Jamilyn's 30th Birthday Wish
I am a 30 year old mother of two darling little girls. I am just about 5'1" and lets just say that I'm getting way too close to weighing almost as much as what 2 people of my height are "supposed" to weigh. I have always struggled with my body image, and have ALWAYS had a tummy. Even in high school, when I was very active in sports including tennis and track, I still had virtually no waist. It was embarrassing and very hard to find clothes that fit comfortably for my height.
After the birth of my second daughter, I allowed myself to skyrocket to a weight that I had never even dreamed possible for me. In the time since then (about 18 months) I have struggled to lose the extra pounds. I did try paleo/primal once for about 2 weeks, and did fantastic! I even saw a hint of a curve where my waist had never really appeared before! I gave up after those two weeks because my husband is extremely unsupportive and really pushed the snacks and alcohol while on a family vacation at the end of the summer.
This past weekend, my husband took me out with friends for my 30th birthday. The night was fun but quickly skyrocketed out of control with alcohol and all sorts of shenanigans. I woke up the next day and was pretty much non-functional for about 24 hours (the kids were with Grandma). I have never felt so rotten in my life.
The hangover was only one part of the absolute torment that I felt. For the first time in my life, I had allowed myself to lose complete control over my choices with alcohol. I realized that I have been doing this in my life in many places and that I had, without a doubt in my mind, hit rock bottom. I spent the whole day wallowing in misery and pain as I reflected on how much of my life I am letting just "happen". It made me sick to think about what kind of example my health is showing our kids. My husband is in worse shape than I, so his story is for another day and for him to tell, but I knew that I needed to make a change immediately.
So here I am, one week after my 30th birthday, feeling worse than I have ever felt in my life. I am self conscious, heavy, un-energetic, grumpy, and just extremely the opposite of anything that I have ever been. BUT, there is a little pinpoint of light peeking through this icky haze. That light is the awareness that I have the knowledge and power to change my existence in this world.
I am starting this journal for a couple of reasons. First, I need a place to feel supported in my decision to go paleo/primal. I am not supported at home and I need to share my victories, challenges, opinions, and questions in a respectful environment. Second, I am hoping to use this forum as sort of a mirror so that I can see where my triggers, hang-ups, and patterns are. I have never felt more committed to doing something for me in my whole life. I hope to gain great knowledge and friends on this journey.