[QUOTE=Saoirse;927194]nebraska!! that's not too far from me!!! care to add another 200-1500 miles to your trip to say hi? ;)[/QUOTE]
LOL. I will wave in your direction as I pass by!
Maybe we can all do a big meet-up at the World's Biggest Ball of Twine.
I just finished reading all 433 pages, thanks winencandy for pointing me toward the journey. It took me 3 days while recovering from west nile - wait don't run GP - I'm not contagious, you can only get it from a pesky mosquito! I'm a cancer, not a Scorpio. I've laughed, I've cried, I've run my iPad battery down twice a day each day! I noticed GP there are no updates on Q lately. How's your goal going? Looking forward to the ongoing saga of GP and the Magical Bamboo Forest.
I have been avoiding this post for a long time.
Sometimes I think if you were to lock Gay Panda in a closet, with nothing for nourishment but lettuce and water and air, and Ke$ha playing on endless loop to keep me complacent instead of tapping each panel hoping for a secret button that provides an exit*, I would come out of that closet a week later either maintaining my weight or having gained. I have a magic power that nobody wants.
This morning, Gay Panda weighed 201 pounds.
I don’t know how my body does this without provocation. You’d think my pantry was stuffed with cookies and loaves of bread and Twinkies and crackers and cereals and chips, but it isn’t. You’d think I eat out at restaurants every night, but I don’t. Last night for dinner, I had one of those extra-slim pork chops with two eggs on top. I had made two pork chops for myself, but the second one didn’t interest me, and I didn’t eat it. For dessert I had a single square of chocolate and a swallow of heavy cream. It’s been fourteen hours since I had that meal and I’ve eaten nothing since. I err on the side of under-eating, not overeating, and it will be another hour or so before I have breakfast.
Currently I’m canvassing my daily menus in desperation. Was it the little container of raspberries I buy every week? Maybe it’s the small amount of chocolate or licorice. Uh-oh, twice I had cornbread, and then there were those three times I had nachos. Could it be the iodine I take 4-5 times a week? I don’t see how. I’ve been on the same dose for ages, and I’m not interested in ramping it up anywhere near the eyebrow-raising levels I see on CureZone.
How does my body [I]do[/I] this? More importantly, how do I turn the ship around?
Oddly, Gay Panda’s clothes still fit. They are not quite as comfortable, but I’m still wearing the same size of clothing as I was that day in February when I weighed 179. That one day. Part of me wants to throw my paws in the air in defeat, and drive to Safeway for the Jumbo Size box of Lucky Charms. I want to fill my cart with ice cream sandwiches and MnMs and loaves of bread and bags of Doritos and cookies and jugs of Coca-Cola, because if I’m going to lose this battle anyway, eating crap is cheaper than eating primal. Part of me wants to order pharmaceutical-grade HCG just for the pipe dream, and another part of me is sourly thinking that only surgical removal of my doughy belly will get rid of it, and then it will escape the surgeon’s jar in his/her office and come running down the sidewalk as I leave the hospital. It will wail, “I [I]MISSED[/I] YOU!!!” and throw its arms around my waist in an unbreakable grip, and I’ll be fat again.
Gay Panda is not actually going to do any of these things in the paragraph above. Gay Panda is just in a mood, and is actually typing this out dressed in Treadmill Pants. After exercising, Gay Panda will shower and eat a nice breakfast of eggs and bacon, and then Gay Panda will have to entertain a long conversation with the panda self-esteem to not droop about watching sad movies on Netflix Streaming instead of writing.
It would be nice to have something to do, like clearing out the pantry/fridge/freezer of their naughty items, but it would take no time at all to do it. There is meat in the freezer, not ice cream. There is meat and cheese and a head of lettuce in the fridge, not Coca-Cola and hamburger buns. The pantry has one incriminating item: a bar of chocolate. Oh, and a bag of sugar that I haven’t touched in over a year. There is also an unopened bag of Russian cookies with odd emoticon faces that has been in there for two months because it’s a present for a friend.
I am not quite sure what to do with myself right now, except feel that the panda system is broken in a way that can't be fixed.
UPDATE: (in explanation of *)
* Preferably to a network of winding tunnels full of dragons and treasure chests.
At one point, my husband claimed I was on my way to becoming a breatharian, as I kept eliminating foods from my diet, in a vain search for health and weight loss.
I think I would gain if I only breathed.
I lost 10 lbs on my first cruise... we ate pretty much whatever we wanted, but mostly ate in the main dining room, and each meal was an "event"... I still think that is the secret, for me... pay complete attention to what I eat, eat what I want, and enjoy the hell out of it.
It is so very, very, hard to get past several decades of training that "calories count" and "eating fat makes you fat", and other CW nonsense. I find myself under-eating quite frequently. I also find myself automatically going for low-fat options.
You are not broken, Gay Panda dear... you are just healing slowly. That's what I tell myself... I am healing so many years of nutritional abuse.
I did read a blog that said that women shouldn't do the IF thing, because it can stall weight loss. It was a thing I was going to try to use to peel off some more poundage. It probably would have set me back worse. I'm now trying something that you mentioned in a much earlier posting, about increasing the percentage of fat eaten. So, more butter in my coffee, more cream in stuff, more bacon...
Hang in there, GP... the healing will come.
Under-eating can be an issue, because your body is stressed without the food it needs, so it hoardes. I don't know if that can cause gain or not, but it can certainly stagnate fat-loss. GP, if you're ever interested, I'm sure many of your journal readers would not mind taking a peek at your diet to see if there's something that seems very amiss. It could, of course, be one of those lovely things like hormone, adrenal, or thyroid issues, but I always find that barring unusual symptoms, it's best to act like ones body is not out to get them. I hope you feel better soon!
GP, what's your bamboo* intake?
*just kidding, and I think the * is what makes your posts awesomer than other people's posts.
[QUOTE=justyouraveragecavemen;928320]GP, what's your bamboo* intake?
*just kidding, and I think the * is what makes your posts awesomer than other people's posts.[/QUOTE]
GP I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with the weight. Can I ask your height? I know I don't know your gender, and won't attempt to guess, but maybe if you're tall-ish (taller than me anyway) you're actually where you're supposed to be weight-wise? Just a guess since none of us know your true gender (only the imagined one in our head - Panda, that is... Panda's a gender, right?)
Maybe you could ask those wonderfully helpful people on the nutrition board*. Of course, I did about that part. Idk... but if it makes you feel any better, I've been stuck after great, steady, PREDICTABLE weight loss for 3 weeks now. Not a single loss of a single pound in 3 weeks. Depressing, so I know your struggles.
I would also be interested in looking through your menu.
*Grizz will tell you more iodine and sex with him will do the trick.
Personally, I like his writing. I've enjoyed almost everything I've read (I enjoyed Under the Dome til the end b/c the ending to me was absolutely stupid and I think he just gave up and ended it just to end it), but there is one book I haven't been able to get into (Desperation) though I've tried.
Desperation was adapted into a movie, I guess like most of Stephen King's books... and I stumbled on it unknowingly while watching cable late one night. Oh boy, that was one weird and very unsettling movie. Other than The Green Mile, all of his titles leave me creeped out!
I'll have to give Desperation another look.