Once again I went back to weight watchers. It was working. I followed their meal plans exactly, I bought their products, and foods, I counted meticulously. I did have binges in there, fairly often, but was still losing. Exercise was gym classes, and walking. Lots of classes.
I got down to 81 kg, around xmas time of 2008 (my son was 1 now). I hovered around this weight for months. I am unsure why I couldn't break that number. I then discovered a very feminist forum, in my search for healing for my sons traumatic, and unnecessary c/s, this forum helped with this issue, but I actually saw the eat moar fat message, but I took it way the wrong way, and didn't bother looking into more about "normal eating" changed our family into more natural things, cleaning without chemicals etc, and stopped the nasty crappy pet foods, and vaccinations etc. But did not look into it for us, I don't really know why, I wish I had realised the message way back then, I think now it was very similar to primal. But I managed to get myself back up to 102 kg.
Then got pregnant when my first son was 2. I did eat better, and did not test for GD this time. I hired a midwife, and stayed home and had a beautiful healing 6 hour labour. Again went up to 120 kg approx. But lost most of that gained weight in the first month. And again I joined WW, when my son was a month old. I joined at 101 kg. I hired a treadmill and started when he was 6 weeks old, and did the C25K in my house. Once I got more confident I started running outside, and I enjoyed it. I added in some gym classes, at one stage I was doing 2 classes a day. I changed from doing WW to a eat 6 times a day, lean protein, brown rice and spinach type of plan. Felt like crap and was so worn out all the time.
For some insane reason I decided to train for a half marathon. I got injured several times during this process, but thanks to a great physio I was able to get back into it, and keep going.
I got my weight somewhere down to 85 kg or just under I think. Following my 6 x a day eating plan. So low fat it was stupid. When the half marathon came around, we also went on a family holiday, as it was in another state. As soon as we were on holiday, I started eating so badly, ya know carb loading at all that :/
I completed my half marathon in 3 hours and 3 mins. I ended up having a lot of stops for wee breaks (according to my garmin 16 mins of stopping all up). Plus I walked a fair bit in the second half, I was stuffed. My legs were starting to sieze up the last km or so. I was so proud to be finished, to me it was a huge accomplishment. Then later that night I looked up my results, and I had been disqualified for finishing 3 mins after the 3 hour cut off. I couldn't believe it, I was devastated. I ate a lot on this holiday and came home at around 88 kg. I once again went back to my 6 x a day eating, and lots of gym classes and running.
Funny enough nothing changed. Oct 2011 I discovered primal. At first the scale went up about 5 kg, but I looked tons better (the pics are in here somewhere. I started to feel amazing, and lots of my health issues disappeared. I tried the PB fitness, and some crossfit WODS at home, I had found. But then Jan 2012, I joined CrossFit.
The first day I walked in there, and I saw what the people were doing (I had just come for a visit to check the place out). I couldn't stop smiling, I knew it was what I wanted to do, I was so excited, I couldn't wait to get started. Yes I was not very fit, and was last at the workouts for ages, but it wasn't long before I was gaining strength, and confidence. I went in there not being able to box jump on the smallest box, only a plate, and I built up on that, and after 4 months I was able to box jump on the 13 " box. I had gone from ring pull ups, to pull ups with 2 bands (I had worked my way down some bands). I loved doing the strength work with the barbells. I was starting to feel so good about myself. This combined with primal eating (quite low carb, maybe 50 g a day), I felt so good.
Then it all crashed down :(
We had an event where another box came over for a competition, it was along side the open workouts for the CrossFit games.
That night I had 2 beers, no idea why, since I don't drink. Anyway we were packing up to go home, and I was playing with a plastic salad dressing bottle and tried to flip it over, and I dropped it. My coach lost it, and said he was sick of my shit. My mouth fell open, and I didn't know what to say to that, and stormed out and drove home. Now I was not at all drunk, and I knew I was fine to drive the 3 mins to my house. I would not have driven had I not felt up to it. Someone else was going to drive me home, but I was just too upset to hang around.
