Yay for the weight loss!
I just wanted to say that going to your parents' house doesn't *have* to mean an automatic cheat. My husband's dad is very anti-paleo (he's a Dean Ornish guy who somehow works in tons of Ovaltine and no veggies in his mind), and usually all that's available is processed/sugar/wheat/corn. So I just bring my own food. My hubby too, as he's pescatarian, and they always serve meat (in a sauce, in a tortilla). We socialize together, FIL knows just to STFU about what we're eating, and life is good. I bought two sets of glass containers for food mostly for work lunches and leftovers, and I just pack up our food and take it with.
You can still bring your dad KFC, but then you just heat up your meal. For me, I want my off plan eating to be worth it. The half a flourless dark chocolate chipotle cake with salted caramel and creme fraiche that came with my prix fixe meal during restaurant week was *more* than worth it. A Snickers or something like that? Nah, I'll pass.
Just wanted to point out that you do have choices. :)
Another 40-something shorty who moved back to their hometown after a long sad story? Hey, that's me too!
We're probably about the same shape as well, i'm just a little shorter
Looking forward to following your new happy success story!
So, a day off the internet really did me good! I got a lot of other stuff done and got to read a lot. I'm sad that I have to go back to work tomorrow. I wish every week was a three-day weekend! I really do feel like the first two days are just flailing and trying to adjust to not being stressed, and only in the third day do I start feeling relaxed and actually accomplishing things I want to do. *sigh*
So eating today:
B: coconut-almond-banana pancakes, 1 piece bacon, 1 sausage (no nitrates or cured, either of them)
L: Salad, take-out Indian food -- chicken bhuna (a dry curry). I know there's some risk of thickening agents being used in it and that makes me sad because I love-love-love curries. I think it's not as likely in a dry curry. At least I hope not. I did have like a tiny-tiny bite of naan. The naan they gave me was ENORMOUS, probably enough carbs to last me a year. I tore off a piece smaller than my palm (and I have TINY hands) and put the rest in the freezer in small portions.
D: the rest of the bhuna, a few cashews, 1 glass of red wine
Walked 4 miles at a brisk pace. It took me 1 hour and ten minutes. I did Jillian Michael's 30-day shred DVD but skipped the three ab workouts (did the plank during one of them and did yoga stretches during the other two). Basically the 30-day shred is a circuit workout that involves a lot of strength training with dumb bells, push-ups, and brief spurts of cardio. I like it, and it's a good workout. I am usually exhausted afterwards.
Otter: HI! Another shortie, yay! I would even get to loooom over you, haha.
BeachTeach: Thank you! Yes, just to clarify, I did not have the KFC (ick). You're right -- that would NOT have been a worth-it cheat. It's just complicated with food at my parents' house. It's all fraught-- and well, that's just an issue I have, nothing that anyone is forcing on me. It's like there's all this food there that I don't buy for myself and I just feel tempted and easily swayed when I'm there. This doesn't happen when I'm visiting other people, just my parents. Weird! Definitely something I need to tackle! Also, my mom is WEIRD about my food issues. She's always quick to jump on whatever I'm doing, like she thinks I will become too obsessed and that gaining weight is an inevitable part of getting older and I should accept that (NOOOO!).
Congrats on making a positive change. I started about a year ago and there were slip ups in the beginning. I had to focus on the awesome stuff I could have and not the stuff I could not. I also loved chips and salsa. Salsa is one of my favorites, so I dip celery in it instead. I ate too many of the primal.snacks people warn you to eat in moderation, such as nuts and fruit. But it was still better than donuts or candy. Each day I did well I rewarded myself with a square of dark chocolate. Then I started to settle in and fine tune. Don't beat yourself up if it isn't always perfect. I have lost almost 50 lbs and most of all, I feel fantastic. Hang in there.
So I know that I did not eat perfectly this weekend. In fact I ate out a lot (with take out food) and had some high caloric things like those pancakes I like to make on the weekend and did not eat enough vegetables.
And so why do I feel so angry and surprised that my weight is up this morning?
Yesterday it was 142.8
Part of the anger centers around this: You have to understand that from about mid-January 2011 to December 2011, my weight was primarily in the 130's, with an occasional and brief stretch into the lower 140s. NOW, ever since January 2012, it's been full on the 140s and I can't seem to get out of there. I'm really freaked out by my body right now! Also I've been eating a lot more meat this year, and I wonder if that's a contributing factor (I was a mostly vegetarian before where I ate fish and a VERY occasional bit of chicken and no red meat).
There could be so many factors. Is it the increase in exercise and my muscles being a bit stiff and sore? Is it just eating too much? Have I added too much fat to my diet? Is it too many cheat days in January/early February? Too many last suppers? Too much inconsistency and indecision about what I want to do? Have I just not yet found the thing that will work for ME? I'm not used to my weight absolutely CLINGING to the 140s. Usually when I see my weight creep up to this point, I stop eating sugar or make a few changes, exercise more and it usually flies right back down into the upper 130s. Which. Again. 130s is still too heavy for me. I need to be somewhere between 110 and 120 for my height and frame. But I'm really getting freaked by my body recently wanting to cling to a higher weight. Is it a magical turning point with my age? It's weird. Ever since January I've felt like this extra layer over my upper and lower abdomen and it's really scaring me.
