That does make Gay Panda feel better, MetalBeth! I wish I could mail my neighbor Poo Hurler to the doctors who said my weight gain had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with antidepressants. Lady Friend has commented since I went primal that my moods are more even. The OCD continues unabated, but my particular obsessions/compulsions are simply so stupid and implausible that sometimes I can beat them. Hooray for uplifted spirits!
Germs. Quivering, Gay Panda reads in MDA that dirt has been declared safe. My OCD revolves around three matters. The first is that whenever I leave the house, I fear that I’ve forgotten a lit candle or left the stove on, or an outlet is starting to spark, which will lead to a fire that will burn down the house and kill the kitty and destroy my beloved laptop, which is slightly dearer to heart than the kitty.
The second is that I have forgotten to lock the door, and someone will break into the house and steal my laptop and prance about in my snazzy purple clogs on the hardwood floors, and do dastardly things to the kitty, who is simply so dumb that she would look up to a panty-hose masked stranger with a pipe wrench and think he was there to feed her bacon.
The third obsession is germs. Once a week, after checking the outlets and stove and making sure no candles have magically lit themselves, I turn the doorknob five times to make that it’s locked and get in my car to zoom past Poo Hurler’s house for Whole Foods. I am not one of those people who uses anti-bacterial wipes on their shopping carts. When I see people wiping down their carts, I assume they have OCD and I pity them for being at the mercy of their mental illness. I clamp down my hands on the dirty bar and stride past them into the store thankful that the doors are automatic.
When Lady Friend is feeling bitchy, she opens non-automatic doors for Gay Panda and then runs her hand down Gay Panda’s arm.
If you saw me in the store, you’d think I was normal. Really, I’m obsessing about swine flu. A ridiculous fear, but I smile tightly to Flirty Deli Lady and order as my hands become saturated with the germs hopping about the shopping cart bar. When I can take no more, I pull down my sleeves so that I do not have to touch the bar, and then I realize I have transferred swine flu to my clothes.
By the time I get home, I am crawling with imaginary swine flu, and I hear tiny oinks. I am desperate to strip out of my clothes and get to the sink to wash off the filth, and will let groceries melt on the counter while I decontaminate. I refuse to use anti-bacterial soap, since only people neurotic about germs use those, but regular. Yes, I am aware that this is insane. Yes, I’ll be doing this again today.
So in this way, I fail at primal. If you ever see a 5’9” blue-eyed blonde in snazzy purple clogs dithering by a door at an Ancestral Health Symposium or Paleo Convention, and since you are polite you open the door, you will be bewildered to receive gratitude far out of proportion to the favor, because Gay Panda has again successfully dodged an imaginary bullet, and has you to thank.
I say, if you find it manageable, don't worry about it. Perhaps with the mood improvements, you will be able to tackle the OCD tendencies? Time will tell!
I am also a sufferer of depression and anxiety. I am in the process of decreasing my dosage of Lexapro because I have once again decided that I do not want to be dependent on a pill, but this time, I feel like my head is in a good place to risk doing this. After nearly 2 months of probably adhering to primal eating at least 80% of the time, my moods seem a lot more stable. Even when I get very upset (angry or sad), it's easier to get out of the mood, or "brush it off" than it used to be.
I realized yesterday as I spoke all friendly-like with a co-worker that they don't hate me, in fact, they're quite nice and they seem to have a genuine care and interest for my well-being! It was only slightly painful to realize that *I* was the one with the social issues, not them.
That put a smile on my face, AND encouraged me to write something instead of lurk. LOL.
Oh happy day, a fellow neurotic! XFD at tiny oinks. I always have to decontaminate before I put the groceries away. Drives my husband nuts.
I would open every door for you, Gay Panda. xD
I highly recommend 5-HTP for anxiety and panic attacks. I had a sudden onset of this in a debilitating way with menopause - a couple hours after taking my first dose of 100mg, the underlying anxiety went away! I felt calm and able to cope with the slings and arrows of life again.
Gay Panda, you are a fantastic writer and I am really enjoying reading your posts, though I'm sad to hear you are struggling with OCD, anxiety, and hurled poo.
i'm also a germophobe, but it's lessened the last few years along with my ocd
my 'tiny oinks' are syphillis on other peoples hands :| that gem is from a sexual health course during a college class. it was terrible. i don't always wash my hands immediately after i walk in the door these days, but they still feel very dirty until i do
i'm just going to cut the dirt corner with probiotics, everything poos outside
Gay Panda just squealed in horror at the until-now unsuspected danger of syphilis on other people's hands. While my level of OCD hasn't changed with primal, it is thankfully lessening with age. As a cub I was tortured by it, as a young adult bothered by it, and as an adult only pestered by it. Because it is so utterly, totally, and completely dumb, I can find the funny in it a lot more often.
Hello, everyone! Neurotics unite!