It doesn't matter what we do, just that you do not give up on yourself. Finding it in yourself that you truly believe you are worth the effort...that is the hardest part of the journey, in my opinion.
I canna sleep. Kitty is curled up at my feet. I feel pretty anxious. Head won't turn off. Don't know what to do. If I take anything now I'll bee to groggy to make lunch in the morning. Bah. Hulky is being loud in the other room and forgets to keep his voice down after I go in and ask him to hush up. I probably had to much booze today.
I think I got about 4 hrs of sleep last night. I know they say you should get out of bed if you can't sleep and find something else to do. I couldn't think of anything to do. I was too anxious/depressed/frustrated. There is no way I could've focused enough to read or watch anything.
Ultimately, I went in around 2AM and told Hulky he had to go to bed in order for me to sleep. Even when he wasn't being loud, when I had the earplugs in, I could still hear him. He passed out in our bed & I went and slept in the guest bed. Didn't take me long to fall asleep there.
Things I hate today
I took L-Tyrosine and L-Tryptophan this morning in the hopes that it would help perk my brain up a bit. So far, not feeling any better. I think I'm just going to have to tough it out.
I did not prepare a lunch, but I did eat breakfast (4 sausage links, 3 eggs scrambled minus the chunk I dropped on the floor).
Today is not a day for important discussions or decisions. Feeling irritated about everything.
-I didn't have a bagel when we waited in Dunkin Donuts for my mom to pick us up (after dropping the car off for service), even though I really wanted one.
-I didn't have any wheat this weekend.
-No pimples from the booze/OJ.
-I think we're settling in on June 28, 2014 for a wedding date. Hulky's mom requested that we not do Father's Day weekend, and we want to make sure there aren't any issues with kids being able to attend because of the end of school. Around here, school goes till at least mid-June (I guess other areas end in early June sometimes?). Exciting to have a real date in mind, but also scary.
Ah, silver linings, I was waiting on you to make an appearance!
I think I've made myself a promise that I have to come up with some silver linings for my life/the day when I'm feeling down or grumpy. It wouldn't have helped me last night, when I was fretting over ALL THE THINGS in my head and failing at falling asleep, but it's helpful to do it now.
When I am of a clearer mind, I think I am going to revisit apartment upkeep responsibilities with Hulky, now that he's sufficiently mobile. He should be making the beds, picking up clothes, and doing dishes, at least. We never came up with a good schedule for cleaning (kitchen, bathroom, floors), so that is something we should talk about too. None of that happens very often, and when it does get cleaned, it's me doing it. And I'm usually pissed about something.
I have jury duty Wednesday. I call tomorrow to find out if I'm supposed to go in (fingers crossed that I have to go!). Unless I stay for a trial, I'm sure it will be a short day, and then I can go home and chill :). I'm bringing either the last Wheel of Time book or the Offbeat Bride book with me. OBB is short and I'm already almost halfway through, so WoT would probably be a better choice. Last time I got called, I waited for 4-5 hours before they told us we could go home.
Tonight, I need to run some errands. I think the only thing I need right now is coconut oil and chicken thighs. Fae ate some pork chop last night, but wouldn't eat much this AM. I am really failing at getting her fresh meat right now so I want to buy some fresh chicken thighs and freeze them immediately instead of dealing with pre-frozen meat & not re-freezing quickly enough etc.
Oh and sweet potatoes.
Sooo.. I get an invite, right?
It would be really cool to meet you all for such a happy occasion, but I'm a big believer in individual meetings. My anxiety doesn't want to wish a party full of strangers on anyone :D
As much as I would want to meet you on such a happy day, my GAD would flip a lid in regards to knowing NO ONE else, so I'd probably tweak out and bow out anyways.
I'd show up and get drunk. Then forever after your family would be asking who invited the inebriated fellow with the flask.