OH! forgot to mention... all this talk of chicken soup has me craving it. :)
Re: hypoglycemia. I haven't had another episode since those two last week. Surprising, maybe, given all the sugar I probably ate this weekend. Not as much as I would have in the past, but still, more than a few cookies every day. I enjoyed every single bite. It probably was/is related to the digestive issues though.
There are still cookies in the house. A few gingerbread (Boyfriend doesn't like them that much), some snickerdoodle (though they've been left out so they might be too dry now), and a bunch of moist and delicious chocolate chip cookies. Most went over to Boyfriend's family's house for Christmas Day dessert, but the cookie jar is still full. I'm not sure how I'm going to tackle this. I'm thinking I'll take one out this evening to eat after dinner, but no later than 8PM. I had a cookie kind of late last night (9:30? maybe?) and it didn't sit well with me. I'm basically just trying not to worry about it, which probably means I need to stop THINKING about it, and just eat as I please. I've been doing fine.
I'm going to suffer from dairy-related problems tonight, because I am making mashed potatoes and using real milk & butter. It will be ENTIRELY worth it.
My TMI issues other than gut have not returned with the increased sugar consumption, so for that, I am grateful.
Sleep: Boyfriend worked 12 hrs yesterday. I felt kind of anxious so I stayed up until he got home (11) and then a little longer to read, until he caught me with the light on and took my book. He's sleeping in the computer room because he tosses and turns even more with the air-cast on. I feel more lonely, since I only see him for a little while in the evening, when he's completely wiped out from work, or when he's asleep in the AM (and now I don't get to wake up next to him). I slept well, anyway.
I need to set a time limit for my Batman: Arkham Asylum GOTY playing in the evening. I think I had too much screen time last night. I really do want to watch White Christmas while it's on Netflix Instant View.
Mood: A bit low today. Could be the atrocious weather (it's all rain and wind here, but apparently there's snow just a bit farther west). Could be supplements. Could be not enough sleep.
Supplements: Sticking with 3 capsules of Vitex (2 in AM, 1 in PM). Tried knocking down to 200mg of 5-HTP last night. Will try for a few more nights. I hope the mood today is not from lowering the 5-HTP, or if it is, it's resolved by not eating cookies. I remembered to take the HCL before breakfast this morning.
Food: Yeah, I ate cookies. I got home, was hungry, had 3 or 4 (one of each type, I think). I nibbled on the peppermint bark my sister made, as well. The cookies are all away now and the bark is in the cupboard, so I think I am less likely to eat those things. That's what I usually say. I can only wait and see. I had some warm applesauce last night and this morning (thinking I might do that for the next few days to see how that helps my cookie avoidance and overall increased carb intake). The mashed potatoes I made were gooooood and it was nice to have some fresh veggies with dinner (steam green beans, still with a bit of snap, with salt & ghee on mine). Boyfriend said it was really good :o. I did not prep a lunch today, which I'm sure is a mistake. If I'm feeling adventurous, maybe I will go grab an apple, some bananas, and some canned fish at the grocery store for lunch. I need to get groceries tonight. At least eggs, since there's only one left. I can stock up on meat tomorrow night, when my coupons are good. I'm on the fence about eating rice again, think I need to get back on the no-cookie wagon before I mess with that. It seems like my 1 tsp of Vitamin C is less effective right now, probably due to my dietary digressions.
What should I do with the rest of the milk? I still have most of a 1/2 gallon of local, whole, pasteurized & homogenized milk. Maybe there's something I can make for Boyfriend (that will keep), or for tomorrow night's movie night.
Body: Had some pretty intense aches in my hand this morning. I've taken to massaging my hand when I'm nervous because it's achy so frequently. Feeling weak/tired. My feet feel swollen and itchy. I have fresh acne on my chin. Too many factors to sort out why. The only way I'm going to be able to fix it is if I eat properly.
Sounds like you and I are in the same boat. Too many holiday goodies, not enough Paleo good eats. Skin and body is showing the signs for me too. Mood is low, ambition is low, motivation is tanked. I just want to go back to sleep. I'm tired.
