One person, who hasn't been posting at all this year, said they'd take over if I wanted to close it. I wasn't comfortable with that. Other people said they would like if it stayed open, just so they would know it was there, but seemed understanding. The only mod (a friend of mine, we met through the group) said she'd take over if I wanted her to, but she's not going to do anything more with it. I kind of feel like it has stagnated. The posts this year have just been people popping in every few months to say hi and that's it. I think any potential new members are probably using sites like tumblr or established message boards. I don't have the energy to do anything with the group aside from check it periodically, and I barely do that. I don't want to take on more responsibility and I'm barely doing anything with the responsibility I have now.
Mostly, it's an opportunity for me to claim closure. For once, I can say, "I'm done with this," and walk away from something entirely. I've spent a long time waiting to be able to let go of things, and now I can actually DELETE something and it will be really final. I skimmed through about half of the messages posted today, reading things that I'd sent that weren't just replies to other people. I got to see myself evolve. There were things I wrote about that I'd forgotten. I'm ready to let go of it all, but I just don't feel like I can do that unless the group is gone entirely. It's selfish, and I know it might be unfair to the other people in the group, but a good decision does not have to be an easy one.
I think you've done the right thing to close it. You weighed all the variables and made the best choice. I'm proud of you for seeking closure on that chapter of your life! That shows both maturity and the knowledge that its okay to think about self-care, rather than feel responsible for others. The ones who wish to continue in a group can find their way to another one.
Hugs and high fives, girlie! :)
As for the mood and body troubles............... its the bad food choices - hands down. Get back to eating healthy for a couple weeks and all those things will go away.
Thanks for the explanation. I also think you're making a wise choice.
Thanks, ladies. Tomi, after reading your message last night, I threw out the rest of the flourless chocolate cake (my mom gave me half because she didn't want to eat it all), though I'd already had a few slices a couple hours before. Boyfriend had brought most of the cookies to work yesterday so all that's left to tempt me are the last two gingerbread cookies.
Sleep: I couldn't shut off my brain last night. I think it was the anxiety. I don't think I slept well between 11PM and 1AM. Boyfriend went to bed around then, but called across the hall to ask if I would come sleep with him. I think he was feeling lonely/down. I came over and after I told him in no uncertain terms that I would have to sleep in the other room if there was any "funny business" (yes, I am super grouchy when you wake me up in the middle of the night), we fell asleep. I snoozed the alarm till 7 again this morning. I was very uncoordinated when I first woke up, a sure sign of restless sleep.
Food: Warm applesauce & almond butter after work. If I'd warmed the almond butter, this would've worked better, but as it was, I basically coated chunks of almond butter in applesauce and nibbled at it. Not as tasty as regular apples with almond butter, but still good. Then I had some of the flourless chocolate cake. Then I felt sick for the rest of the night. I baked the frozen bacon wrapped scallops (Trader Joe's) and ate half of those. Boyfriend liked them too, so I think I'll keep some in the freezer from now on, for quick snacks or lazy nights. My appetite kicked in around 9:30PM, but it was too late to eat by then. This morning, I had scrambled eggs and a bowl of applesauce. I also cooked up two pork chops for our lunches. My hair smells like burnt meat, which is making me feel kind of queasy. I always cook in my pajamas now so I don't go to work smelling like bacon or burnt things, but it sticks to my hair anyway.
Mood: I was feeling kind of low, but reflective, yesterday. Today, I feel better. My cycle is not really predictable, according to the last two, but I should be PMSing right now. Of course, that is when I would think of adjusting supplements! Haha. Oh well, I'm going to continue with the 3 Vitex & 4 5-HTP (each reduced by 1 capsule). I think sleep & food will count for a lot.
Body: I wore my new heels to work two days ago and my hip straightened out a lot! I think it was from the exercise of walking on the balls of my feet and keeping them turned properly so I could walk without falling over, for 8 hours. It probably helps that I'm pretty well practiced at walking toe-first now. I'm in my Minnetonka moccasins today and my hip/leg feels much more in line. Doing the stretches that the chiropractor gave me, I find that my right side bounces back much quicker after a day or two off, and it's actually comparable with the left, if not looser. My right foot still feels tense, like I can't lay everything flat the way I can with the left. I've been doing some squats & push-ups for the past couple of days, but not logging on Fitocracy. Dropping down and doing 8 assisted push-ups is really not much, but I can see a difference. Eventually, that number will increase, and I'll be all svelte and sexy (well, sexier).
