Primal Coach Puppy has made wonderful strides in self-confidence today, and it is all due to Lady Friend's nasty, natty old hospital sock that repels the supernatural. It is his comfort item, to be carried about and brandished with pride. At one point I stole it and ran around the corner, and then I ran back and he dove for me to steal it back.
Benign Poltergeist is distraught, having finally gained a new subject of torture only to lose him to a talismanic sock, and the disgruntled spirit is taking out its angst in the kitchen by making the dirty dishes multiply of their own accord.
So *that's* what happened to my kitchen!
Damn those poltergeists.
Maybe I should start selling Lady Friend's natty old hospital socks as essential implements for the backyard exorcist.
We all have our hobbies.
[QUOTE=Gay Panda;1038576]That kitty's face!!! Like someone promised it a trip to Mouse Island and then said, "Hah-hah, we're at the vet!!!"[/QUOTE]
Reminded me of this old comic:
Gay Panda loves to exercise.
This is hardly notable, as Gay Panda is a bear of relentlessly cheerful temperaments. I always have a smile on my face. I hug strangers at Whole Foods and offer to push their cart and spare them the risk of infection from the handle; I burst into song when I stroll down the sidewalk and swing around the lampposts to entertain the hordes of tourists that descend upon the Magical Bamboo Forest from January to December*. When bicyclists come rocketing down the road and shoot through the stop sign as I’m driving across town in the Pandamobile, I stomp on the brakes and never, ever, [I]ever[/I] think of using the accelerator instead. When the dentist demanded I relinquish my wisdom teeth**, I jumped from the chair in my nitrous cloud of glee and shouted, “HOORAY!!!”
It is my personal mission to ensure the seven billion people on this planet circle happy faces on their feelings charts, and I can only accomplish this by circling happy faces on my own first. And so this morning I leaped from bed right into my exercise wear and climbed upon my treadmill by the windows. It is by the windows so everyone can watch, since nothing gets the libido going more than a fat panda jiggling on a treadmill. Move over, Viagra. And oysters? [I]Please[/I]. There was so much slobber laid down on my windows over the ensuing 5K that the glass has gone from clear to opaque.
The sun is shining, the chickens are molting, the Panda is sweating, and Kim Kardashian currently has one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse festering in her womb. I am not sure which one, but we will know in a few weeks and will luckily still have time to prepare. So stock your bunkers now with primal essentials like mega-dose iodine pills and bags of beef jerky, feelings charts and generators to run the treadmills. 2013, we’re ready to show you a good time.***
UPDATE: (in explanation of *, **, and ***)
* There really is no off time. It’s annoying. GO HOME, PEOPLE.
** But she can’t have them. I store spare IQ points in there. This is why Americans have been scoring ever lower on state tests in math and science: it is because of the assault on our wisdom teeth. Never trust a dentist, and do not help them in their evil machinations to control the populace.
*** Truth: I [I]hate[/I] exercise, I do [I]not[/I] have a relentlessly cheerful temperament, and the last time a bicyclist rocketed through a stop sign in front of my car, I hurled very ungracious epithets upon him and his ancestors, and damned his line for all eternity.
I bought another book over my little x-mas excursion... I hope you took note and walked EXTRA. :p
[quote]Kim Kardashian currently has one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse festering in her womb[/quote]
but i thought the mayan prediction was a joke!!
[QUOTE=cori93437;1048763]I bought another book over my little x-mas excursion... I hope you took note and walked EXTRA. :p[/QUOTE]
That makes today's 5K YOUR FAULT!!!
Doesn't it feel good to have someone to blame at least?