I showed up the next day, and the coaches partner came out to speak to me, and said they had followed me to make sure I got home safely. I thanked her, but I was still puzzled as to why she came out to meet me. She then went into a long speil about how I made everything about me, when talking to people (i did not know I was doing this at all). And that I needed to put my children in day care (I don't believe in it FOR US). She thought she could say this because yes I was vocal about how happy I was to be there every night during the week, as it can be a long day with 2 children, but I love my children of course, but I did need that break at night, CrossFit was me time, that I thought I deserved. She also said they hated me hanging out afterwards, as they always wanted to go home, WTF? I was never the last to leave, I always hung out when there was at least one other person there, and we seemed to be having fine conversations, that no-one seemed uncomfortable with. I don't get that at all. There was lots more stuff said, but basically she said we need you to take a break for a week, I was also dealing with an injury at the time, so thought yeah why not. Thinking about this now, makes me feel sick. She pretty much told me I was the worst person in the world. I ended up getting a text message later asking me to find somewhere else to train. To say I was devastated was an understatement. The whole situation was messed up, and I wish I knew why it was me that they didn't like for whatever reason. All that stuff they said hurt a lot.
This sent me to stop eating primally and stuff myself as much as possible, and I stopped exercising completely. This gained me nearly 20 kg again.
Which brings us to now. I have lost nearly 3 kg of that. But once again I am starting again. Did I let them get to me? Yes I did, but the whole situation was fucked up.
Argh and now I feel stupid that I have no one to talk to about all this garbage except on a forum where I know no-one personally. But now its telling me I am spending way too much time in front of my laptop.
People on this forum know me far more personally than my co-workers and the small number of friends I've made since emigrating... I shouldn't worry too much about venting if I were you. :)
[QUOTE=badgergirl;1064279]People on this forum know me far more personally than my co-workers and the small number of friends I've made since emigrating... I shouldn't worry too much about venting if I were you. :)[/QUOTE]
thank you :)
Ayla, goodness, that was an absolutely incredible story. I am sorry to hear about the cross fit place. Not nice at all, and you don't forget being treated like that in a hurry.
As for your wedding photos, look on them with pride - I am sure it was a really special day.
However....are you listening to this here old gwumpy gwamma ??????.... from what I have read about you, you are an amazing person, who is doing amazing things, with an amazing family....... Your journey started along time ago, in fact about the day you were born, and it won't end for many years to come. What you have achieved is absolutely awesome, and irrelevent of your weight number.
One thing that I have figured in my 49 years - is - people get jealous, for a variety of reasons, and thats there problem-not yours....what you need to remind yourself is this YOU ARE AMAZING !!!!! sorry I don't mean to yell, but I think that alot of us can identify with your story, and we blame ourselves, or this or that - but we don't have to blame ourselves for anything.
We are who we are, and we must accept and enjoy ourselves for who we are - and you my girl are incredible.
Keep at it, and we will be there for you, just like you have been there for us
Ayla, I'm so sorry you were treated that way by the crossfit people, what a bunch of a$$holes!!! But now, you're back up and stronger than ever!! I'm glad you're sharing your story with us, you're helping more people than you know.
Aw G can you be my mummy? LOL
You are so kind. You too, thanks Dora :)
Its nice to hear outsiders opinions on what happened. For ages there I was trying to work out what I did wrong :(
Lots of things he said to me over the time I was there made me wonder.
One day I was getting my shoes on and I was leaning against the front of his car, and he said "oh get the fuck off my car". He laughed after and said he was joking, but it didn't feel nice. I used a lot of chalk on my hands in the early days, and everyone kind of teased me about it, which was fine. But one day after a session, he said If I ever see the chalk every where like that again, you won't be allowed back, or something along those lines. I said I was sorry and offered to clean it up, but he just brushed me off. I wasn't going out of my way to make a mess. I was too scared to use chalk again after that. I think he hated me from day 1 for some reason. I paid $55 per week for that privilege. And I might add it took me months to gain the courage and confidence in myself to go :( There is another place, although not as close that I can go. But one day, baby steps.
Second attempt at replying...
Go gentle on yourself. Difficult to know from just a forum, but you seem to be incredibly gung-ho. And that's great! But I do worry that you will burn yourself out before reaching your goals. Hence my plea to take it a little easy - slow and steady and so forth. You have the whole rest of your life to enjoy all this goodness; you really don't have to set such a breakneck pace. Change will happen.
As for Crossfit - WTF? No idea what was going on there. Cliques and bitchyness like high school. Crazy.