Hi all. One thing that amazes me is how different our bodies can react from month to month... last month my Russian Circus was an all out hemorrage. This month, spotting and nothing more. So stupid. Pretty sure I can blame the Vitex for the difference - maybe the way it is now is how it's supposed to be???
I gained 11 lbs last week. ELEVEN FRACKING POUNDS!!! My entire January weight loss gained back in a week! I gained 6 of them overnight between the 15th and 16th after going out for steak with Brad and some friends. Lots of bread and sugar were consumed. Then this week I consumed wheat on three additional occasions. And copious amounts of sugar daily... it's safe to say my sugar addiction is not yet under control. 11 lbs... I can't believe it. *smh*
I know it's all water weight brought on by the systemic inflammation. I just hope it doesn't take another month to shed it...
Back on track starting today. I am recommitting and promising to myself that I will maintain the Primal Blueprint way of life and not stray to such great lengths when I do stray. I can eat Texas Roadhouse, but I should not eat the rolls. Plain and simple.
I had to face the "my MIL uses illicit drugs to control her fibromyalgia pain" mental game again this weekend. Now she's elevated to smoking pot instead of just cooking it into brownies or vaporizing the oils. My sister told me this as she witnessed MIL smoking a joint during our Pre-Season race party this weekend. MIL told sister "I don't do it to get high. I do it to control the pain". Sister didn't buy it. The fact that she's openly smoking pot IN PUBLIC at a BAR bothers me.
I should be pleased that she's using a "natural" pain reliever instead of prescription drugs loaded with chemicals, but that doesn't eliminate the fact that it is illegal to possess, buy and consume pot. It probably wouldn't bother me so much if I hadn't learned about Primal/Paleo or hadn't encountered Tomi and Candy who've effectively placed their fibro in remission using Primal. And if Judg hadn't also put her chronic fatigue syndrome into remission as well. It just bothers me that she's willing to do something illegal to take care of her pain rather than take care of her body to prevent the pain. I mean, what's next? Oxy? Heroine? Those are pain killers too... what happens when she develops a tolerance for the pot and it no longer works the way she feels it should? What will she do then? I doubt she'd finally adopt a whole foods lifestyle.
I realize pain makes people do things they never dreamed they would do. I realize I have no idea the kind of pain she's in daily. I understand that. What I don't understand is why she won't do something about it instead of just masking it behind a drug induced haze. She said she didn't like using prescription drugs b/c of how they made her feel, the weight they made her gain, etc... but she's ok using illicit narcotics despite the way they make her feel? It makes no sense whatsoever to me! I thought the whole point behind finding a drug free cure was to BE DRUG FREE!!
This has affected our relationship to the extent that I can barely stand to look her in the eyes. I don't speak to her unless first spoken to b/c I am that disgusted by the behavior. And it bothers me that I have knowingly placed my daughter in her care, knowing she uses drugs... but at this point, I feel the rift between us would only get stronger if I stood up for my convictions and pulled my daugther from her care. I feel that it would produce a rift between me and FIL, me and SIL and me and Brad if I stood up for my convictions...
There again, why do I even care? Why do I even have this conviction? Is it because I have a drug abuse history that I am so adamantly against it? Is it because I have a degree in law enforcement and as such illegal is illegal is illegal? Is it jealousy that I'm not also getting high? I used to enjoy it quite a bit in high school and college. Some of my most memorable and enjoyable times with friends were had during that time of my life. Is it because I feel like a hypocrite for being so vehemently against it, yet condoning MIL's use of it by ignoring it? By allowing my children to be in her care knowing she could be under the influence at any given point in the day? Is it because she told my sister NOT to tell me and is essentially keeping it a secret from me/lying to me about it? Why do I keep getting so upset about this? *heart is racing about her lying to me about it... I think that's the reason*
Ok... putting that out there has helped... but I'm sure it's only temporary and I'll be venting about it again in the future at some point.
[/Vent] you may now carry on with your regularly scheduled day.
Jenn, my take on the subject (warning: some graphic examples regarding kids):
If she is smoking in public, it is quite possible that she will smoke while your children are there, or just before. Her pain is not going to take a courtesy break because she is watching your children.
If she is asking your sister not to tell you, she is keeping the truth from you. If you think her drug use, whether legal or illegal, affects her judgement/capabilities, then it is time for your husband (since it is his mother) take control of the situation and tell his mom she can no longer watch the kids. [SIZE=1]Just ask him to imagine arriving to find his daughter dead in the driveway, because your mom didn't notice her going outside because she was incapacitated. Or your son hung from the swing set.[/SIZE] Or any one of the horrible accidents that can befall children with no ill will on anyone's part, just a few moments inattention. It will do no good to your conscience to avoid ill feeling now, then.
