Feeling positive this morning. I took L-Tyrosine after feeling kind of anxious this morning and nearly fighting with Hulky about stupid shit. After that and my chiropractic appointment (chiro was so psyched when we announced our engagement, he gave us a hug! pretty sure we're his favorite patients :-p), I feel much better, but I feel like doing stuff and can't think of anything!
I'm venturing out to Harvard Square on my own now, Hulky doesn't really like going (very touristy and lots of hipsters and punks, has a nostalgic factor for me, but not for him). Hopefully the Gap there will be having some undergarment sales, otherwise I'll just check out the prices on the spinner rings and do some window shopping. I might treat myself to something sugary from Starbucks. I don't have the guts to ask for something made with cream or half & half, which is silly, I know. Ordering stuff still gives me anxiety, especially changing the order.
I need to order more supplements. I'm going to run out of 5-HTP again soon enough (last time, bought it at Vitamin Shoppe, which means only 60 capsules per bottle instead of 120) and I'm still undecided on next gut-protocol experiment. Still leaning towards a complete month of colostrum supplementation.
Hey, there's an easy way to order with cream! Use the word breve, like "vanilla latte breve" or "chai breve." It means for them to use cream instead of milk.
I will definitely do that next time, thanks for the text :). I went to a local chain called Peet's, which has a much nicer coffee selection, better interior light (hate dimly lit restaurants/coffee shops), and less snarky baristas. I got a dutch cocoa blueberry hot chocolate with whole milk and it was GOOD. The blueberry was a really nice touch. I actually brought a Lactaid pill with me but forgot to take it, now a little gassy. My toes got a little itchy after so I either need to powder my shoes, or the sugar/lactose made the athelete's foot flare up. Gr.
I got 5 pairs of underwear for $20 and a nice cotton bra for $13.25 at the Gap. Felt guilty for spending that much, but my underwear is actually falling apart, so it was very much needed! Looking forward to washing them (maybe I'll do that at my parents' house tomorrow) and then wearing them. Hulky approved of the color choices, though I'm a little wary about moving away from black :). I also picked up some basic items that we were in need of at CVS, including bleach, so our shower liners are now soaking in the tub. Bonus: the tub gets cleaned too!
My budgeting failed this month because I forgot about a couple of things. Supplement ordering has to wait until after payday & when I'm sure I have enough for the first couple weeks of the month. I had to move some money from savings.
New underlings always make me feel better! :) Hubby hates to see me in ratty old stuff!
Yesterday was a downward spiral. Got increasingly irritated over everything and nothing. Feeling worse today. Trying really hard and Hulky has no patience for me so that doesn't help at all.
We got groceries at least. I just hate how accusatory he is when he asks me what's wrong. It's not just, "Is something wrong?" It is, "What's wrong with you?" Thanks, I feel even more wonderful now.
Right now, I feel like I'm the one putting the effort into making observations about how we communicate and he always falls back on blaming me, accusing me, and never using "I" statements. "You're no fun anymore" as opposed to "I feel like I'm doing something wrong when you reject intimacy". Just a guess with that one, he's never verbalized how it makes him feel if I don't feel like being physically intimate.
Sleep: Slept like shit. Kept getting awoken by my bloated gut & my mind being too active.
Food: Weekend recap is gluten-free pancakes w/ sausages on Saturday morning, Indian food on Saturday night (goat curry, rice, nann, a little bit of beer), some leftovers on Sunday (same as dinner), sweet potato, chicken, and broc for dinner. Then Hulky had an ice cream craving so I took a Lactaid and had 1/2 a pint of Chocolate Fudge Brownie. I bought more apples, oranges, bananas, and some sauerkraut to try. I had a little with dinner, it was okay. I guess I have had it before, I just didn't know what it was. I'll try to have a little everyday. Ingredients were just cabbage, water, and salt, so I'm hoping it's still all probiotic-ified (got it at Whole Foods).
Gut (TMI): I decided not to take the Senna tea Saturday night, after Hulky took me out for dinner on a whim. Increased bloating & general discomfort yesterday. I focused on getting in lots of Vitamin C (think I topped off around 10g) and also took a couple packs of Natural Calm that I got at Whole Foods (for a total of ~500mg Magnesium). Another packet this morning and 4g of Vitamin C before eggs, finally had a BM, but it was a bit hard. Tried not to strain. I forgot to bring my Vitamin C to work, but will take another 4-6g when I get home tonight. I guess I'm going back to just using Vit C for constipation, until I have the spare cash for more colostrum. It's so friggin' impractical and such a hassle to take more than 10g of Vitamin C every day! I feel like the helpfulness of the colostrum indicates issues with gut flora. I may try another candida protocol round of treatment at some point, with garlic, grapefruit seed extract, and oil of oregano in high doses.
Supplements: I can't remember right now how much 5-HTP I've been taking lately, but I think I'm going back up to 200mg. I took the second dose of 5-HTP kind of late last night so I wonder if that factored into my poor sleep. I keep forgetting to take my multi-vitamin. After messaging with Cryptocode a bit, I decided to pick up a bottle of potassium to see if that helps with the constipation. Each pill is 99mg, I took one yesterday and one today. If I don't experience nausea or irregular heartbeat, I may continue increasing the dose to see if it has an affect on bowel function. I haven't experienced dizziness, so perhaps I am not deficient, but I'm willing to try cheap solutions =\. 99mg is a very small amount of the RDA, so maybe I should go back to the gut doctor and get mag, potassium, and sodium tested. I feel like my daily diet is not very high in potassium. I wonder if I could get a prescription for a higher amount. I also picked up a decent looking detox tea (has fennel, licorice root, lots of digestive aid stuff, no senna) but forgot to bring it to work.
