Ruth, Would you be interested in a blood glucose monitor? I have an extra one from Walgreens pharmacy. Mom bought it on a trip to WI when she forgot hers at home. It comes with testing strips, lancets and instructions. Getting replacement supplies would be easy at Walgreens.com.
I thought I would offer it to you first, before I asked in the EMF thread. PM me you address if interested.
160 today. How is that I can gain 2 pounds (whether it's water or whatever) is 2 days and yet it will probably take 4-6 days for it to go away? Sigh.
The following is a result of some major hormones. It's the emotional/irrational side of me. However, I've spent a lifetime hiding my feelings and bottling things up. I would prefer to get it out in a "safe" place, as opposed to let it fester inside of me. The rational part of me can appropriately these feelings.
When I was young (~4-5), my mom hooked up with a guy. At first he seemed great, but he wasn't. Ultimately, I was mentally and (somewhat) physically abused as well as neglected. My dad was not in my life. My dear grandparents tried their best, but they lived in WY and we lived in CO. At various points, we would pack up our stuff and leave. I was so excited, thinking life was about to turn around. However, usually within a day, we were back and my dreary life would return. Two things about this relate to weight loss. First, I often felt that I had done something wrong -- but what, I never knew -- to deserve the life I led. I felt hopeless and out of control -- nothing I did (or didn't do) changed my circumstances. Second, I often had my hopes raised, only be devastated again.
The fact that I cannot get to my goal weight (let alone worry about maintaining) brings these childish feelings back to the forefront. I'm a reasonably smart, intelligent gal. I've read more about weight loss than I can imagine. I'm willing to work hard. I'm willing to sacrifice. But, things don't seem to work for me like they do others. The emotional part of me says that: (i) I'm dumb and lazy (as the step dad told me every day); or (ii) I've done something wrong and I don't deserve to be thin (what that wrong is, I don't know:)). [The rational part of me knows this is not true!] In addition, when I lose weight, only to have it not only stop, but I see a gain, it reminds me of all those times my mom packed us up, only to take us back to that bad place. I struggle with weight loss because it seems like it is out of my control -- a feeling that I do NOT like very much.
As I said, this is all emotional, triggered in part by natural hormonal fluctuations. Most of the time, I keep these things locked up where they belong...but perhaps it explains, in part, my obsession with my results.
End of psych session.
Not sure what I'll do today. I have a good book downloaded on my iPad and perhaps I will do some cooking (something I love).
Ruth, I am so sorry for the things you have had to endure and at such a young age. I am also sad that you seem to apologize for the feelings. I think it is good that you have a place to lay these things out, safely and hopefully work through them. I obviously have no advice, but what I do have is a book I would like to send you if you have not already read it. it is called "Thin from Within", it is very thoughtfully written, and has a series of very short chapters that are meant to help work through things to get to a place where you can allow yourself to lose the weight. PM me your mailing address if you are interested.
Regarding your 2 pound gain. I can TOTALLY relate. The first time I got on the scale after I had been pretty close to the track on this whole EMF thing and the modified FF, I had put on 5 pounds. WTH?!? There are obviously more factors than calories and macros at work here. Slowly, by keeping our little records on MFP and here, we will finally figure it out. But I believe that the healing-emotional and physical-has to happen before we can lose fat and hold that loss. I also believe that once we heal it will become almost easy. I have to hold on to that thought.
I'm glad you shared that with us. I think you have made a very powerful connection to where the bad feelings come from when You can't get the weight to move. Hopefully you can use that knowledge.
Ruth, your journal is a safe place to put all your feelings. You know us speed girls with stand by you and most of us can empathize to some degree. In the end, you can do what you can do. I know you see your successes different than we do. I will say (for the speed sistah's though), we all see your journey as success. This I am sure does not necessarily "change" your view but sometimes hearing another perspective helps. Hugzz girlie!!
159.8. Can you say SLOW? Ok. At least it's in the right direction. And, my measurements seems a little better.
Feeling more resilient today. Not wanting to work, but that's nothing new these days. Assuming nothing blow up (a bad assumption in our life!), we will pay the house off in 4-5 months. Not saying I'll quit then, but I won't feel quite so pressured to stay:)
Quick question...is shakeology by beachbody considered Primal/Paleo???
Ruth, congrats on the down swing! now you can breath a little that you turned it around. Hope the cold symptoms have left the building!
Still have fluid in the ear, but generally feel better.
I'm not sure I feel like I'm on a downward swing - I'm still up over a pound (and 2 lb from my low, low of recent):) But, hey, at least it's not a gain....
Ugh. Attempting to be productive at work, but not feeling the love. At least I don't have many meetings. Talk about a time suck!!!