We can't protect our children from everything, but we can avoid the things we see right in front of our faces.
They say the effects from smoking/using pot is the same as drinking... and I want to trust that she would save her usage for such products for after duty hours... I'm totally not sure what I should do. I wish it would all just go away. And stop bugging me and upsetting me. I wonder how different things would be if it were legal and not taboo... would it ease my mind? I mean, I trust that she would not drink alcohol while working/caring for kids... surely she'd not use her substances during that time, too, right?
Aren't you using you're SIL for daycare now? Is MIL involved in this? Or are you talking about just in general leaving the kids with her now and then? Maybe you just need to have a sit down - face to face with her about it. Tell her what you're concerns are and see what she says. It doesn't need to be anything confrontational, just a "lets have a talk" thing.
As for her wanting to keep it from you - well, she already knows how you feel about cuz I know you've talked before. I wonder if she is feeling uncomfortable about it herself and doesn't want to have to worry about what anyone else is thinking.
People will do all sorts of things to block pain. Before I found this WOE - I strongly considered getting a medical card to use pot. And I've never done any kind of illegal drugs - I didn't even drink alcohol until I was 40! and now I wish I had never started that! The pain of fibromyalgia is relentless. Its like having a migraine in your entire body. I don't blame her for using what works to dull the pain - but since its illegal she shouldn't be doing it. Better to take a legal narcotic in my opinion.
I totally understand your frustration with her unwillingness to try dietary changes. My sister still hasn't even though she see's what a difference it has made in my life. She says, "one of these days I'll get it together and give it a good shot, I'm just not ready" Thats just the same as saying, "I like being this sick and I'm not ready to feel better" Makes me so angry!
Bottom line - you can't control what she does or who she chooses to hide it from. But you can keep your children from being in her care unless she can promise not to be smoking it before or during the time she is with them.
[QUOTE=tomi;1106867]Aren't you using you're SIL for daycare now? Is MIL involved in this? Or are you talking about just in general leaving the kids with her now and then? Maybe you just need to have a sit down - face to face with her about it. Tell her what you're concerns are and see what she says. It doesn't need to be anything confrontational, just a "lets have a talk" thing.
Bottom line - you can't control what she does or who she chooses to hide it from. But you can keep your children from being in her care unless she can promise not to be smoking it before or during the time she is with them.[/QUOTE]
She is "employed" at the daycare. They run it jointly out of SIL's house.
I'd like to believe she'd never use the substances in the presence of my children... she knows how I feel about my mom smoking cigarettes and that I've flat out told my mom that my children will NOT be in her house/care if she will not respect my wishes. Mom was easy. She goes outside to smoke when my kids are around and I appreciate that more than anyone would EVER imagine b/c she does this at her own house... it's HER house, where she is free to do whatever the hell she wishes and she steps outside of her own home to smoke when my kids are there. That is awesome to me.
I assume MIL would have the same respect toward my wishes. I do not know if she and Brad have ever talked about it. Sister told me that MIL went outside to smoke (at the bar the other night). MIL doesn't smoke (cigarettes) so I was like "WTF?" Sister said she'd go scope it out (Sister smokes cigarettes). She came back in and said that MIL was smoking a joint and gave her the line about the pain, not the high and to not tell me about it. I said something to Brad about MIL going to smoke a cigarette (before Sister returned) and he said "whatever" like he didn't believe it. I sent him a text later about MIL smoking a joint instead and he didn't acknowledge it. I believe he's torn by the whole situation too and isn't sure how to feel about it. SIL is good with it (she's the one who hooked her up with the dealer through a friend). I know Brad was really pissed about it when it first started happening and neither of us were sure we wanted any part of it. But it's his mom and he doesn't want to see her in pain. I think he's lightened up about it a bit, but we don't talk about it b/c he knows I'm 100% against this method of pain relief.
She's never expressed what her pain is like to me, so to me it's kind of this phantom condition - I've never seen it, only heard about it. I can't tell the difference between her good days and her bad days b/c she's never talked to me about it.
Honestly, I feel like the odd man out whenever his family is concerned. I don't know what's going on, no one shares anything with me, and I don't feel I'm free to ask about anything. I just kind of take up space anymore, I guess. Like the elephant in the corner is always present when I'm around them... The kids and I used to go over there nightly to hang out, and when Brad was on 2nd shift, we'd sometimes eat dinner over there. For a long time, it hasn't been like that. So maybe that's what part of this is about too... like maybe I'd understand a bit more and be a little less critical of it if someone would just effing talk to me and bring me into the conversation about it - give me a chance to understand and consider it. It was even a secret from Brad for so long. I guess it hurts to not feel included, in some ways. Makes me feel like I don't belong - kind of like being at work 24 hours a day... And when I tried to get involved by sharing bits of information I'd found (like Tomi's journal or an article on how paleo can help aleviate the pain, etc), I'd be told to leave it alone by MIL b/c she knows what she can and can't do... well, obviously not if you're still in pain while so many others aren't... Come to think of it, I lost another friend over the same thing when she was diagnosed with Hashi's and I tried to share info I'd found linking the two. Now my friend won't even respond to a "hey, I hope your family is safe from the storms raging through your area" kind of text...