So I need to get serious. *sigh* I hate getting too serious about food because it takes all the fun out of eating. But I do not want to go quietly into being flabby. I won't do it.
Sixtoesgirl: Thank you for your encouragement. I need all the positive success stories I can find right now, lol. I'm feeling so icky-flabby this morning! :)
I hear ya. Most people will tell you to "throw out the scale", but I'm doing the opposite and tracking my weight daily. It's been really interesting to see what causes it to waver. I think a salty dinner makes me retain water more than a few carbs and ToM was a doozy.
i think, especially in your 40's, you need to be able to tell if the current diet and exercise are working and the scale is the most convenient way. But because you're female and your weight is going to cycle, you need to know what the parameters are so you can see if the basic trend is downward (or not).
Primal is actually really FUN because you can cook with butter and cream and bacon and all those "illegal" foods!
Muscle soreness is great because muscles are awesome!
ottercat: Thank you! I do feel better (and lighter) right now. The truth of the matter is, I ate out a lot this weekend, and no matter how healthy your choices are at a takeout place, it's going to probably be filled with sodium and other things I shouldn't be eating (like MSG!).
I'm on hormone pills that take my period away, so I don't have the fluctuations I used to. Oh boy, weight loss was IMPOSSIBLE when I was not on these pills. I used to gain 4-6 pounds for almost 1/3 of every month -- like a whole week before and then the first four days of my period! It would take forever for my body to release the bloating. It was so awful because I would give up on weight loss attempts all the time because I would think WHAT'S THE POINT MY BODY HATES ME!
My muscles feel great today! :) I was a little stiff this morning, but I feel better now.
What I would like to do with the scale is not attach emotion to it, like keep track every day to see if there is a downward trend, but not panic every time it goes up...
This morning I saw a loss:
Starting weight (SW): 144.4
Current weight (CW): 142.2
Total loss: 2.2
Again, I wasn't perfect yesterday, but getting closer:
B: 2 eggs (one hardboiled, one fried), 1/2 a non-cured, no nitrate sausage
L: tuna with salad, pickled vegetables, homemade salad dressing, berries
S: (eep here), a handful of animal crackers...oh man oh man, I couldn't stop...handful of sun chips (eep again)
D: a few cashews, chicken breast roasted, roasted vegetables, glass of wine, square of dark-dark chocolate
For exercise, I just did a 20-min Pilates dvd. Also I jumped and danced around to music for a bit last night.
Also, I banished my cat from my room and got some really good sleep last night.
Yeah, this weighing thing is driving me over the edge! I can't let it go. My body feels like it must be someone else's. There is NO WAY normal me would stay in the 140s for this long when I was making so much effort in various ways. I feel like there's a tire around my upper and lower abdomen, just an extra layer of something. It's so uncomfortable, it feels like an alien presence.
So yesterday I was 142.2 and today I'm 143.4? How does that even happen? Does my body like to torture me? I can't have really gained 1.2 pounds in one day. I just didn't eat that much. I didn't even have wine last night.
I did exercise a bit more than usual. I ran 2 miles (with some walking thrown in) and then did 30 Day Shred. I struggled with the strength exercises, and I mean struggled. I had to stop and take a breather several times because my muscles just wouldn't do another rep. I felt stiff and weak right afterwards. So it's very possible that my muscles are retaining water. But I feel this ickiness in my gut, like something has gone dreadfully wrong there.
Ultimately what it means is that I should throw the scale out for awhile, but I really want to witness my body getting out of those 140s, just to make sure that it still can. I'm so worried that somehow, by some action or actions or non-actions of mine, that I've screwed up my body forever, that I've doomed it to have this extra padding. And no, it does NOT look good or natural. I'm too short for 140 to look like a good weight. Also, being in my 40s? Any amount of flab, especially in the belly area, will make me look older than my years. I am so terrified of looking like I've given up.
I can't, I can't, I can't.
And yet, what do I wish I could have this morning? A cranberry scone from my favorite cafe. *sigh* It's like my mentality really hasn't changed at all, and that's dangerous for me, especially if I don't start seeing some good results and soon (By good results, I mean a decent trajectory out of the 140s without this up and down nonsense). And it's not Primal eating fault, it's me not being fully compliant or willing to take away every single pleasure away. I need to be more committed than I am. Even now. You would think that my agony would make me more committed, but I'm not.
This felt really good to get this out here in venting style. By the way, I am fully aware of how irrational most of this ranting is. It's just me ranting. :)
yeah, didn't do so well the last few days. I am going to take a break from this journal and feeling bad about myself because I'm not eating the way I planned to, and this week, I am going to eat extremely clean, no wine, no extras, nothing but wholesome, clean food until next weekend. Also, I seriously think that beef and pork have a negative effect on my stomach. Whenever I eat either of these meats, my upper abdomen gets more distended! I don't know if it's an allergy of some kind or the fat level that I'm not used to?
I'm also not going to weigh myself until next weekend (yesterday when I weighed myself I was 142.8).