pork pie than anything else. Will have to experiment a few more times...
Caved to dark chocolate a few more times today, but I guess that's better than caving to ice cream. Have also been eating way too many nuts and am bloaty pants right now. Also too much fruit (already finished half the carton of raspberries I got from the market yesterday).
anyways, tomorrow I'm road tripping it after I get out of work to Maine to go camping with a friend and tons of her friends. independence day shin dig I guess. They are the moosewood cookbook in vivo - always have fresh baked bread, homemade oatmeal, homemade english muffins, peanuts and dried fruit, etc etc. Makes it difficult, and last time I was there I Just ate it all and felt like crap. I'm sick of this flipping brain fog. It prevents me from being a functioning human being.
SO! My plan is to pack meatza for on the road dinner (since I won't get there until 8 or so) and then hardboil a bunch of eggs for the morning, then maybe meatza again for lunch. I have some hamburger patties too I could throw in there, and I might throw in some cashews and dried figs just for flava flave.
Wish me luck in avoiding smores!
Okay, so bad night. Talked to my friend about this afterwards. The hardest part, she agreed, is the social aspect - of wanting to seem low maintenance and chill and fun - but whatever, the reality is I'm not. The reality is that I will not eat whatever is put in front of me, and I will slightly resent you if you make me pasta or cake or donuts (maybe not donuts) and insist that I share in the nastiness with you. [/QUOTE]
I'm totally with you on this - I just feel like a bitch all the time lately, and that upsets me more than what I'm even eating. Lol on the bright side, I had a bit of breakdown the other day, and both my mom and grandma were really understanding about it. I guess other people don't get as offended with us being high maintenance as WE might think they do.
Good luck camping this weekend! I dig your plan. I'm going camping soon too, looking forward to packing my primal cooler ;)
Hey folks -
So, I think I'm signing off for a while. I am getting frustrated with how little I've been able to explore agriculture (for my own education) and some other issues, and how little time I've spent dedicating to other things in my life. I feel like I'm in a good place with primal now, and this journal thing (especially because I want to keep up with all of you) is taking up too much of my time. I'm sure I'll be back sooner or later
until then, best of luck with all of your journeys and thanks so much for your support:) I will check in periodically with you all!
Oh noo!!! I love reading your journal! You will be missed :( Best of luck, hope you come back around sometime, Abby!
Okay. I know I said I'd be gone, but just one last rant.
For the record, primal eating is going well. I had a piece of cheesecake a few nights ago, have been eating maybe too many nuts, but it feels a lot easier and not as depriving as it used to. Win.
ANYWAYS I met a few great people last weekend and we started this week off with our new "tequila tuesday" potlucks (tequila was my idea. Yea, great ideas come along every now and again). Somewhere along the drive home from Maine the paleo/primal thing came up when i was driving a friend and her boyfriend home (they are part of tequila tuesday) and she immediately cursed. No diet that restricts a food group (grains) that's been in our diet for centuries, she claims, can be good for you. I said my piece, about agriculture being a relatively recent development, my experience with cutting grains out, modern ailments correlating with westernized diets, and it was sort of received. WELL! It turns out when she first met said boyfriend he was 20 lbs lighter, muscular, and significantly less disgusting (disgusting has nothing to do with him being overweight...he just really is disgusting) and...wait for it...EATING PALEO!!!! He eventually gave it up because he liked beer too much. I can't imagine meeting someone when they're the healthiest they've been in their life and then slowly watching them throw it all away. It's like a tease at the beginning.
So at the potluck paleo came up, mostly because my friend is so incredibly considerate and respectful that she made two dishes from her boyfriend's old paleo cookbooks so that I could eat them. They were both delicious (some chicken caper thing and then baked apples). New friend #3 said something like "A lot of my friends eat paleo but I never could because you can't eat potatoes" and then they all started rolling off their "I could never do it because you [I]can't[/I] eat..." lists. As twice baked potatoes were in the oven.
This irritated me more than anything. I can eat potatoes. I CAN eat wheat. I CAN eat cheesecake and donuts and pizza. Saying that I can't seems to imply that there's a set of artificial restrictions on things. "Sorry, the paleo gods say I can't eat wheat. It's completely out of my control." It implies that you are merely a passive being in your life and making no decisions for yourself. It implies that this is something that limits your enjoyment of life.
For me, paleo is not a diet. Paleo merely provides the information that one needs to make the best choices in life. I can absolutely eat spaghetti. The point is I CHOOSE not to. I choose not to because I know I will feel like crap. This is also why I love so many of the gurus of paleo/primal/vassever. Especially Mark. They all emphasize the importance of knowing your body and learning what makes it function best. It is not a one size fits all diet. Can't implies a passive adherence to a silly list of universal rules that don't take into account individual differences. It implies that one hasn't done the research and has no understanding for why one shouldn't do something, just that someone told them they're not allowed to. This is, I think, why I failed so much to benefit from this lifestyle in the beginning. I was looking at it as a set of rules rather than a general abstract for living life to the fullest.
I absolutely can eat potatoes, and I absolutely will on occasion. I've done the research, done enough self experimentation to know what makes me feel good and what makes me have disgusting poops and acne and farts and bloat and pudge and lethargy. This, to me, is the key. Learn yourself, learn your body, strive for what makes [I]your[/I] life the most enjoyable. Maybe it's having a twice baked potato when the occasion arises (they were amazing). Whatever it is, it's my decision.
Love the post! Couldn't agree more. Btw, no one's ever taking my potatoes away from me :P
I love this post!!! Great points. I gave up grains after reading Mark's book. It was easy. I "CAN" eat them, if I want to, but I won't because experience tells me it's a bad idea. Same with yogurt... welcome to Bloat City!
Anyhow, loved it. And I'll miss you!!