Why is it so hard to get back on track??
I'm not awake enough to figure it out today, but this is definitely something I want to think more on. At the start of the weekend, I felt in control. Every bite was relished and I didn't over-do it. Actually, I don't think it was really till after Christmas that all the sweets felt like a temptation. Over the weekend, I knew I could eat them whenever I wanted because I was giving myself a free pass, and it was easy to take it slow. Now it's back to business, and apparently I don't like feeling that restriction, despite all the awful side effects if I push against it. I need to find a way to feel freer with my food everyday. I know gluten-free treats aren't any better in terms of how I respond to them mentally, so substitutes aren't going to work.
I think some of it comes back to the same basic issue: not being prepared. I got home and was hungry, so I ate cookies because they were easy. I could've nuked a sweet potato. Next week, I think I'll try pre-cooking a bunch of sweet potatoes so I have some mashed up in the fridge that I can take from as needed for lunches or after-work snacks. Maybe I'll also cook up some rice and get some coconut milk so I can make rice pudding. I don't really want apples right now (though I am enjoying my applesauce), so I want to try a different fruit, so I'm not just stocking up on bananas. I have enough coconut flour left that I could make & freeze some coconut pancakes (though I need to get extra eggs to account for that).
I also need to pick a "scratch" (as in, not just basic frozen meat & veg stuff) meal for over the weekend/ next week. I will spend some time browsing my cook books to see if I can make something new, otherwise, I think I'm feeling like having sweet curry.
[url=http://namelessw0nder.blogspot.com/2012/12/christmas-aint-over-yet.html]Nameless Wonders: Christmas ain't over yet![/url]
I think I'm going to make pudding with the leftover milk. If our friend comes over for a movie tomorrow night, they can eat it. Otherwise, it's getting tossed, because Boyfriend didn't actually need it for cookies (I only needed a little for frosting). If I had a yogurt maker, I'd make yogurt and give it to my family. It's too cold try without one now.
The most basic recipes I found called for 2.5-3 cups of milk, and several tablespoons to 1/4 cup of arrowroot powder. I'm not sure I have that much, so we'll just have to see. I know I'm going to want some. I'm gonna use some of the chocolate chips we bought for cookies to make it chocolate.
I think I might use my $25 Amazon gift card to get moccasin making supplies. Maybe. It would probably be a better deal to just get what I need in a local store (awl, needles, pliers, waxed thread). I could pre-order the last Wheel of Time book, but I think I want something that I can *use*.
I sent the official group closure message to my self-injury support group today. I included some links for other groups that are active & some active forums/support sites that I found. February 1st, I'll disable posting. March 1st, I'll delete the group.
Excuse me for asking, but why have you chosen to close it instead of handing it off to someone else to run?
One person, who hasn't been posting at all this year, said they'd take over if I wanted to close it. I wasn't comfortable with that. Other people said they would like if it stayed open, just so they would know it was there, but seemed understanding. The only mod (a friend of mine, we met through the group) said she'd take over if I wanted her to, but she's not going to do anything more with it. I kind of feel like it has stagnated. The posts this year have just been people popping in every few months to say hi and that's it. I think any potential new members are probably using sites like tumblr or established message boards. I don't have the energy to do anything with the group aside from check it periodically, and I barely do that. I don't want to take on more responsibility and I'm barely doing anything with the responsibility I have now.
Mostly, it's an opportunity for me to claim closure. For once, I can say, "I'm done with this," and walk away from something entirely. I've spent a long time waiting to be able to let go of things, and now I can actually DELETE something and it will be really final. I skimmed through about half of the messages posted today, reading things that I'd sent that weren't just replies to other people. I got to see myself evolve. There were things I wrote about that I'd forgotten. I'm ready to let go of it all, but I just don't feel like I can do that unless the group is gone entirely. It's selfish, and I know it might be unfair to the other people in the group, but a good decision does not have to be an easy one.