Primal With A Side Of FABULOUS

Of course she has intimacy issues. I mean, how could her hoo-ha get close to anything but Tommy Lee after having 14 kids? Let's be honest here . . .

(I feel bad for the woman- but only up to a point.)

weren't most of her kids delivered by c-section? If they were, her hoo-ha should be fine - unless she's had a lot of sex in the past and turned it into hamburger...

[QUOTE=jenn26point2;894711]weren't most of her kids delivered by c-section?[/QUOTE]

I think I read somewhere that all of her kids were c-section.

[QUOTE=jenn26point2;894711]weren't most of her kids delivered by c-section? If they were, her hoo-ha should be fine - unless she's had a lot of sex in the past and turned it into hamburger...[/QUOTE]

Wait just a minute...

Dry disinterested, shove the biggest item you can find in there, porn sex = hoo-ha hamburger (Just ask Jenna Jameson);)

Loving, cuddly, lubricated, internal muscles at work sex = a better functioning vagina.

I use mine pleanty... no hamburger HERE.

Just sayn.

[QUOTE=Gay Panda;894721]I think I read somewhere that all of her kids were c-section.[/QUOTE]

Oh, ok. Well then she just has issues :D

PART THREE: I am a creature of the mind, not the body, and so exercise has always had to be forced. In high school, ‘force’ was easy, as it was my looming college applications. Colleges desired well-rounded applicants, and sofa sitting is not a competitive sport*. I swam butterfly through 9th and 10th grade, exercised my asthma from pneumonia in 11th, and swam butterfly again in 12th until I came down with senioritis and just stopped going to practice toward the end of the season. I had gotten into college by then, and I never swam because I loved swimming.

In college and the years afterwards, ‘force’ was The Fats. My mental Coach Shriek hounded me to the gym, informing me that eef I did not do this, I vould be FAT all my life. Did I [I]vant[/I] to be FAT all my life? NO! NO VEE DO NOT VANT ZIS!!! LOOK AT HOW YOU JEEGLE VEN YOU VALK! She was rude and loud and downright cruel at times through my exercise classes and 5Ks and circuit training, yet she got me through. But it did not matter how loudly she shrieked or how low her insults sank; my weight would not go down past a certain point. I could run 5Ks all I wanted and starve myself for months on end, and my weight never budged. Being a panda that naturally falls on the low end of the energy scale, it was disheartening. I loathed exercising but I’d make myself do it, and then there was no reward. I was just even more tired, and still fat.

I hoped when I began primal that I would receive that rush of energy so many people talk about, but I never did. I hoped when I started taking iodine and other supplements that I might receive that rush of energy so many people talk about, but I never did. I sleep better and I stay awake much more during the day, my usual 15,000-piece-jigsaw-puzzle-in-a-tornado of a mind is a little more cohesive, but physical energy? Pshaw. I’m as low energy as I was before. Apparently, that’s just me. And then I feel guilty, because part of primal is making oneself move.

How do I make myself move when I don’t enjoy exercise, it has never felt good, and it doesn’t help me lose weight? What’s the point? I’ve been mulling that over for months. Moving is good for me, but so is asparagus, and I won’t eat that. The perk that ‘it’s good for me’ isn’t motivating, and Coach Shriek has lost her most effective javelin to my heart – that exercise will help me lose weight. It doesn’t. It just makes me tired, and my body is already tired. It interrupts my writing. It creates more laundry. It doesn’t make my spare pounds go poof. I think of exercise as a punishment, which doesn’t help me want to engage in it.

But I own a lovely, gym-quality treadmill, and I would like to get my money’s worth out of it. It sits there sadly in the hobby room asking what it’s ever done to deserve such animosity from its owner, and I explain that it isn’t animosity but bewilderment for motivation. Coach Shriek is gone. I’m long past trying to convince colleges that I’m well rounded. All I have is vague guilt that I should be exercising, and vague guilt is easy to ignore for considerable stretches of time.

UPDATE: (in explanation of *)

* ALTHOUGH IT SHOULD BE.

Part Four tomorrow since Gay Panda has to get to 20,000 words today and is currently only at 17,229. GOGOGO!!!

Ahhh... Panda.
Thank you...
I needed some Panda today.

gay panda, if you don't get on that treadmill and walk at least 5 minutes i will find octomom's new movie and spam you the link to it every hour on the hour until you curl up into a ball of horrified tears

[QUOTE=bloodorchid;895954]gay panda, if you don't get on that treadmill and walk at least 5 minutes i will find octomom's new movie and spam you the link to it every hour on the hour until you curl up into a ball of horrified tears[/QUOTE]

:eek::eek:*gets on treadmill*:eek::eek:

This my 3rd 10 min today.... NO octomom!