Okay kids. This is unacceptable. I'm sick of looking in the mirror and seeing cellulite and bloated belly. I have "committed" to this so many times and not followed through. How hard is it to NOT HAVE CHOCOLATE AFTER LUNCH?! Pretty damn hard actually. Granted I have a pretty distorted body image and most people would probably smack me in the face for complaining, but my goal is not to lose weight, it's to look and feel the best I can, which is better than where I am.
I've decided (just now, in the shower, while staring at my cellulite and flab) to commit. Fully. Intensely. Granted, this may pass tomorrow as I gorge on more goat cheese, but let's hope not. I'm going to try to be really strict with myself because this seems to be the only thing that works. The goat cheese in my eggs and chocolate afterwards led to a huge apple with goat cheese, and now I feel yucky and bloated. Granted, this is nothing close to my usual binge, but still.
So, on June 29 I turn 25. 25! Quarter life (hopefully, maybe less than quarter if I live as long as I plan to) and time to start the next quarter already on the right foot. No more starting over, because hopefully I won't ever end the current journey enough to HAVE to start over. Here are my goals for the next month (Will attempt through end of May and see what happens from there).
NO GRAINS: including wheat, barley, oats, rice, corn, vatever. They're gone. Caputzo. Done. YA!'
NO LEGUMES: including beans (any and all), lentils, garbanzo, peanuts
NO SUGAR: [U][B]no honey[/B][/U], chocolate, or artificial sweeteners (that's a given and never been a problem for me, it's the chocolate that gets me). Altering honey rule. I will accept it as part of a glaze or something like that in meats.
NO FRUITS UNLESS PART OF A MEAL: aka no snacking on bananas and apples and other things. I really don't have too much of a problem with this, and usually when I do eat them it's out of boredom and convenience, not hunger or cravings. They're fine as part of a roast chicken or something of the likes.
NO POTATOES: I know they're "technically" not super off limits, but they're unnecessary for me and I greatly prefer higher vitamin rich sources of carbs like sweet potatoes and beets and carrots. The acceptance of potato into my diet has also led me to the rational "Oh, french fries, they're not grain! Have at it!" And at work in the kitchen there is a constantly refilled bowl of fries that are way too easy to pick at.
NO DAIRY: Grassfed butter is fine - I'm going to try to get my parents to use this when cooking over reg butter so I can eat with them. Any other dairy is a gateway food and messes up my fasting periods.
NO CRAPPY OILS: Again, not difficult for me when I'm eating at home and cooking for myself, but forces me to be more conscious of what I'm eating on the go and not munching mindlessly at the restaurant.
NO SNACKING: I did the leptin reset last year for about 2 weeks and man, oh man, did it change my life. For so long afterwards I was completely free of snacking, which was a major part of my life previously. I want to get back to this point.
I think that's all. Did I miss any big ones?
Breakfast aim will be to get in lots of protein and a BP Coffee every morning. I'm intrigued what effect this has on long term energy levels. I'm going to try not to have any coffee
As for exercise goals, I don't have too many. I get enough slow moving and heavy lifting in my daily routine (farm chores, biking to the restaurant, being on my feet for 7 hours at a time waitressing). I would like to start running a couple times a week when I have the time, and am going to try to get my father to come with me at least for walks. I'd also like to start yoga again. I'm disgusted at how long it's been since I've gotten on my mat, so am going to try to aim for at least a few minutes every morning.
- Time. Holy bokchoy the day needs more hours. How is one supposed to work 2 (nearly) full time jobs and still have time to cook?
- Friendships and judgements. With as limited time as I have in life, a lot of my social life is combined with eating to make life more efficient. I guess I will just have to start cooking for people more in order to be able to continue this. Not all bad.
- Restaurant work. Don't know if it will effect my ability to give recommendations and shit, but maybe now I will be more greatly benefitting my customers by encouraging grain free meals (we have a GREAT duck dish).
- Foodies who are super stuffy about their food views (aka my farmer boss' family) And are super into good food but also super into bread and cheese (rightfully so, cheese is delicious and bread is unfortunately tasty) and super into thinking their views are constantly right and everyone else is crazy and ruining the world. Challenge accepted.
- There is the obvious sugar addiction, but that doesn't need further discussion.
