New year, new you! Officially starting over with all of this as December was terrible for me. I gained some weight back as I ate way to much and not good stuff. But I started back yesterday on no wheat as well as exercising. I can committ to lifting at least once a week on Saturdays. I'm going to try and sneak in some lifting on Mondays. Working out will be much easier once the weather is nicer and the kids can just play in the yard while I use the weight bench. I'm hoping I can shed the 5 or so pounds recently gained in a fairly short time period. And then I can get back to my goal of being close to 160 by the time summer rolls around. We will see what this hectic spring brings as DH starts coaching.
First lifting sessions I did:
Squats - 3x5 - 100lbs
Lat Pull Down - 3x5 - 65lbs
Walking Lunges - 3x12
Bench - 3x5 - 80lbs
Dead Lift - 1x5 - 135lbs
Push-ups - 10
Definitely feeling sore in the legs today. But it feels good to be sore for a real reason. My body is enjoying real nourishment and I even slept better last night. Hopefully the kids will follow suit in the next few days as well. DH continues to push against me on a lot of this and I'm sick of fighting. It's like having 3 kids to contend with at times. He starts coaching in about 2 weeks though and at that point he won't be around much to deal with food.
Ready to feel my best again!
Yikes am I sore today! Talk about DOMS, I can barely sit/stand without it hurting. Although once I'm going or sitting I'm okay. This caused me to do a lot more standing today. I fit in a short workout as well, hoping it would help to move the soreness through. We'll see how it feels in the morning. Hopefully will be good by Wed for my late game (10pm yikes!) Also got in some outdoor time with the kids today since it was above 40. Looking for some more chances as the week goes on as well since it's supposed to stay warm. Maybe even take a trip down to the park on Wednesday since DH will be home late. We have a new, relaxed atmosphere in the house right now and it feels good. DD even read today for the first time, 4 sentences! She won't be 5 until April, so this is huge.
Got in a solid workout this morning. Had a chance to relax this afternoon and we had some nice family time as well. Back to the grind with work tomorrow. Hoping for some snowfall tonight to play with the kids in tomorrow as well, but we'll see. Really feeling like I'm in a good place right now.
But honestly wondering about whether I want to send my kids to public school. Just don't think it's a discussion I'll ever win with DH. Have been questioning some things about my life lately and have had a lot of bad thoughts creeping into my head. Not sure what's going on with me.
I've also decided to give no soap and shampoo a try. I showered tonight and shaved, but just thoroughly rinsed my hair and didn't use anything in it. We'll see how it looks/feels by next weekend. Of course, the kids start swim lessons this week as well and I have to go in the pool with DS. Time will tell though... would like to eliminate as many chemicals from the house as possible. Not sure how to convince DH not to use things on the kids. But if this works for me I may at least switch to organic for them. I wonder if switching shampoo would make DD's hair thicker? Hmmm
Having a bit of trouble getting back on track. I think my body is starting to shed water weight that was built up over the holidays though, which is great. Visited my grandfather's sister today and of course she sent us home with homemade pierogis and mini cookies. So will be subject to the cookies for a while. Secretly hoping my husband will eat a whole bunch of them so I don't! I've resigned to the fact that I will not break 170 before I turn 30. I really need to stop snacking in the afternoon with the kids as I'm not hungry. I'm eating out of habit and boredom. I need to find something else to do while they are having their snack which they do need. I'm thinking I will just start working on dinner at that time so I'm in the kitchen with them but not eating myself.
We have a tree perfect for pull-ups in the back yard. After lifting yesterday I tried to hang on it and last 6 secs. I'm hoping it was just because I had worked out. The bitter cold has now settled in so not sure when I'll get a chance to try again. DH is home tomorrow though so will try to fit in some sort of work out. Need to lose this belly...
After spending yesterday shoveling and pulling/pushing the kids on their sled (yay slow movement!) I got in a good lifting session this morning. Feeling strong... just waiting for the belly fat to start melting off a little faster. I turn 30 in less than a week!
Squat 3x5 115lbs
Lat Pull Down 3x5 72.5lbs
Bench 3x5 90lbs
Deadlift 1x5 150lbs
Hung from the tree 3x as long as possible - not very long!
Feeling it a little already in my legs, but feels good. Might be warm enough on Monday to play outside for the kids so I can get in a second lifting session then. Not sure if I'll play soccer once or twice this week.
Considering dropping soccer this spring or summer in favor of being able to work out on my own schedule. I think I would get in a better workout just going to the park and running some sprints. Plus it wouldn't take as long with shorter travel time. Sometimes soccer seems to add extra stress. But will see with time as both sessions still have several more weeks, but should at least get me to warmer weather!
Have decided to start moving toward a toxin free home. I did some research today on toxin free detergents for laundry and dishes as well as a spray for the kitchen. Still need to find a liquid soap for DH to use on dishes as he won't ever get on board with using nothing. I also signed us up for a CSA. It's only every other week, which will be a good introduction. If we like it I think I will sign us up for the rest of the year, which will be at a discount. I'm thinking we will also keep an eye out for a chest freezer and invest in a side of beef when that option becomes available. Will look around for who has the best price as I've now see a few places that we can choose from! Our food bill is going to increase and the large payments at various times will hurt, but over time I think we can settle into getting healthier food on the table and my children's bodies will appreciate it.
