UGH. Fuck the grocery store. Worst food ever. I had to go today because the market wasn't open and I was COMPLETELY out of food. All their produce is overpriced! The meat quality sucks and yet is super expensive! I asked the woman at the butcher counter if they had grassfed beef and [B]she didn't even know what I was talking about[/B]. I went to look at whole chickens because they are dirt cheap at the butcher and I can eat for days on one chicken. ~$12 PER CHICKEN, and they're not even local or cage-free. And every time I see "all-vegetarian diet" proudly proclaimed, I roll my eyes so hard it must be audible from space.
I ended up buying bison because I know that, by law, it is grassfed (although grain-finished), and cannot have hormones or any other bullshit. And it was the only meat in the whole store I trusted to not suck, and I needed to eat SOMETHING for the next two days. TWELVE DOLLARS A POUND. Fuck me in the ass, grocery store! Wtf!
I also got uncured bacon and organic eggs. TERRIBLE. As I stood in front of the pan and cracked the first egg open, the yolk splorted out and I let forth a loud, uncontrollable, gutteral scream of anguish and frustration. SO PALE. SO HOMOGENOUS. SO TASTELESS. THESE ARE BARELY EVEN EGGS. Meanwhile, the bacon tastes like the lactic culture it was made with. Disgusting.
All told, I bought 5lbs of carrots, 2 bunches of celery, 3 onions, 2lbs of bison, 3 packages of bacon, which are not even a pound each, 1 dozen eggs, and a bottle of lemon juice for my hair. SIXTY FUCKING DOLLARS. SIXTY. 6-0. The majority of that food isn't even going to last a week. I don't think I have ever managed to even approach $60 at the farmers market before I literally could not even carry more food home. Last time I went there I bought an 8lb pork butt, 3lbs of ground sirloin, 3lbs of bacon, overpriced cherries, and enough vegetables for over a week. It wasn't even $50, and my bags were so heavy I barely survived the walk home.
I am never going back to the grocery store again. Fuck that place to hell. I literally feel like I was robbed.
On a lighter (and, frankly, hilarious) note, I ran into the guy whose apartment faces mine across the alley today when I was going downstairs. He was sitting on the stairs of his building, which are opposite the stairs to mine.
I should mention here that I am always naked in the apartment. Always. Clothes don't happen unless I am on my way out the door. And I am not exactly vigilant about closing my drapes. And when I say that, I mean that I seriously just leave them wide open. This guy has a straight-shot view right into my bedroom, and my bed is positioned so that he can see me laying naked on the bed any time he wants. I don't give one hoot about this. I figure he can look if he wants to, or not look if he doesn't want to. Frankly, I always figured I was grossing him out and he went out of his way not to look, but I continued to not care and left the drapes open anyway.
So anyway, I'm walking down the stairs today, on my way to go lay out in the park and work on fixing this farmer's tan. I'm wearing a very tight black wifebeater and floofy, ruffly black skirt. He's sitting there, just chillin on the stairs, looking at his feet. Looks like he's waiting for a ride or something. At this point, I'm thinking "Heyyy.. Isn't that the guy who lives across from me?" because I saw him doing dishes in his boxers once. So anyway, I approach the bottom of the stairs, and he looks up and sees me and goes white as a sheet and completely rigid like he's seen a ghost. His eyes are huge and his mouth is agape. As soon as he meets my eyes, he looks even more terrified and immediately looks away. Then he tries to compose himself and play it cool and he stammers out "A..Afternoon!". And I say "Hi" and continue on down the alley.
OMG HILARIOUS! Haha! Creepy old guy has totally been creepin on me. And I thought he didn't find me attractive. *tear*
Does it make me a terrible person that I kind of want to tease him even worse now? (Don't answer that)
Man.. I looked back and it turns out I have lost no weight at all in the last month. I hit 220 for the first time on 6/03 and I'm still there today. I've fluctuated +-2lbs every few days, but that's it.
This really irritates me. I've been walking a fair amount, often with heavy bags, and getting a lot of sun. And since I can't afford to go out to eat hardly ever, I'm not cheating much. The only "cheats" I've had (aside from that cake, urgh, never again) have been cherries, strawberries, and bananas. And 8oz of cheese. And those 1 and a half tiny sweet potatoes that hurt my stomach. And a couple weeks ago I was eating some peanut butter every couple days as a snack.