- Money. Yes. Unlike most primal folk, this is not an issue for me. Not because I make millions of dollars, but because I have 0 expenses besides what I create for myself. After 2 years of living in poverty in Guatemala, I moved back home (mostly because of convenience - my parents live right outside boston and literally a 2 minute bike ride from the farm) and my parents are finally financially stable. So - no rent, no cable bill, no light bill, no water bill, minimal phone bill, mostly free food, no travel expenses (or minimal) because I have my bike. It's quite the good life, added that to the fact that I'm a workaholic and working roughly 60-70 hours a week between the two jobs (maybe more?). So, my guess is that this is going to be one of the few times in my life when money is not an inhibiting factor to this lifestyle. If I can support consciously raised, grass-fed, local meat producers, I should. If I can support local farms and put the best in my body, I should. I actually find this lifestyle more economical often though. I don't need supplements (huge savings), I don't buy junk food (huge savings), I don't eat out as much, I don't snack (HUGE SAVINGS), and actually, it works out swimmingly because all my produce comes free from the farm I work on. Yea, get jealous. On another level, the friends I eat with are generally extremely money conscious, so if I can splurge and pay for them to eat a great meal, I think that's part of my responsibility. I've had plenty of friends treat me to meals out and drinks when I was struggling (aka making 3,000 a year in Guatemala) and so now it's time to return the favor by feeding them things I'm allowing myself to eat.
- A mom who really really really wants me to be happy at home. Thus, she is willing to give in to my "crazy dietary beliefs." Thus, the gluten free meatloaf the other night. Maybe I'll even "Take them down" with me
- An unhealthy, depressed, and lazy father. Okay, not an asset, but a motivation. If I can make the change and prove how great it is for me, maybe he will follow suit. It's been pretty hard to watch lately.
- Semi understanding and (some) supportive friends
- You guys! I'm counting on your support!
Okay, enough rants for now. This starts after tonight as I've already committed to Mexican. I am going to try to stick to a primal choice but I know it will be difficult, and may have a hard boiled egg before going to prevent myself from gorging on corn chips.
I'm also not putting in any alcohol rules. I don't drink a ton but enjoy it when I do, and generally stick to tequila and lime (and not very much). Anywhose, wish me luck!
It looks like you have a great plan in place. Stick it through and you know it'll work!
I'm fully convinced I can stick to this today, and I'm even convinced I can go to my usually Thursday night hot spot (a bar where some friends and I go to listen to music, and one of the few outings I stick to) without drinking. It's hard, because most of the bars I go to are super hipster and if you order anything besides beer you're a bougie asshole, but vatever. My health is more important than their opinions.
anyways, I still feel the need to log the disaster that was last night. I went out to Mexican, convinced to pick something good, avoiding the deliciousness that are enchiladas smothered in tons of cheese with beans and rice and tortillas and picked a chicken dish. Well, it came out with two huge scoops of rice and cornbread, while my friend's chicken fajita salad no cheese was a PERFECTLY PRIMAL MEAL. Avoided the rice but late in the meal devoured the corn bread followed by eating a ton of tortilla chips (held out early on because I ate an egg before leaving as preventative medicine...worked for a bit!). Anyways, afterwards I had some time to kill before meeting another friend so i suggested ice cream, and she had none but I had a ton and it wasn't even that good and hard to finish and dear god why do i make myself finish? Then I drank a bottle of wine and had a little bit of bread and cheese plate with the other friend I went out with. Yea, downed a bottle of wine, then biked home. Smart decisions Abigail!
Anyways, this is the whole issue with this "Starting over" mentality, and I'm done with it!
So here's to moving on and fueling my morning better than I did at night. Bulletproof coffee and a broccoli scramble with...whatever meat happens to be in my fridge
Was it your mentality that " tomorrow I'm starting over so I may as well have everything I want tonight,"? I have done this so many times. When I stop thinking of this "diet" as having an end in sight, I do much better. This has to be a lifelong thing for me in order for it to work. It needs to become your diet not "a diet" because that suggests you will go off it when you reach your goals.
That's completely it. It's an "Well, today is shot so I will continue to eat everything in sight because then it won't count TOMORROW when I Start over " but it still counts and it still impacts the next day and is worth making as less bad as possible. Blegh
It's easy to think that way. But we have to remember that what we're doing is not helping us to reach our goals and it's not like we'll never enjoy those things again - which is where the diet mentality comes in - better eat it now b/c I'll never have cheese, wine, ice cream, whathaveyou, ever again. You WILL be able to enjoy ice cream again. You CAN enjoy cornbread again someday if you choose to consume toxins later (wink wink), but for right now, your goals dictate that you avoid such things.
I find things work better for me if I view them as toxins. Corn is toxic to my body. Wheat is toxic to my body. etc, etc, etc. It helps when I'm faced with things I love like pizza or cake.
[QUOTE=jenn26point2;817812]It's easy to think that way. But we have to remember that what we're doing is not helping us to reach our goals and it's not like we'll never enjoy those things again - which is where the diet mentality comes in - better eat it now b/c I'll never have cheese, wine, ice cream, whathaveyou, ever again. You WILL be able to enjoy ice cream again. You CAN enjoy cornbread again someday if you choose to consume toxins later (wink wink), but for right now, your goals dictate that you avoid such things.