This probably isn't the best place to write this, I should be writing in an offline journal. But I have limited time while DH and the kids are at the store and I type faster than I write. This has been eating at me for a while I just need to get it out. Really, I know I need to talk to DH. But I know what his response will be and I don't want to hear it again. We've been together since 2002, so nearly 11 years now. Yet it seems like he has no idea what I want. This goes from the dismal performance for my 30th birthday last week to even sexually. For my 30th birthday he got the lifting gloves I asked for (fine), tickets to a comedy show (ok, but more his style), and arranged a night out with dinner at his favorite restaurant. Not one of my family or friends were included, and we went during the only time of the week that I get to relax by myself. He also had flowers delivered, but got the cheapest ones possible and half of them were dead on arrival. It seems like he thought about what HE would like to do for his birthday, not what I would want. Oh, he also got a gift certificate to get my nails done. I haven't done that in ages, because it really isn't my thing. If I wanted to go and do that, don't you think I would mention it occassionally? Seriously, the whole thing was a major fail on his part. The weekend left me more stressed out than I otherwise would have been.
I've told him what I want sexually as well and after a week it's as though we didn't even talk. I've told him repeatedly that I would like him to hug me more often, show affection without it being a plea for sex. But he sits on the other couch and then tries to climb all over me in bed. WTF? I can't keep doing this.
He's gone a lot right now between work and coaching. That means I have the kids, at minimum, 6:30-6 M-F and 7-10:30 Sat. I have to fit my PT jobs in there while the kids are napping or after he's home. So I get very little time to actually relax. Yet he complains about how tired he is. He complains (to his mother) about his job and he overrreacts to everything in life. He left a pen in his pocket last weekend doing the laundry (I boycotted due to my bday) and flipped out. Dude, they're clothes. He has said he now needs to replace what got ruined. Seriously, what guy needs more than 8 pairs of pants and 10 shirts when he only wears them 4 days a week? Switch up the ties and no one will notice.
He's not on board with the primal idea either. He makes little statements and you can tell from the look on his face that he doesn't support this. He's not willing to read anything about it and thinks I'm crazy for wanting to get toxic things out of our home by using more natural cleaning products. He thinks I'm brainwashing our daughter by talking about the foods that are healthy for her - organic eggs, spinach, carrots, etc and wonders why I get pissed when his dad gives her m&ms at 10 in the morning the day after she was puking. Even if I wasn't trying to clean up our food I would have been pissed at that. After a second week where he gave her animal crackers instead (everyone knows those are COOKIES not crackers) I sent her with cheese. I shouldn't have to battle people to feed my children properly. I didn't ask him to feed her and he's only watching her for 45 minutes while I'm in the pool with DS for swim lessons.
I get to spend my alone time cleaning the house, after I spent this morning cleaning DS' room. Sure, DH does the dishes after dinner each night (which he's no longer home for M-F). But other than that he doesn't do any cleaning around here. His version of helping the kids clean up at night is tossing everything into a pile so it's not in the middle of the room. WTF?
Okay, this is helping in the way that I thought it was as it's actually just making me more riled up. So time to go work on cleaning up the playroom so I can vaccuum in there...
Taking this weekend off as I just wasn't in the mood to lift yesterday. This rainy weather certainly isn't helping! I've decided, though, that I'm going to do a month of clean eating. Not quite like the 30 day challenge that I can't think of the name of at the moment, because I'll likely include cheese. But no sweets and really paying attention to whether I'm full. I have a treat planned for Valentine's Day, but after that I'm going without. The culmination will be a cheesecake for my what would have been my mom's birthday on 3/21. I'm excited to see what changes I can make to my body with sticking to the plan and eliminating entirely all the junk. This of course means my kids will pretty much be right on board. I think I need to buy them some nuts to get them through though.
Here's my 2 minute freak out because I'm hoping writing this down will kick my body into gear. But my period is 2-4 days late! I've been 28-30 days for a while now and today is day 32. It's been nearly 2 years since my husband had his vasectomy so it should be impossibly for me to get pregnant. But I've been having strange dreams lately and other weird symptoms from when I was pregnant with the first 2. So, um, what the heck is going on?!
Off to make breakfast, hoping my period shows up soon!
Had a fantastic day with the kids yesterday! With the weather in the 40s, we went to the park for an hour in the afternoon. I climbed and slid with them, lifting them up to bars to swing on as well. I also played soccer last night, but I was dying on the field!
More vivid dreams last night and still no period. Feel like it's going to start any minute, but nothing. I felt like this when I was pregnant with my daughter though, only knew I was pregnant because we were trying and I took a test when I was 1 day late. On day 33 now, but with DH having a vasectomy I don't think I would bother testing until I'm a week late of my 30 day average. I wonder what is going on with my body right now!
Tested negative last night and this morning. But still no period despite feeling on the verge for the last 24 hours. Getting excited about the prospect of another baby, although financially it would be scary. I really wish I would know either way. There was a smudge on the second test where the cross line should have appeared. I tested negative before testing positive with DD, so a negative doesn't tell me for sure. If nothing by this evening I will have DH stop for a big pack at the dollar store on the way home and keep testing until AF shows up or I get a positive.