Man, that was a rough time. Hugs.
I'm glad your kids are okay and that Brad recognized he messed up. Definitely not okay to call each other out in front of the kids like that. If there's an issue, it needs to be brought up aside and then brought up to the kids to make a correction, if necessary.
Your "red zone" is rather alarming to me. I immediately wonder how long you've been off the SSRI. That kind of mood fluctuation is what I experience (except for me it's usually just debilitating depression, not rage) when I really need to get back on some kind of supplement. I used to get that way when I was between meds, and I've been feeling "irrational" lately if I'm not on Tryptophan.
The red zone isn't rage... that's anxiety level. Like when a car is overheating and enters the red on the dial. My anxiety level was maxed out. I felt like I could shit myself and puke at the same time. I was in full fledged Fight or Flight mode. And that has only happened 3x in my life, to that level. I've had many panic attacks, but only 3 that were that elevated, in 32 years.
I have been off my SSRI since June. And as long as my diet is under control, everything is fine. I get overwhelmed but not to any point that makes me disfunctional. Usually, a short break away from the stressor is enough to bring me back down to earth and capable of tackling the situation. This was beyond that. There was no tackling the situation b/c it was already over.
This will blow by like the last two did... it's just going to take time.
I came back in here to note that I'm not looking for "You're a great mom" comments or anything like that. I only put that out there so that it was no longer sitting on my heart so I could move on. Like talk therapy, maybe. So, thank you Sabine for your comment. That is what I'm looking for. Man, rough day. Hang in there. Hugs. Perfect. Thank you.
Ah, okay, that makes sense. I like to understand these things, just the way I work. I appreciate you explaining it.
Tash, I might stop by the vegan store (they have great vitamins) and check out some l-tryptophan. PBPM mentions it a lot as an essential amino acid and you talk about it as being a great supplement to help with your mood fluctuations. Is this something you take daily?
Recently, yeah, I take it daily (first thing in the AM on an empty stomach). If I'm still feeling off in a couple of hours, I take another. I can really feel my thoughts kind of calm down and come together as time passes after I take it, usually within 30-45 minutes.
From time to time, I'll go off it for a while, but I can usually tell within a day or two if I still need it. I try to give it a full week without, but sometimes, I just feel too crazy. I'm completely blaming this on hormones, right now, considering all that's been going on with me (wonder if that could be a factor for you, going off the shot?).
For the super on-edge, ready to flip my lid feelings, I still use GABA Calm from time to time. That leaves me a bit numb, but it's preferable.
Here is a picture of my daughter's fingers.
here is a pic of Brady's head. The tiny slit in the center is the actual cut. The rest of it is just dried blood he won't let me clean off yet. And I didn't want to push the subject until I was confident there was a really good scab in place, which there wasn't yet at that point. There is this morning though, so tomorrow night when I am home, I can probably get in there and really scrub the excess off. Until then, it looks like this.
wow! thats a lot of emotional stuff to deal with in a short period of time! You were wise to leave the house for a bite - and wiser still to turn around and take care of the needs of your kids. And good for Brad on taking responsibility for his bad choice of words.
As for communication - you're right on track. Decide together that the texting and emailing is an unacceptable form of communication. A husband and wife need face time - eye contact - and touching while trying to work out issues. You can always send a short - "we need to talk tonight" and leave it at that. It important to hear each others words, not just read them.
I think you definitely need to plan a long weekend alone. A marriage NEEDS time alone! You're kids will survive with the grandparents for a few days and they will probably think its quite an adventure as well - tell them that THEY get to go on vacation! Then you and Brad get away and focus on each other! :)
Those owies will heal and be forgotten --- but I know it hurts a mommies heart to see them........... sorry, Jenn. Accidents happen.
Well, FWIW, you are a great mom. There's no way we can perfectly foresee every situation and protect our kids from them. They got some relatively minor bumps and bruises, which will soon be completely healed. It is far, far worse to wrap our kids in bubble wrap and prevent them from learning from consequences. Brady disregarded your warning and paid for it. I do not believe that our houses should have every tiny hazard removed, preventing our children from learning restraint and self-control. Truly dangerous things should not be left around, obviously. Bleach bottles or objects that would fracture a skull instead of just causing a superficial cut, for instance. I can't begin to give you the list of the injuries my five kids suffered at one point or another on my watch, some of which (although not many) were genuinely my fault. But as one of the nurses laughed while sewing up my son's lip, "Don't worry. He'll still be able to get married." Good call. He's the one with three kids. I can't even remember how his lip got cut. There were too many things like that with five of them to keep track. I also required stitches in my lip as a child. I also got married. ;) I do remember how it happened to me, and how it taught me to think more about the possible consequences of my actions.
It is not your job to protect your kids from every bump and bruise they inflict on themselves. This is a modern parenting myth that causes far more harm than good. Bumps and bruises are an absolutely essential part of the learning and maturation process. We should never deliberately cause them, of course, but life happens, and our kids need to learn to handle that, and adjust their behaviour to account for reality.
I squashed my fingers in the frame of a heavy metal door at school when I was five, much worse than Makenna did. There were no lasting consequences. Nor from getting them slammed in a car door a couple of years later. I learned to be careful where I put my hands. Kids' finger bones are mostly cartilage, so they can learn these lessons with no lasting damage, just like their skulls remain flexible for years.
You are a mother, not Supergirl. You can't fly to their rescue faster than the speed of falling objects and swinging doors. They need to learn - and it's an essential life skill - that the physical world must be respected and that they need to take reasonable precautions. You took reasonable precautions, so you have nothing to feel guilty about.
I still use email when dealing with certain issues with my husband. Emotions ramp up so easily face-to-face and it's so hard to stay on track with what needs to be said. I don't see it as a failing at all. I usually write them and don't send them right away. Sometimes just writing them is enough, because I just needed to vent. If it's something he needs to hear, sleeping on it and then carefully editing is much better than an emotional dump.
I'm sorry the whole thing was so stressful for you, but I think that you handled it really well. I am impressed by the continued efforts you are making. And the fact that your husband is at least willing and capable of examining his own behaviour and apologizing for it makes me very hopeful. That lays the groundwork for positive changes. They might come gradually, in fact most changes do, but hopefully the stressful incidents will become fewer and less intense. I doubt if there's any such thing as a marriage with no collisions, but as long as they aren't too frequent and at low speed, we can handle them.
Honey, if that's what wigs you out, my parents should've prob watched us a bit more carefully (well, they should've anyways, but...)
Both of my pinky fingers are bent 30- 45* at the last joint. They're bent enough that I wear rings as spacers so that last joint doesn't lie atop my ring fingers. I dislocated them when I was 6 or 7 at the grocery store with my folks. I was fooling around with the doors in the forzen food section, and had my fingers in the groove when someone opened the door on it. I screamed bloody murder, they closed the door, and we looked at my fingers. They figured it was just something like Makenna's because it was so swollen. When the swelling finally went down, I was already working around it. They didn't notice the bend under a decade or so later. I still can't fully extend either pinky, or straighten them, without pain. You did fine with Makenna.