Awesome... Seems paleo is driving a wedge between me and others in my life... good thing I stopped trying to help...
[QUOTE=jenn26point2;1106995]Awesome... Seems paleo is driving a wedge between me and others in my life... good thing I stopped trying to help...[/QUOTE]
That is very sad Jenn, but really is it not paleo, it is self-reliance. We as a society are told 'take this drug' because there is something wrong and it is not our fault. However, if you can fix a problem with diet/lifestyle then it is our fault. It requires us to take responsibility and that is hard. Some people would rather just say, "F' you, I have to take pills/smoke a joint/whatever" than admit that they could fix it but wont.
I think the idea of changing how we eat is a really big obsticle for a lot of people. Food is tied to so many things - its social, its emotional, its necessary for survival. Completely changing how we approach food is a big undertaking! Some people think its just too much to take on or too hard to manage or too difficult to give up the stuff they love.
And we all know - this isn't easy. But if eating a bowl of cereal is going to make me hurt all over - you can bet I'll pass on the cereal and eat an egg. I used to be a huge baked goods eater! I LOVED to bake! and I loved to eat what I baked. Giving up that was a hard one............. but I did it.
We want to share with others what we've learned - but honestly, until this WOE becomes more mainstream or they make an info-mercial about it with some big celebrety to endorse it - its going to be seen as some off the wall fad thing. Our country and probably most of the world is too dependent on convenience foods - boxes of this and that. Cooking real whole food is just weird, right?
I don't try to help anymore either. If someone asks me about it I will tell them - but when I get to the part about lectins and inflamation the eyes glaze over - every time! How can something I've been eating since I was weaned off breast milk (or soy based formula) be BAD for me???? Its a lot of take in if you're not already seeking the path to change you're diet.
I haven't lost any friends, but my sister did tell me not to push her. :)
I very nearly lost a very dear friend over self reliance and primal. He now knows I quite literally do it for my health and has now seen me on a bad day, so doesn't even question it (he even sends me links to recipes that sound good that I can eat.) But it was REALLY touch and go for a while.
We my friend won't speak to me anymore. And I miss her. I send her a text periodically that simply says "just checking in. I hope all is well. Call me sometime" or will leave that as a voice mail. I've reached out to her husband and asked if she's still alive b/c she never calls/texts me back and he says she's just really busy at work with a new boss, etc (so, why not call AFTER work??), etc. I've reached out to her on Facebook and left the same message. A few weeks ago there were tornados in her area and I sent a text telling her I hope the family is ok. No text back saying "yep, we're fine. thanks for thinking of us". I figure she'll come around at some point if I keep reaching out. I've stopped sending stuff about paleo/primal and the hashi's link. She told me that she's not ready to give up grains and doesn't think it'll work, and is instead opting to fight with medication levels. I really miss her though. I really really do. She's one I'd be able to talk to candidly about this whole MIL's drug of choice thing and not have to worry about anyone stumbling upon my musings and getting upset, ya know? But she's not available to me at this point b/c I evidently pissed her off. Really makes me sad. She'd been my best friend since at least 2004. It's sad to me that 8 years of friendship is now hanging in the balance b/c of my food choices - or rather, my recommending said food choices to her to help her with her hashi's. I'm sure part of it was that she'd just been diagnosed and hadn't come to terms with it yet and I started throwing links at her and information at her that I was finding (I had never heard of Hashi's before she told me about it so I googled it and later found primal and googled that) and possibly I overwhelmed her... I wish we were still talking...
Anyhow, on a more POSITIVE NOTE: I just paid of THREE debts today. One with a remaining balance of $2,774, one with a balance of $609, and one with a balance of $1,024. Thank you payroll tax overpayments!! :) Oh. My. God. I feel so free right now. It's so liberating to pay off debts!!! OMG... It's going to be a long time before we're completely free of our debt (another 3 years), but it feels so good to have those 3 gone. Turn 3 Graphics is officially a thing of the past. The race car "modifications" are officially paid off (well, our portion anyway) and the new graphics on this year's car are completely ours!
Now, on to some REAL debts - credit cards... Oy vey... that's a monster, but it'll be done before I know it if we keep plugging away at it!