Jenn, over the last few days I've read your entire journal, enjoyed it a lot. Funny how you get to "know" someone from their journal. It's not an easy thing putting your thoughts out there for all to read. You're an intelligent and caring young woman.
Holding down a job, taking classes, keeping house, trying to be a good example for your children and being responsible for shopping and preparing food for everyone like you do is HARD and few can do it without problems every now and then. It shouldn't all be on you to get everything done perfectly. As your kids grow, they can help you clean up, make it a game with prizes and praise them like crazy when they help out. Until then, DH has to pitch in and do as much as you, it's only fair. It would be totally different if you stayed at home full time.
IMO neither injury looks bad at all. It's what happens in the lives of children. You seem to be doing a great job of keeping them alive, and once in awhile crap happens, you take note of it and move on.
Your husband certainly needs to change his way of dealing with things and never again ever speak negatively about you in front of your children. I was as mad as you when you left the house and could certainly feel your pain and anger. He must know in the future that you won't tolerate being made to look like it's your fault when life happens in some slightly negative way.. This will cause disrespect to you from your kids and you don't want that instilled in them at this young age.
Don't beat yourself up when something happens. Most likely you will watch those little fingers so closely in doors from now on, and you'll get your point across about the chance of things that could fall.. It's not like you can move everything in their way forevermore. They will learn from this themselves and be ready for the future. But respect for their mother, who is doing the best she can, is so very important for their little brains to capture, and you've got to drive that home to everyone in the house.
A pic of the aforementioned pinkies (well, one of the more extreme pinky.)
Naiad, your pic didn't come through.
Question for y'all...
I read in PBPM last night that the body only needs like 0.7 gm of protein per kilogram of ideal body mass... she used the example of 150 lbs person. At 2.2 lbs per kilogram, 150 lbs would be 68 kg. 68 kg x 0.7 gm of protein is only 47 gm of protein per day... anything more than that either spurs further growth (cell proliferation - her example was cancer) or conversion to sugar and then to fat...
Seriously? That little? Today alone, according to my tracker, I'm consuming 78 gm of protein... Who's right here? Mark with his 0.7 gm per pound or her 0.7 gm per kilogram???
I've heard both. I honestly don't know, but I stick with Mark's estimations. Much tastier ;) Yeah, I can't imagine only eating one tin of sardines and a few eggs everyday. I think I could probably get by on that, but I don't think I'd be able to build any muscle.
My body has let me know that it prefers that formula done in terms of pounds. If I get below 70-80g for several days running, all I want is a huge hunk of meat, bloody if possible.
Hmmm... Lemme retry the pic.
Pic is working for me. On the topic of crooked fingers, I think kids rarely blame other people for those kinds of things. Boyfriend has broken all fingers at one point or another and chalks them all up to his own stupidity/fooling about, not anybody's lack of attention or being unable to move quickly enough. Eventually he stopped telling people when he got hurt, but he's weird :)
My ring fingers tilt in towards my middle fingers, they look sloped, but I don't think I did anything for that to happen. Or maybe it's because I've always held my pencil wrong (middle finger on the pencil instead of index).
My parents used to joke that they knew I was gonig to be a writer when I grew up because of the then constant callus on my middle finger from writing all the time. It's gone, now, but it's been replaced with ring calluses (the ones on palm of my hand right under where my rings sit) and calluses on the tips of my fingers from typing and clicking.
I still have a callus on my finger from writing so much as a child.
Brad and I are going to talk tonight. Face-to-face. And I FB messaged my doctor, explained to her how I was feeling and asked her to call in another prescription for Ativan to get me through this rough patch. Explained the situation and that I feel my anxiety is situational b/c of the hormone flux due to getting off BC, the injuries my kids experienced, the turbulance with Brad, etc. Hopefully she'll humor me and send in a Rx for 5 pills or something. The most she's ever given me at a time is 10. I told her I could schedule an appointment for Friday afternoon or Monday, but I'd like the prescription refilled before then if possible.
I feel, after talking to brad via email a little while ago, overwhelmed and uncontrolled again and am considering taking another ativan to level me out. But it's my last one and if she says no and things fire up again, I'll be without.
God damn, anxiety sucks! I hate it.
Off to class now. Hoping some time in class will distract me and I can let loose in my hunny's arms later tonight.
Brad and I had our talk last night. We discussed things around the house, money, how we talk to the kids, how we talk to each other, how neither of us want a divorce so we need to change how we treat each other, Brady's head wound, and how I need to stop being so hard on myself. Fewer tears were shed than I had expected. We sealed the deal like any married couple should...
New plan: we're going to be a team. No one has a specific job but everyone is responsible for everything. He and I are going to sit down and look at the financial plan to ensure that I haven't left anything off that needs attention (like the $100 oil changes for the truck!). Any other time I've given him the budget he's glanced at it and disregarded it. I asked him to take an active role in it so that we can get things under financial control. I see the light at the end of this tunnel and it's bright so it must be close.
I feel MUCH better today. No more anxiety. No more flashbacks of that brick falling on my boy's head. No more fighting tears at work. Things are good. Communication is something he and I have never focused on, and it feels good to have sat down and talked to him. I think it's the first time we've had a real serious "state of the relationship address" in the 7 years we've been married. He was very accommodating and was very eager to agree to help out - no defensiveness or hostility like I usually get. He said the other night when I stormed out of the house and the kids asked where I was going was the most scared he's ever been b/c he didn't know what to tell them or where I was going or when I'd be back. I left to take a walk b/c otherwise I was going to blow up - needed some time to chill out, relax, and calm down. He wasn't sure what I was doing.
Anyhow, I think we're both on the same page now. The last thing I told him is that I want to be a team and he agreed.
So, on to less depressing conversations. :)