Supplements: A site I've referred to in the past for help with candida issues also has[URL="http://www.healingnaturallybybee.com/articles/dig5.php"] information on using Hydrochloric Acid for digestive problems[/URL]. I'm going to try taking the HCL after meals, as suggested on the site. I took the first one this morning and brought some to work so I can take more after lunch. That site also suggests drinking with a meal to ensure there's enough liquid to help food pass out of the stomach. Most other information I've found has said this will dilute my stomach acid. I used to always drink with meals, so I think I will go back to that. I'm low on Inositol so I'm placing an order for that, a B-complex, and more drop-form Vitamin D on Vitacost. I don't think I need anything else right now. I'm tempted to get another natural antibiotic supplement, but I don't want to waste my money. As it is, I'll get free shipping since I'm over $25 of Vitacost brand supplements.
Weekend: 0 plans. Okay, not true. I'll do some laundry (including at least one new set of sheets <3 <3 <3) at my parents' house & work on Boyfriend's jar again (gotta make a simpler robot stencil). I am looking forward to going back to work on Monday and then having a day off! I think I'm going to dress up a little and wear heels for New Year's Eve.
I cook all my bacon on Sunday night, put it in a storage container and take from it each morning (or dole it out into individual containers if I have enough containers cleaned). This keeps me from smelling like bacon b/c it only takes about 15 -25 seconds in the microwave to warm it up (makes my office smell tasty, though!!).
I need to place a vitacost order too.
I haven't been making bacon much lately. I haven't renewed my membership at BJ's Wholesale yet. I think I will do that after my first paycheck in January. Applegate's uncured bacon is $6.99 unless I get it at BJ's, then it's $9.99 for a 3-pack. But this morning, I slice up some pork chops and cooked those up. The large cast iron is still screwy from time to time and had some residue from chicken in it (from a couple nights ago) so it got a little smokey and got in my hair. I should give it a good scrub with salt soon.
I get the farmland uncured for $5.49 (12 oz package). We don't have applegate where we shop. Costco might have it, but I haven't been in there yet (it's a new store for our area).
I don't think Farmland is a brand out here. Kinda makes sense; it even sounds like a mid-west thing :). Trader Joe's has some uncured bacon for a little cheaper, I think. Maybe $4.99.
Ugh, I've got awful heartburn right now. I took an HCL capsule about 30 minutes after eating lunch (pork & broccoli), about 20 minutes ago. The weird thing is it didn't bother me after breakfast, but at that time, I waited about an hour before taking it. I will try it an hour after dinner tonight. If it bothers me again, I won't mess with it anymore. If it doesn't, I'll try it again tomorrow, an hour after each meal. I suppose it's possible I could use a lower dose, regardless. These capsules have 750mg in them. Whatever, we'll see. Experimenting at home is probably wise so I can take a bit of baking soda in case of heartburn.
Boyfriend's t-shirt is arriving today. No way am I waiting to give it to him! He said some of my gifts are on their way :). He told me "the big gift" would have to wait, which I'm guessing is a ring. I might just ask him to clarify on that so I don't stress about it at all. Because I do that.
Boyfriend asked if I wanted to see a movie this weekend. It's a toss-up between Django Unchained and Jack Reacher, both of which are playing at a semi-local theater that's a little cheaper than the big cinema chains. It's actually right next to a really tasty burger joint/brewery, so maybe we'll get some food before a movie.
And I just made plans to see Les Miserables with my fairy godfather at the local theater at 1PM tomorrow ($6 tickets, woot!).
Looking forward to hearing about this "big" gift! :) :) :) :)
If I remember correctly, PBPM recommended taking it before a meal and to back off if your belly feels hot/warm. Each time you take it, you're supposed to increase the dose until you feel that warmth, then back off one dose size. I don't have my kindle with me today so I can't look it up for you.