I feel defeated this morning. I've been craving ice cream for weeks and we finally went out & got some. It was nice, watching TV with Hulky & nomming on ice cream. But I woke up this morning and just felt anxious and awful. My own fault.
I'm staying home & feeling guilty about it. My condition to myself is that I have to do some productive things today. I can pick up some avocados at the grocery store. A few cans of grain-free cat food or fish for the cat, in case of emergency.
I feel completely non-functional. I washed dishes this morning, used the neti pot, took my supplements, but I can't bring myself to eat. The trash pick-up has already gone by and it's a sheet of ice out there, otherwise I would've tossed the last half of the pint of ice cream (I kept it gluten-free, at least, with Ben & Jerry's Karamel Sutra).
I just need a day to wallow & take care of things and try to prep for the rest of the week. I can hard boil some eggs. I can cook up some pork. I can vacuum. I can put some baking soda on the older cat puke spots & vacuum that up later. I can start the laundry earlier.
Hulky might stay home with me today. He's off crutches now, but his foot is hurting really badly most of the time. From what the doctor said, it might always be that way. I don't like that option. I'm going to look into natural pain killers so he's not just downing Ibuprofen all the time.
The cat puked again this morning. I didn't think she'd eaten too quickly, but she must've. I'll feed her in small portions later today. At least it wasn't as chunky as before, and I got her off the carpet before she got most of it out. This time, it was on the computer room rug (also shag).
He got a big tax return and he's paying off his car?? Stories like this make me tear up. I love that guy. I love you Hulky.
Sorry you're feeling bad and your alien puked again. Rest it up real good today.
We're getting a nice tax refund too. We're paying off the last of Brad's business debt, setting the rest of the money aside to pay for my furlough (22 days), and then putting the rest on a credit card. Being responsible sucks b/c we could totally use that refund and a paid off car as a REALLY nice down payment on a new(er) car for me... or take a really super cool kick ass vacation... but responsibility wins out...
Yeah dude, putting that money towards our wedding?!?! That would've been great, but getting this car paid off sooner means we can set more money aside for the wedding anyway. It comes out to the same thing, except less interest paid :).
We went to the Boston Burger Company today. We've eye-balled it for years and it wasn't busy so we stopped in. I got a Vermonster, which had slice Granny Smith apples, maple syrup, sharp cheddar, and bacon. I also got sweet potato fries and brought most of those home after finishing most of the burger. The smell of the bread was a bit of a turn-off, but the whole thing tasted amazing. Hulky got a 420, which had some kind of cheese, mac & cheese, mozzarella sticks, bacon, and was supposed to have onion rings but he asked to get it without. He ate about half, and only had one of the bacon & cheese fries (huge slices of some kind of long potato). He's all set for dinner and I have plenty of fries to nibble on.
I don't think I'm prepared to do HFLC yet.
Oh, and I slept for about 3 more hours after I got up this morning. Hulky tucked me in after the first hour (after he'd gotten up) and made me get undressed and properly under the covers. At first, I'd just crept under the top comforter in my clothes to keep him company, but I fell asleep and had a number of very weird dreams.
OMG, the Vermonster sounds good!
You know, y'all have a lot of shag carpet for a house with a cat . . .
They're just two area rugs (not sure of the dimensions). We vacuum once a week or two. Her hair usually ends up all over our clothes or her preferred sleeping spot (usually a blanket) anyway.
If we could afford different rugs, I might buy them, but I like having all that softness under my toes in the bedrooms :).
I felt better yesterday, but then I went and ate more ice cream last night. I could've gone to sleep without it, but I was hungry. Realized that the burger meal, while large, was the only thing I'd eaten all day. Motivation to take care of myself today is very, very low. Unfortunately, taking care of myself is the only way I'm going to recover.
I started feeling much better after my first dose of 5-HTP last night, so I took a Tryptophan this morning to see if I can boost my serotonin a bit earlier, without falling asleep at work.
I have enough money left over to buy some avocados on my lunch break. I'm not sure if I'm even going to eat breakfast this morning. Feeling pretty worthless & broken.
[QUOTE=namelesswonder;1093895]Feeling pretty worthless & broken.[/QUOTE]
:( hugs Nameless.
Worthless and broken, my ass. You are human and tired of fighting for what should innately be yours. THat does not make you worthless. Tired, frustrated, and sick of the bullshit, I'll accept, but you aren't worthless. You aren't broken either. Your body may have no earthly idea on how to take a good shit or even what it likes day to day, but your spirit is not broken because you are still fighting.
Ahhh, naidknight, the wise and all-knowing. Tell me: will I be able to save enough for the wedding we are dreaming of? ;)
Yeah, that's spot on, though.
The silver linings for the day:
-I have reached this point before. It took me a lot longer this time. I haven't taken a mental health day off from work since at least early December. That's very good, for me. (I can't use my floating holiday for unplanned days off, but at least I've started the year off pretty well for saving up PTO.)
-The toe infection is STILL not healed and in fact feels a little worse (itchiness has returned) for the past 2 days. I blame sugar. I'm not surprised. Going "back to normal" should help it go away, along with continuing the silver ointment. So, I have some information, at least, if not answers.
-The cat did not puke again last night or before I left today. I think she ate too fast yesterday morning. I think I am having trouble with the chicken neck/back meat I'm getting from Whole Foods. It seems to go bad very quickly so by the time it's defrosted so I can portion it out, it isn't good when it defrosts again for a meal. I might have to go back to chicken thighs, or just hacking up quarters & saving the bones for broth. I might try giving her some pork tonight.
I'm not ready to go low carb. If I can't feed myself enough on a regular basis, I should not make any major changes. Moar fat is something I can worth on with my regular moderate-carb diet.
I have the makings for a mug or two of KE tea (two bags being one serving, and I can use them twice), plus one Tazo Calm. I didn't use the neti pot this morning so I think I will brew some tea to clear up the old sinuses soon.