I don't know... I guess I just don't understand why someone would want to spend their life in a drug induced haze to fend off their pain when they could do the same thing through an inflammatory free diet. I just don't get it. Eventually she's got to get tired of her mind getting fuzzy just to numb the pain right? But, I guess alcoholics don't and while pot isn't chemically addictive, I think it can be highly physically addictive - especially when you suffer from chronic pain. I suppose eventually she'll get tired of being high just to numb the pain and will come around, but part of me thinks she's just being a stubborn ass about it too.
I think when the pain is that bad, you'll do anything, but change is difficult. If this works for her, she probably is not able to really grasp any idea that could work just as well or better. People in altered states are not known for thinking clearly :).
I used to get really angry at the idea of people drinking. It was absurd and I KNEW it was absurd, but I couldn't let it go. Not sure what changed, but I was able to move past it eventually. Not a bad idea to talk to a pro at least once to see if you can find some peace.
I'm considering it b/c I'm tired of this plaguing me. I have friends who smoke and it doesn't bother me... why would her smoking for pain relief bother me? Makes no sense at all. Maybe it's b/c I expected better of her - like I expected her to work harder to eliminate her pain than to give in so easily. That's probably most of it there. She worked so hard to find out what triggered her migraines - alcohol, tomatoes, jalapenos - and eliminated them from her diet to remove the migraine pain... but she won't give up something as simple as wheat to cure her body aches. She just gave up, I guess. And yet she posts things on FB about eating real food and avoiding pharmaceuticals.
I really think that's it - that I think she gave up too easily and didn't really give diet any real chance. I remember when she was first diagnosed and I'd read something online about how the Eat Clean diet helped some people, so I suggested it and said it simply meant eliminating processed foods (at this point, it wasn't even about wheat products, etc b/c Eat Clean diet allows for 5 or fewer ingredients) and she instantly said "There have been many people who say that didn't work for them", so she didn't even want to try it. I think that's when the real battle began. She didn't even give it a chance to work... :(
It really sucks when you care about someone and you want to help them and offer encouragement and support, but they want nothing to do with your suggestions.
I understand your disapproval of the pot due to its illegal standing. There are certainly worse things she could be doing to manage her pain. Pharmaceuticals would be more addictive (IMO) and have tons of side effects as well.
If her use of pot isn't directly having an adverse effect on you or your family - then you should find a way to make peace with it. She's a good person, and you love her -- don't let this ruin your relationship.
I get really frustrated with my sister who won't give this WOE a try to manage her fibromyalgia - and honestly I would totally understand if she was using pot. From personal experience with the pain of fibro - I won't pass judgement on anyone who has found a way to cope.
My most recent facebook post:
Every day of our lives, we're given unsolicited advice. As mothers, as fathers, as employees, as weight loss journeyors (is that even a word??), as weight lifters, as runners, as race car drivers, etc. Everyone has advice to share. I found the Primal/Paleo lifestyle because of unsolicited advice (stay with me here… this isn’t about diet). I had spent YEARS battling depression and anxiety (it's what got me kicked out of the army, in fact) and could not find a drug, a single drug, that could help it. Some worked for a while, but most left me feeling emotionally flat lined (unable to feel sadness and joy alike) while others took away my desires to do anything... and they caused me to gain weight.
Every 3 months the doctors were putting me on something else. Every two weeks I was meeting with a therapist. Nothing was helping. A friend suggested, unsolicited, that I look into diet as a cure. I scoffed and said, 'whatever', but actually DID look and was amazed to read what I'd read. I gave it a REAL, TRUE test... not a half assed 3 week or one month test, but a real true full effort test. That test started March 5, 2012. By June, my therapist was taking me off of the three medications she was prescribing... from THREE to NONE in 4 months.
Remember I said this wasn’t about diet… well, here’s the meat of this post: Some of us, me in particular, cannot sleep at night if we find something interesting that may be of benefit to another person, so I share it. I cannot *not* share it if I feel it pertains to you. I do it as a way to “pay it forward”. If that person who had shared the link to Marksdailyapple with me hadn't done so as her unsolicited advice, I would not have found my cure for depression and anxiety. Because of her, I MUST share what I find with those I feel it might benefit. I cannot sleep if I don’t share it because my conscious says I’m harming people I care about if I withhold what I find.
I understand that getting unsolicited advice is annoying, but please try to keep in mind the person is only sharing what they are sharing b/c they care. They truly, deeply care and want what is best for you. If you don't want the advice, just say "Thanks, I'll look into it" and ignore it... To not acknowledge it is rude. To shoot it down as bullshit is even ruder. If I had ignored the advice that was given to me, I'd still be paying $80 a month for prescription antidepressants and just as miserable (not to mention 38 lbs heavier).