I find things work better for me if I view them as toxins. Corn is toxic to my body. Wheat is toxic to my body. etc, etc, etc. It helps when I'm faced with things I love like pizza or cake.[/QUOTE]
The "toxin" thing really does work for me as well. The longer I eat primal the more I notice how these foods affect me. I am trying to conquer the on again-off again cycle as well. It is getting easier, but it is slow and hard. About once a week, if I get the taste of something "forbidden" I will go into an eating frenzy. I am trying to find the balance to allow myself a small bit of something without going overboard. I know the foods that trigger me, for now I'm just avoiding them. The whole month of May, I am committing myself to only primal foods. Is this saying I will not overeat the entire month? Probably not. This is a process that I can't expect to change instantly. My goal, however, is to have those binges completely primal. Sweet potatoes, some cheese, wine, other root veggies, fruit...
Let's see how that goes...
Primal Montana, that's a good goal to have. It's never "good" to overeat, but as long as you're not filling your body (or overfilling your body) with poisonous things, you'll be ok. I have allowed myself the same freedom - I can binge if I feel I need to, but said binge has to include only primal foods.
it's not the same, but it definitely helps to break the cycle of eating non-primal foods. Good luck to you with your plan.
Thanks for the feedback guys! I think viewing things as toxins should make a huge difference too. I'm making a list of all things bad that come from eating grains and sugar etc etc etc so that whenever I feel the craving to buy ice cream it comes out with my money and I can remind myself that No, I would prefer not to have Acne, bloating, fatigue, headaches, mood swings, mental fog, etc etc etc. I think it might actually help, because honestly the ice cream wasn't even that good.
That being said, Day 1 of my super strictness was not perfect, but I think I made really great decisions. breakfast was the usual meat and eggs and veggies (I can never imagine eating oatmeal for breakfast again), lunch was a BAS with tuna, although there definitely wasn't enough fat in it. I realized this but didn't know what else to do. Would've loved Avocados but try to eat local and in season, and unfortunately I haven't seen to many Aguatales in Boston (cry...no mangoes either). Dinner was Cod cooked in garlic and almonds with green beans (thoughts on primality? I think they're technically a legume but it seems to be OKed by most of the primal community) and sweet potatoes. My fam usually has white potatoes with every meal and the way they cook them is delicious, so I prevented by making myself sweet potatoes the same way and having a little bit of sour cream with them. For some reason this was not satisfying, and despite clearing several family members plates I was still empty feeling inside. MAybe that's a feeling I just need to get used to, but I attributed it to lack of fat so had a few spoonfuls (maybe 2 tbsp) of organic peanut butter. It's just peanuts, not great, but we're out of almond butter. Anyways, then I went to the theater with a friend and her mom whom I haven't seen in YEARS and she wanted to take us out afterwards. We went to an upscale pizza restaurant (see? Masochist I am) and I was good and got a salad with chicken. Itty bitty portions so it felt more like a snack than a meal, and it was pretty tasty. We spent most of the evening talking about dietary restrictions as my friend's roomates are doing a whole 30 (kind of kicking myself in the ass for never being able to do one) and her mom, after seeing forks and knives (still need to see it), is adopting veganism. SO, we got sorbet for dessert instead of ice cream, and I was going to have just one teeny tiny bite but it was SO GOOD and didn't taste that sweet. Home made in house and dark chocolate and rasberry lime. Thursday nights are my one solid night out a week, and had hard cider instead of beer. Three. Not awful, but I don't really enjoy the stuff. Thoughts on cider as a primalesque alcohol? I know it's alcohol, but seems a better choice than beer (beer makes me feel awful but is so much more delicious).
Anyways, on to Day 2. I'm making dinner tonight for my family as we just picked up our first month of the meat CSA that we're doing. Grass fed roast beef for dinner!
Oh also, these are the meats I have in my fridge from the CSA (20 lbs - hatcha!)
- Bottom Roast
- Ground Beef
- Stew Beef
- Short Ribs
- Southern Style Ribs
- Pork Cutlets
- 2 whole chickens
If anyone has fabulous recipes let me know! So excited for tonight to see if I can tell a taste difference.
Anyways, just had a heaping pile of pork, sweet potatoes and mushrooms topped with fried eggs and my BP coffee. Yum. Hoping this keeps me until 5 when I get home from the restaurant
Nice to see you back..I checked your old journal a few times and wondered what had happened to you..what happened to Guatemala?Are you happy to be back home again?
Sounds like the sugar monster is still messing with your mind..I feel your pain..I have been doing well but slip up here and there..moving home in June so I have a chance to fully embrace primal without many pressures from the real world...like a full time job!
Good luck and I look forward to hearing more about your journey