If what you're looking for is true closure to a time in your life that you no longer have the need to revisit - then I say let the other active members know the site will be closing on a set date - and let them make arrangements to stay in contact however they see fit. You're not bound to this group for the rest of your life, everything has a purpose and a season, and maybe both are over this group. If keeping the site open and relinquishing control will not allow you the full closure that you need - then that is not the best option for you. Anyone of them if fully able to set up a new group or start a new blog or website.
I say - let it go and move forward with your life. :) And fwiw............ I'm very proud of you for knowing its time to stop looking back, and face forward! :) Good job!
Look! Yet another blog post! I prepped this one yesterday.
[url=http://namelessw0nder.blogspot.com/2012/12/2012year-in-review.html]Nameless Wonders: 2012–year in review[/url]
Thanks for the input, all. I'm still mulling it over and will probably hash it out in therapy tomorrow. Boyfriend said, "If you need to be done with it, close the group," with the options I told him. I feel really responsible for the other girls/women in my group and need to come to terms the fact that I am [I]not[/I] responsible for their actions/choices/behavior/emotional well-being. I'm still hoping to close it on the 9th anniversary in January. That's less than a month so I want to get a decision out by this weekend. I've just closed membership so no one new can join, though no one new has joined since July anyway (and they never posted).
Sleep: I mostly laid about yesterday. I was in bed by 10:30PM, but could not fall asleep for a while. My brain was too active. I had to use a lot of tricks to get myself to relax & fall asleep, but it wasn't restful. Boyfriend came to bed sometime around 2AM and I felt suddenly wide awake. We went to sleep in the other bedroom because his back was hurting and I slept well after that (well, after I took some Ibuprofen for a raging headache). I hit the snooze for 30 min this morning, but got to work on time.
Food: I had sauteed pork & broc for lunch yesterday, a bunch of chocolate chips again (not as much as before, but there's not much left in the bag now), a clementine or two, and then chili with sweet potato. I nuked the sweet potato and dumped the chili over it (I think it would have been a tastier combo if the chili had been spicy-hot instead of just spicy). Boyfriend said it was weird without beans, but he liked it (he ate his with rice cooked in chicken stock). I used ground beef (Trader Joe's grass-fed) and beef stew chunks (cut up to roughly 1" cubes). I was pretty stuffed after dinner, probably mostly because the sweet potato was so huge, but it felt good to be full. I ended up forgoing breakfast this morning and am going to start on my first cup of ginger tea in a minute.
Body: I'm still kind of idly working in bodyweight exercises here and there. I've done my stretches every day for the past few days. In terms of feeling sick, my head felt so bad last night (pain and pressure) that I felt nauseous and dizzy and was even considering going to the doctor today, but I woke up feeling better. I used the neti pot yesterday and got a nose bleed immediately after. I used it again this morning and I feel like it made the pain in my head come back. Maybe it was just coincidence. I'm feeling overall less run down today than I did for the past few days, but I'm sure I'll be exhausted later. I've also had mild heart burn for the past few days. I wonder if it's too much citric acid (clementines, tomatoes, and all that vitamin C).
Supplements: I took 250mg of 5-HTP last night. TMI: Taking 3 capsules 2x daily of oil of oregano and pau d'arco makes me poop more, but not any easier (Vitamin C dose is still 2g). I'm going to keep up this dosage of the anti-fungals until I run out, then see if I still need them to keep the YI at bay. It's probably time to change them up, if I continue to use them, but I really feel like a longer course of antibiotics will have a longer lasting effect. I feel like a traitor for wanting antibiotics!
Mood/brain: Despite feeling kind of low this week, I seem to be pulling myself through it all okay. When I was feeling my worst yesterday, I ended up writing here about the Yahoo group. I hadn't even been thinking about it much at the time, but it was something for my brain to work on, and I felt better after. Nice that I can give my brain "mood projects" to sort out and make me feel better. I'm not sure what I want to do about the 5-HTP dose right now. I'll focus on physical wellness for now.
In other news, I sewed a patch onto the Sgt. Pepper jacket I'm giving my brother for Christmas. I want to stencil or embroider at least one more thing on it before I give it to him (I already have an octopus embroidered on the cuff). I have 3 full quart-size jars of applesauce (and one 12 oz) to gift and need to figure out who is getting them. Where does one get blank holiday cards? Walgreens didn't have any. I also need stamps.
How much Magnesium do you take? I use natural calm powder and take 200 mg in a cup of tea at night. Their suggested dose is almost 400mg, but it causes Diarrhea for me. May help you though.
PS any more information that you and your Mom come up with (ie. names, dates, places) may clear up the confusion in the Ancestry search. Like I said, I will copy the most likely info and send it to you. Grandma's maiden name, and birthplace would be helpful too.
P, there's 215mg magnesium in every serving of Vit C I take (2g). So I get ~960mg every day (since the doses are every 4 hrs) on top of a total of ~8g of Vitamin C. I'm thinking of maybe switching to Natural Calm and just taking it at night, or trying that for a day or two, instead of the Vitamin C. It's expensive and a hassle to keep buying the Vitamin C. At least I'm at the recommended serving size for the container now, so it is good for a couple weeks longer per container (51 servings per bottle).
