[QUOTE=tomi;1003125]Ok - since we're on the subject............ when I was younger I had a very healthy sex drive. Hubby and were married at the age of 41 and 3 times a week was pretty normal. That went on until all my hormones dried up when I went head first into menopause! Now........ I might think about it during the day - but by the time bedtime rolls around I just want to go to sleep. I feel like this huge peice of my personality has gone MIA!! I talked to my doc about it she said - "yea, its really tough for a woman after menopause. Maybe try erotica?" So............ anyone else post-menopausal and suffering from NO sex drive? Its gotten just a smidgen better lately, but not enough!![/QUOTE]
Did you read Mark's post today about Maca? It actually sounds promising.
Oops I guess you did :) Share the results!
[QUOTE=tomi;1003768]Maca Root on order.......... Amazon.com $6.49 for 100 5.25 mg tablets sig. 3 times per day. I ordered 2 bottles! :) Will follow up after a couple weeks of taking them.[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Paleobird;1003161]Speak for yourself, gf! I'm 50, post menopausal and still kickin' it.[/QUOTE]
I hear ya! I'm 47, closing in on 48 pretty soon, and I'm still ready whenever!
Want to know what did wonders for my sex drive?
Finally finding an amazing man almost 3 years ago. Seriously!
At 48 I was still ready to go too....... once the periods stopped completely at 50 - so did the libido. Like OVERNIGHT! Turn off the switch! It was awful! My husband was like.............. "what????" He thought it was something he did (or didn't do). I had to explain to him it was all about hormones. Poor guy........ :*( I'm hoping this Maca stuff works wonders! I won't share the details - but I will certainly let you all know if it works! ;)
RitaRose, I'm sure you don't mean it, but your comment reminds me of one of the most stressful aspects of low libido. I can survive without it, yes, and I do have a happy relationship without sex, but I [B]want sex[/B]. Implying that I don't have the right guy is hurtful (not saying you are doing this, but people have said that to me before).
I picked up Maca Root last night. I hope it helps.
[QUOTE=namelesswonder;1004771]RitaRose, I'm sure you don't mean it, but your comment reminds me of one of the most stressful aspects of low libido. I can survive without it, yes, and I do have a happy relationship without sex, but I [B]want sex[/B]. Implying that I don't have the right guy is hurtful (not saying you are doing this, but people have said that to me before).
I picked up Maca Root last night. I hope it helps.[/QUOTE]
Not all good relationships have good sex. They don't go hand in hand. Sex is just a fringe benefit to what is already good. I'm sure when you have sex with boyfriend it is enjoyable - and desired. And if it isn't either of those - and you want it to be - there are certainly ways of improving that part of your life. Learning what each person enjoys and does not enjoy is all a part of the process of building the bond.
And fwiw .............. I had GREAT sex with my ex husband............ but we had a REALLY lousy relationship! He knew exactly how to please me physically -- but left me totally barren emotionally. In fact --- AFTER telling me he had never really been in love with me (18 years of marriage) he later wanted to know if we could still have sex, because "I still find you very attractive". (DUMB ASS!!!!!)
If you love boyfriend - and feel totally "at home" with him - then the lack of libido IS NOT a reflection of the relationship. There is so much more to a relationship then physical attraction, or more pointedly, sexual attraction. That part is totally changable. It could be nothing more than an imbalance in what makes a woman feel those desires. It could also be partly that he hasn't found just the right way to make those desires come alive in you.
Talk to him about it..........
I know that the tendency is to assume that something is not right beyond hormones, but I've had years to think about this. We have a good relationship and we have good sex, but my drive just isn't there most of the time. Boyfriend had a hard time dealing with the lack of libido early on, but it's been a couple of years now and we manage. I am the only person really bothered by it, when it comes to the two of us, despite his high drive. When the anxiety and depression are bad (more worse than better, for the past few months, linked to my gut issues), my libido vanishes altogether. I know it's a problem with me, chemically or whatever, and it's frustrating.
[QUOTE=namelesswonder;1005022]I know that the tendency is to assume that something is not right beyond hormones, but I've had years to think about this. We have a good relationship and we have good sex, but my drive just isn't there most of the time. Boyfriend had a hard time dealing with the lack of libido early on, but it's been a couple of years now and we manage. I am the only person really bothered by it, when it comes to the two of us, despite his high drive. When the anxiety and depression are bad (more worse than better, for the past few months, linked to my gut issues), my libido vanishes altogether. I know it's a problem with me, chemically or whatever, and it's frustrating.[/QUOTE]
You're not the only one...my husband is having some libido issues lately, which is really freaking him out, because he's always had a crazy high sex drive, but lately, it's like his drive just doesn't exist. He's really panicking about it, because he HATES having such a low libido out of nowhere. We both know it has nothing to do with our relationship or how we have sex, we're still pretty imaginitive and experimental, and when it happens, is always awesome...
I'm convinced it's a temporary thing that has to do with his crappy sleep, his digestive issues, and overall not being in a good state of health, and I bet it's the same for you, too. It's hard to have a good sex drive when you're struggling with your health, and there are soooooo many health problems that have a direct effect on libido. I notice that my normally high libido dips when I'm feeling extra fatigued or stressed.
And when I went through my crazy awful depressive spells, my libido disappeared. It's really amazing how much of our lives are determined by chemicals in our brains...too much, not enough, just a little out of balance and everything gets out of whack. But, that also means that the problem can just as easily disappear when those chemicals balance out again, so there is always hope, no matter how dismal it seems.
I'm reading about this maca root! I read a blog somewhere about a woman with 2 small kids who started having sex with her husband twice a day, adding in toys, and she lost 15 pounds in 2 months and felt happier than she had in years. She did it like a diet, she forced herself at first, and then really started digging it. I would totally sign up, but it would me I would have to get up earlier and stay up later. Maybe I should make Sunday and any other night off he has a 2 sex day/night rule. I doubt it will happen though. If he could find a day job, I would commit to once a day for sure![/QUOTE]
I think that the problem with this is that as humans, we have a tendency to develop tolerance to even the most enjoyable of things...So you'd think that having sex twice a day would be fun, until you get used to it, and it's expected, and then it's like chore to get done with, not something to look forward to. I don't understand why our brains are so stupid sometimes.
My husband and I made a pact to fight against tolerance (that sounds really weird in print), so we try to organize it so that every few months we spend a week apart so that we can get really excited about seeing each other again. Usually, I go visit my mom, or he stays with some friends for a few days. It probably sounds really stupid, but I swear it works.
After a week, we're both chomping at the bit to be back together again, not just for sex, but also we're reminded how much we enjoy each other's company, and we look forward to falling asleep together (instead of fighting over the blanket that never seems to be big enough!).
I wasn't implying that all libido issues come from a crappy relationship, just that it's much easier to desire a good man than it is to desire one who is disrespectful or cruel. That has been my experience.
Certainly wasn't saying that was the only reason for low sex drive.