Basically, what I’m saying is, if someone gives you unsolicited advice, annoying as it may be, just take a look at it. Keep an open mind and see what it is they have found. It might just be the solution you’ve been seeking and could change your life.
I agree with what you are saying. I found primal pretty much the exact same way as you did. I, for one, have no issue withe people using pot to help with pain. Seeing what I have seen in my life with those in pain, it does help. There are worse things than pot out there and NO pot is not a gateway drug. Very rarely does it lead to other addictions. I have a difficult enough time myself following this lifestyle that I know that I am in no way, shape or form the person to give unsolicited advice on it and I won't. I probably wouldn't give the advice even if I were successful with this lifestyle. People don't want to listen. They'd rather enjoy the crap and have to take a pill. Yeah, it sucks but its their life and they have to chose how to live it.
Great post, Jenn. It's important to keep an open mind, and so much easier and kinder to say, "Thanks for the tip" than try to shut people down. I don't argue with people about health stuff because it's stressful for all parties involved.
Geo, I understand what you're saying, but my post wasn't about pushing paleo on people - it was about being open minded enough to ENTERTAIN someone else's suggestion. As a runner, Paleo was the LAST thing I ever thought I'd do. Runners need pasta... that was my belief. But, I kept an open mind enough to at least research what the information stated. And I was blown away by the information I received. More importantly, I was willing to give it a chance. But... even MORE importantly, I didn't just brush off the advice b/c it was easier to take a pill. The PILLS weren't working.
If you want different results, you have to try something different. So I did. At the unsolicited advice of a friend. That friend's unsolicited advice changed my life in a number of ways. No one will ever understand the struggle that goes on in my brain when I don't follow this lifestyle... trust me when I say it has been a life changer. I shared the story once before, in this journal, how very bad things were for me before finding primal. It's been life changing.
The point of my post was to say that while unsolicited advice is annoying, it can very well be your life changer.
I understand that chronic pain is horrible and sufferers will do anything to find a way to ease that pain. That wasn't the point... the point is, if someone provides you with information that MAY help you, don't blow it off. Be open minded enough to research it and maybe even daring enough to try it. Knowledge is a powerful thing.
And I disagree about pot... As a former pot user, I found myself using it more and more to get the same effects. Instead of one bowl it would take two to get high after a while. The body is a magnificent piece of machinery that adapts amazingly well to the stimulus presented to it. After a while, things stop working as well and other measures are necessary. I stopped getting high with one bowl and needed two. And maybe not in my MIL's case, but once I was brave enough to smoke pot without any hesitation, I became curious about other things - my next drug was meth. I did meth for about a year and a half. Meth opened the door to coke and acid. I don't think pot MAKES us try other drugs, but I think that (and alcohol) open our minds to new experiences and make us more willing to try other things. Additionally, the lack of judgement caused by pot (and alcohol) can lead us down roads we're best not to travel, including paths to other drugs.
Anyhow, I'm not discounting her pain. I understand she hurts. I understand she wants relief from the pain. But smoking pot for pain relief is no different than taking a pill... it's masking the symptoms and NOT fixing the problem. Putting duct tape on a crack, if you will...
[QUOTE=namelesswonder;1152968]Great post, Jenn. It's important to keep an open mind, and so much easier and kinder to say, "Thanks for the tip" than try to shut people down. I don't argue with people about health stuff because it's stressful for all parties involved.[/QUOTE]
I won't usually argue either. But it pisses me off when people blow me off when I'm just trying to help. You never know what little bit of information might be what you need to connect the dots to a better life. :)
Jen,something my therapist said that really helped me. He asked, Are you doing this to help them with something they are unable to do for themselves? Or are you doing something they are capable of doing, but choosing not to do in order to make yourself feel better?
He then said, if they could be doing it and choosing not then you need to learn to sit in your anxiety. Because doing something for others that they could/should be doing on their own is enabling behavior done really for your benefit, not theirs.
For me this was about doing for my kids and ex but I think it fits for your situation. People will or will not change if and when they are ready.
Your MIL knows about how changing her diet may help her issue. She will only act on that knowledge if/when she's ready. You were ready to hear/listened to the unsolicited advice you received. Based on what you've said your MIL is not ready, open or willing to keep hearing it.
BTW I get it. My family is all overweight-morbidly obese. We are family suffering from diabetes, crohn's, IBS, asthma... They have watched me change. They have eaten foods that I've made and loved it. They choose to walk their path. I choose to love them and enjoy their company any way
I learned my therapist's lesson well-- If I sit in my anxiety--need to fix--it passes.