I'll let you know what I find out from my mom.
Mag in pill form has little effect on me. The NC powder seems different in some way. Absorbs better?
-Boyfriend is going to audit a course for free next Spring to make up for a failed one. It's a literature course so I may be able to help him with some of the work :). I put the start date on my work calendar so I can remind him the week before to show up! He'll still be able to work at this temp job while taking that course, since it meets mornings Tues & Thurs, and he doesn't need to be at work till noon (though he'll have to find time to do the work and write papers somewhere in between working, sleeping, and eating). He's working out the rest of his required course work already for next Fall. Glad to hear him thinking ahead & not dreading it (just one year left!). Unfortunately, he forgot to formally take a leave of absence for this semester & next through administration. Hopefully that will not be an issue. He has to make up a missed freshman seminar course next Fall. It'll be awkward (funny, from my perspective) being nearly 25 years old in a class of 17 and 18-year-olds.
-I'm going to buy us Hobbit tickets for Saturday night. 3 hr film :eek:! I think we're going with a friend, but I need to find out if he's interested first (and can pay me back). I'd rather see the 2D digital version. 3D gives me a headache and just doesn't look that good to me.
-I looked in the mirror yesterday and thought, "Shit, I'm getting too skinny!" My clothes are fitting as they normally do so I'm very confused. I look lean, but not bony. Maybe it's all in my head? My body shape is changing in other ways recently and I think it's due to the Vitex. Not complaining there.
-I don't know what to make for us and our friend for dinner tomorrow night. If I get more ground beef and spaghetti squash, I could make spaghetti sauce with the tomatoes from the friend's mom. I have more mason jars than I know what to do with right now!
-I'm doing well with budgeting this month. I think this will help make up for last month's overspending. I should be able to afford a nice gift for my bro next month, since I have no other ideas for DIY stuff for him. I could always get him some cool ties and a sweater, I suppose. I think my haircut is the only non-food/non-essential thing I've bought so far. Car stuff parts count as essential.
-Boyfriend is working the day of my work's holiday party so we're not going to go (next month). I'm fine with this, as I don't fancy stressing about being social with co-workers after hours on a Friday. He said he'll make it up to me, though. :)
Great news on boyfriend getting back to his education! Worst case scenario regarding his absence - he may be required to reapply to the school.
Spaghetti sounds nummers!
Do you get paid monthly? I'm not sure we would be able to do monthly paychecks... Oy!
Good Job on budgeting. I am turning over a new leaf in that dept.
Worst case scenario is not bad at all, since he's Yellow Ribbon program. They love veterans at his school.
I hope I can find a spaghetti squash that's not tiny. I know they aren't in season. I supposed I could peel a zucchini, but I'm much too lazy for that. I don't feel like having rice pasta and I'm still sticking to Whole30 rules despite my chocolate chip episodes.
No, bi-weekly paycheck. I just think in terms of the whole month, for the most part. Once I get my first paycheck of the month, I feel like I can plan out the rest of my spending, based on how much I've spent so far and regular payments I make.
Accountable expenses (~60% of monthly income, which is usually the same amount because I use PTO to make up for sick days)
-Electric (roughly the same every month)
-Insurance (car & apartment)
Usual expenses (~23-37*%, closer to lower amount without *)
-Groceries (this can vary between $200 and $400 depending on how much "extra" stuff I get)
-Supplements (has been up to $100/mo, but less recently)
-Other utilities (gas for car, often at least once per month, up to $40)
-*phone (my mom is giving me a few months off because I've been struggling with $$ lately, $75)
-*car payments for Boyfriend (didn't pay him last month, won't pay him this month, need to save enough for oil, probably won't pay him while he's working this temp job/during the Winter months)
-gifts/splurging/out with friends
-Cat food/litter ($20/40 per month, depending on what I need to re-stock on)
So, without the phone and car payments to Boyfriend, I have a nice little bit left over every month. Including those, I have basically nothing. I think I'm going to talk to my therapist about cutting back on appointments soon to every other week. I feel like I'm doing really well and frankly, I need the money! Ultimately, freeing up the money on supplements will make random fun things more feasible. I'm hoping to free up some money to spend on doctors so I won't need as many supplements soon. Sometimes you have to invest a little to save later though =\. I can reign in the grocery spending pretty easily, but I'm trying to make cooking a little more fun for me by getting more fresh food and variety, as well as "treats" like coconut milk. I heated up some coconut milk with a splash of maple syrup and a dash of nutmeg the other night...diVINE. Okay, I guess I'm not really Whole30 with that splash of sweetener here and there, but whatever. I'm doing well for my body.
As much as it might seem like I think too much about this, I really don't. Since I stopped actively tracking (like every damn day) last month, I just kind of have this info in my head for reference and that helps me keep to the budget.