These do not seem like mortal sins, and I haven't been stuffing my face. I'm still eating 2 meals a day, and at times, only 1. Frustrating...
I'm willing to bet this is based on several things. I haven't been using the weights at all, partially because it has been so unbearably hot lately that I'm doing everything I can to avoid sweating even more, and partially because I'm super lazy and I honestly have no excuse at all. I've also been [I]super[/I] stressed out with this money situation. And super stressed out about this farming thing. Since I started seeing my therapist again, it has started feeling less like something exciting that I actually want to do, and more like a mandatory homework assignment. So I just canceled my next appointment with my therapist. It is stressing me out way too much to have this farm thing hanging over my head like an ultimatum, especially when I can barely afford to take the bus right now, it takes over an hour for me to get there [I]and[/I] involves walking more than a mile each way, and it's been in the 90s and/or rainy every single day. Lastly, my friend has been so busy/poor that we're not swimming or hitting the gym together anymore, which were the most vigorous workouts I was getting.
Diet-wise, I guess I need to cut out fruit again. And peanut butter is gone. And I'm not buying any more cheese. It's just going to be meat and vegetables now, and I'm going to need to do the weights again even if it's sweltering and I don't want to.
Blah, this is feeling like a punishment. I am not happy right now. I could understand not losing any weight if I were doing what I was doing a year ago: staying up all night every night, eating crap, sitting inside every day not moving at all, etc. But I'm not doing that.. With few exceptions, I've been eating pretty well, sleeping at night, and getting outside a couple times a week. So that's really frustrating that I haven't lost any weight in a whole month when I feel like I am doing pretty well. Oh well, I guess I just have to buckle down harder. I sure hope this doesn't cause me to hate life. I've already been more miserable/stressed out than not lately.
Your body could just be getting used to 220 before it is ready to move on again. And stress, that will mess with you, too.
100 degrees, 110 heat index.
This is [B]not fucking okay[/B]. I feel like I'm going to die. And it's only 11am.
Regarding the heat and exercise. I timed it pretty well the other night (and tonight) by going outside to workout around 8 so the temperature was around 90 (bearable) and it got cooler as the workout went on. It's an option to think about. The cool/cold shower after helps a lot :D I agree with Sabine about the plateau in weight before it begins to drop again. I think you've experienced this before so keep doing what has worked for you and you'll continue seeing results I do believe :)
Note to self: Even if I am exhausted and can fall asleep without melatonin, TAKE IT ANYWAY. I crashed out last night at like 9:30 without taking my pills, and woke up what felt like every 20 minutes. Finally got up more than 12 hours later feeling like I'd been run over by a bus and totally exhausted. Just like I used to every day.
Finally got to the market today!!! It's the first nice day in weeks. By "nice", I mean "not 100 degrees".
Bought tasty things! 6lbs of bacon with the rind still on. And a spare rolled-up rind! I'm gonna make homemade pork rinds. Also, 3lbs of ground sirloin and a bunch of chicken backs/bones. And 4 dozen farm eggs. <3<3
Also, I'm proud that I walk so fast, even when carrying ~30lbs of groceries. I easily pass people on the sidewalk and I'm always the first when crossing the street. Halfway home, I realized I was speedwalking with a ton of groceries and wasn't even winded. I was breathing through my nose perfectly fine. That felt good.
Cutting up the pork skin for rinds.
Lol pig nipples. :o
So I decided to stop eating fruit/anything sugary about a week ago, and since then I've been rabidly craving sugar. I really want a bottle of Mtn Dew, or ice cream, or chocolate-covered strawberries. :( But I'm resisting. The other day I had to walk to the store for ketchup for shepherd's pie (after deciding I really didn't care to make my own) and resisted buying chocolate or Mtn Dew. I bought some bacon jerky instead. And then ended up returning it after I tried it and it tasted like chemicals. Yuck. And I DIDN'T then go for the sugary stuff instead, I just left the store. I hope these cravings go away soon! They are difficult to resist, and wanting things you can't have is always pretty unpleasant.
I've been feeling like crap upon waking, too, so maybe I'm going through a second carb flu from going VLCarb. I don't know.
I'm trying to put effort into working out more too. Going to try and use the weights and do squats again, even if for only a couple minutes a day. It's better than nothing.
Also, no money yet from my dad. Blah.