Uterus: Period seems to have ended. Marking mid-April on the calendar to see if that's when I get my regular period again. I've started Vitex yet again and am hoping it will help soon.
Body: At the chiropractor appointment on Saturday, he told us that while it's great we're doing push-ups, we need to work our backs more because our shoulders get pulled forward too easy. It's not helped by the fact that we both lean over keyboards all day. He prescribed us... squats! Nose and toes to wall, hold the squat past neutral (past legs level to the floor, but not resting). Holy crap, this is much harder than I expected. We both tip backwards right now, but it should get easier. I'm going to focus on holding as low as I can right now and hope to lower later on. Holding a kettlebell to try and counterbalance does not really help. I guess I will also start doing kettlebell swings again! Unfortunately, I must've slept weird Saturday night because on Sunday, my right shin hurt a lot and I can see that my right leg is twisted because when my feet are aligned, my right knee is turned inwards. Dammit. I'll probably go back to the chiro within the next couple of weeks if it doesn't get better on its own.
Baba: I spoke with her yesterday and she might be going to the hospital soon. She is on all kinds of meds now, with all kinds of side effects, and meds for the side effects. She's a mess and she told me that she feels worse than she ever has. I need to talk to my dad to see how bad it is. She wants us all to come up for her birthday, and when I told Hulky, he said it sounds like she thinks it might be her last one. We are going to do whatever we can to get up there for it, even though it's his birthday too and I'm not sure we'll technically have the money for that extra gas (whole trip ends up being at least $50, for tolls and gas, but that doesn't include getting food). At least she has new beds up there now! Some of those mattresses were over 30 yrs old and there were springs sticking out everywhere. There's now enough room to sleep 5 people upstairs, instead of 4 (a queen, full, and twin, replacing a full and 2 twins).
More Gut (TMI): Between Vit C, magnesium, and potassium, something was too much today and I've had diarrhea all day! Nothing that has left me stuck on the toilet at all, so that's kind of weird. Seems like things are moving at a normal pace, it's just not the right consistency. My intestines have been gurgling all day, too. I haven't been hydrating to make up for this, going to try and remedy that now.
I am not going to take any supplements other than 5-HTP and L-Glutamine tonight. I am going to try veerrrry hard not to have any ice cream tonight, but it's tough, with 4 pints in the fridge!
The ice cream could be the cause of the D. If I don't take a lactaid I get very cleaned out with dairy. And - lactose intolerance tend to worsen as you age, something to keep in mind for the future.
I did take Lactaid.
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Arrggghhh f you bank account! My balance is even lower than I expected and I have to steal from savings yet again. Just have to get to Friday :(.
Julia Ross, author of "The Mood Cure" and "The Diet Cure", has an interview up for the [URL="http://villagegreennetwork.com/healthy-life-summit/"]Healthy Life Summit[/URL] today. There's also one about candida overgrowth. If the site is working later (the links in my email aren't loading the interviews right now & they had technical difficulties yesterday), I will listen to both!
Today is laundry day. Blargh. At least I will have some cute new undies to wear! :)
I'm not handling stress well. I feel like I still haven't totally recovered from the debilitating PMS last week. I suspect this is largely due to my irregular diet. I have to talk to Hulky and make sure that I don't eat any wheat for the next couple of weeks (he can help me stay on track). The tricky part is balancing not being overly restrictive for my mental health with being strict enough to maintain physical health, if that makes sense. I brought my L-Tryptophan to work today, in case I need it, but I did take 200mg of 5-HTP last night. Still slept poorly.
Gut (TMI): I had diarrhea all day, a lot of gas, and lots of trips to the bathroom. I did my best to re-hydrate as much as possible. It finally stopped sometime in the evening. My poor butt.
I did end up eating ice cream again (cannot tell if the Lactaid helps or not), and all of my Lara bars because I was really hungry :( ), but my stomach kept gurgling for a while. I ate some sauerkraut with dinner (pork chop, green beans, sweet potato) and had a Threelac packet that I found in my laptop bag (must have put it in there about a month ago). I think I look bloated today. My stomach feels weird, like there's pressure, but not as much as I usually experience when I have a lot of gas or need to use the bathroom. Maybe it's just a little gas?
A friend from CT is driving up this weekend for a short visit. I am scared to cook for other people, and I will have just gotten paid, so I'll probably see if we can order out or go out to dinner. She'll stay the night and we can go out for breakfast too. I just need to make sure Hulky doesn't have any conflicting plans. We seem to only see each other about once a year and I last saw her in October when we went to Salem together, so this will be nice!
I am very frustrated with money right now. I feel guilty and like a failure for not saving well and for over-spending so much over the last month. I'm glad I had this little bit of savings to fall back on, but I'm basically using up my tax refund. Hulky ended up having to use some of his too because of missing work due to illness and such. Plus we've been ordering/eating out so much more lately, partially to deal with my stress. I feel really inadequate as a functional human being.