In a way, yeah, I can see how it would be similar. I don't think it was anything like a chemical release that I was addicted to (caused by the act of cutting) and I think people with food addictions aren't necessarily addicted to the chemical response in their body (esp. w/ the consumption of sugary foods). It really can be "all in your head" in a completely psychological way. I also don't think that makes it any less of a legitimate problem (not saying you're saying that, just thinking aloud). I think a familiar action can be enough to cause addiction. This comes up on the forum sometimes with discussions of binge behavior. I wanted cutting to be a release, and so it was.
I think the kind of "ghost" of an impulse (what I felt last night) will always be there for me. I can't hold a single-edged razor without thinking about what I could do/have done with one. Maybe it will change over more time, but I'm fine knowing the impulse is there without feeling a real [I]need[/I] to act on it. At the height (or depth) of my depression & cutting behavior, I definitely saw it as a need, but as the years went by, I could see it as a "want", and then say, "I don't need it."
Welp, a nice day goes sour. Hulky will not drive me to work anymore, even if it's raining, I guess. I got another bill from my ER visit in April. Serves me right for trying to get answers from doctors. My toes aren't even fucking bothering me anymore.
I burst into tears promptly upon opening the bill and ate my last birthday cupcake (wisely defrosted it yesterday). I don't think I want to eat or exist tonight.
Hey, if he's not driving you to work, then you should sell his laptop with no guilt :D
We love you.
I know that ghost. I was never a cutter (couldn't take the rixk of someone seeing the marks), but I was a biter. It quiets over time, but doesn't go away.
That laptop is getting fucking sold. He has come to terms with it, I think. I'm just waiting to hear from my friend, who might know someone who needs a laptop. Anyone here need one and want to get on the waiting list? :-p Asking $300 (plus shipping), can PM specs & model info. It would come with a fresh install of Win7 Home Premium & Office 2010 Standard. It's a 13" screen so I don't think my mom would want to buy it for my brother (though it's much better than the laptop I put together for him a couple of years ago).
I think my Vitamin D levels are low. It's been raining all week and, today, I feel it. It's that gloomy feeling that makes me want to watch Halloween-y movies. I haven't been supplementing vit D with regularity for a while now.
I am feeling drained. Hulky ordered us comfort food last night. My favorite sushi place was randomly closed so we ordered from a new place. I got muushi chicken, but it didn't come with any hoysen sauce. It was okay, but a bit dry. I have more for lunch. I was actually hungry this morning, despite gas & bloat, but now it's gone.
Avocados make my hands ache. Damn PUFAs.
I don't know what's going on this weekend. The rain is going to continue, but Hulky wanted to work on the car. I will probably steal it tomorrow morning to get gloves to bleach my hair (just in case I do it this weekend) & drop off the laundry. If it doesn't rain, I'll bike up and move laundry. If it does, it'll just have to sit until the car is available. Right now, the prospect of doing anything is stressful.
I hope today goes quickly.
I am pretty certain right now that I have SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth). The fastest treatment option would be antibiotics, but I don't think my doctor will prescribe it unless I test positive on the breath test. It's too expensive for me to do again. Oil of oregano may help (possibly along with a low FODMAP diet). I'm waiting for the peppermint oil to arrive in my vitacost order tomorrow. Maybe I can try one other thing after my next paycheck.
-bloating & gas after any meal
-constipation (can't go w/o some of my supplements, not sure which ones)
-inflamed intestines (even when I don't feel "bloated", there is distention at lower abdomen)
-foul smelling stool when I do go
-Stool is either small & hard or large & soft (and a lot of it)
Maybe I should stop taking Threelac for now. I am not sure if it's worth going back to the doctor again. My symptoms are different now than before. I was pretty comfortable before aside from the not pooping, but now there's all this gas & bloating along with the not pooping.
maybe parasites. Sounds like all the symptoms for that too. I've been thinking about doing another cleanse cuz I haven't for many years!
Edit: I've used Para90 in the past - I think I will try that again. [URL="http://www.aim4health.com/para90.htm"]HERE[/URL]
Interesting. I found it on Amazon (ordering was confusing me through that site). It looks intense! It has a lot of the ingredients/supplements that are recommended for SIBO treatment anyway. I'll think about it.
I'm having some peppermint tea now and it really makes my stomach feel better. I hope the peppermint oil capsules help too! The user Ron_Swanson has made some posts & PMed me about a supplement-based SIBO treatment protocol. From all the reading I've done about digestive stuff in the past 9 months or so, I can see how each supplement fits in. I'll probably mix and match, but I have to wait until I can accumulate all of the pieces.
I don't want to bring up a touchy subject but... this 'I'm not driving you to work at all no matter what anymore' thing...
I just do not understand. :confused:
I don't know. I can't think of a way to argue this out effectively so I'm leaving it. He has no tolerance for rush hour traffic. He doesn't want to drive me to work on Wednesdays and Thursdays (his short days) or pick me up, even if it's raining (that is the only reason why we've been car-pooling, with major threats of thunderstorms lately).