So in class this weekend I had to play a young Southern lady, and my teacher kept making me work on my posture, work on my posture. I'm this close to spending a day walking around the house with a book on my head. But it also got me thinking to that article I posted about sitting and standing, and about how hunching over releases cortisol, and how standing erect and with your chest open decreases cortisol and increases testosterone. I hunch at work all day. I hunch on the subway. Actually standing with an aligned spine feels really weird to me. I'd love to have Rolfing done. I would really, really love it.
Oh! I forgot to brag! It looks like I've put on 1.7 lbs of muscle (my weight has gone up, but my body fat percentage has gone down) AND YESTERDAY I FIT INTO A SIZE 10 DRESS THAT DIDN'T FIT ME 2 MONTHS AGO! Seriously, 2 months ago, I looked like a stuffed sausage in it, and didn't buy it, and then I got it a week ago, thinking...this will probably fit soon. I thought maybe in a month. Then I had to dress up for class, and I grabbed it because apparently what I wore the previous class wasn't dressy enough. And it fit! Not sausage-y!
Also, blech, I'm easily overwhelmed and now overextended. I can't believe how much time I sleep and how much time I need to be quiet and alone. And if I take that time, then I feel like I miss out spending time with people. I did a workstudy trade with someone for a workshop -- and now I feel like I'm not able to follow through, what with my actual job taking up my time. And then here I am on Mark's Daily Apple. Ok, so I can do internet research and emails, but I can't really do phone calls. Bleah. Terrible. I'm never doing a workstudy again. Please hold me to it. People work better when they are getting paid. Or maybe just I do. And receiving a class in payment...I don't know. Maybe there's something magical about the money actually changing hands that makes it professional.
New breakfast. Breakfast this morning was 2 scoops of J. Robb Egg Protein (Vanilla Flavor, 24g ptn per scoop = 48 g ptn), recommended by others on MDA, mixed with a scoop of my vitamins, and 3 packets of CorOmega (fancy Omega-3s), 1 tbsp of coconut oil in coffee, a handful of almonds and a green apple. It is not as satisfying as eggs and bacon, but it does take 10 MINUTES, so unless I want to bake egg muffins (WHICH I MIGHT) in advance, this is breakfast for the days like today when I wake up 10 minutes before my alarm.
Obviously I am not waking up before my alarm yet.
I am becoming the pickiest eater ever. I prepared breakfast and lunch yesterday, and I didn't want to eat either. I got salmon, steamed broccoli, and guac from Dishes. When I got home I was REALLY tired, and I felt like eating something might pep me up, but I couldn't think of what. Goat milk kefir, probably. Yes, I thought. Goat milk kefir. Exactly.
So I went to the local health food store. Only cow milk kefir, no goat milk. I got it anyway. And a pint of blueberries. And the kefir tasted like heaven.
Oh dairy. I crashed at 8:30pm and woke up at 11:30pm. Then I woke up again at 2am from a horrible nightmare with indigestion, a pounding heart, and the worst pain in my left foot. I was up until 4am. I laid awake for a half hour, and then watched a nature show about dolphins to forget my nightmare. So. That's what cow dairy does to me.
These morning protein shakes might work out if I get the fat right. Otherwise it's egg muffins for me.
I bought the CorOmega yesterday because I haven't received my OmegaBrite yet. OmegaBrite has a 7:1 EPA:DHA ratio, and it's supposed to be amazing for ADD and Depression. It comes in pill form, and for depression you can take up to 8 a day. 8! So many pills. But the CorOmega come in small squeeze packets in an orange creamsicle flavor.
I just want to be able to manage everything. I feel like I can come to work and go home and that's it. I do have an hour commute, and that's tiresome. I'm trying to do classes and eventually I want to transition to acting/producing full-time. I feel like now I should get an award if I remember to do my makeup in the morning. I got a dressing down from one of my teachers yesterday for slacking off. I deserved it. But I'm overwhelmed and drowning with crippling social anxiety. You'd never tell, because I use most of my energy to appear charming and charismatic, and it feels like I have a finite amount of interaction-per-day that I can handle. No wonder I spend most of my weekends in bed. I was reading on the Asperger's thread that girls with Asperger's study others to learn how to behave -- that definitely sounds like me. And people wear me out. I need more energy.
I was thinking back to how I ate after I saw the Dr. Oz thing, and I'd like to go back to that. Baked salmon and watercress salad. I felt really good eating that way, very alert and present. Now, I'm overall less hungry and more calm, and because I've removed grains and sugar, no ups and downs. Also, I think bacon needs to figure into more dishes. It really gets me to eat when I have the heebie jeebies, because I have yet to get the heebie jeebies about bacon. Maybe breakfast for lunch? Omelettes with bacon and onion with a side of kale sauteed in broth? Egg muffins all around? I want my own personal chef. It's hard to plan meals when your tastes change from meal to meal.
Wow! So for lunch today I had a few bites of avocado, a few bites of canned salmon with lemonnaise, and a few bites of mango salsa, and some blueberries.
Then I wasn't hungry anymore.
THIS IS WEIRD. I don't know how to deal with this! I was getting hungry and I was cranky, so I pulled out my lunch, afraid it would be smelly, and it was good! For five minutes. Then I was done. :-D I guess...this is awesome! My food bills WENT UP, UP, UP...and now they'll come way down! I'm not even intentionally IFing, I'm just eating 50g of ptn at breakfast and then eating when I'm hungry later. I HAVE NEVER BEEN THIS NOT HUNGRY. THIS IS A MIRACLE.
Autism No-No Foods. (Dammit, goat milk is on it. Dammit dammit dammit.)
[url=http://www.tacanow.org/family-resources/hidden-sources-of-gluten/]Hidden Sources of Gluten - Talk About Curing Autism (TACA)[/url]
Sorry about the goat milk...
I ate breakfast at about 8:30 this am. It's now 1:30 and I'm not hungry yet. it's an interesting thing, not being hungry. :)
[QUOTE=jenn26point2;855370]Sorry about the goat milk...
I ate breakfast at about 8:30 this am. It's now 1:30 and I'm not hungry yet. it's an interesting thing, not being hungry. :)[/QUOTE]
Isn't it the CRAZIEST THING? I love it. (Still want goat kefir...)
ALSO: The bruise on my hand is the faintest it's been in two months. This is good!
Stress. So, my winter was TOTALLY stressful. I was living on friends' couches and temping while I looked for a full-time job. I put on SEVENTEEN POUNDS from November 1, 2012 to February 1, 2012. I'm pretty sure that 10 of these came on during a weeklong trip upstate to Carb Country. Then I found a job AND an apartment, with the best roommates ever. THEN we found out our beautiful apartment was infested with vermin AFTER we moved in. We looked at other apartments and decided to stay while going through an extensive extermination process...paid for by the landlord, who didn't charge us rent for months.
During this time, I had weekly manicures and took nightly Epsom salt baths. Things quieted down. I changed my eating habits. Then I signed up for classes. This is a good thing, right? I'm developing myself...aaaaaaaand adding more work to my schedule and stealing away precious sleep time. Wait. Isn't that also...stressful? EPIPHANY!
We're back to nightly Epsom salt baths, and I'm going for a manicure with a short chair massage after. Have to manage this stress.
I hear meditation works well too. :)