My mood is taking a turn for the worse. I'm concerned because it seems out of the blue. My joints are also starting to hurt more. I wonder why this always seems to happen later in the day. I am keeping up with my Vitamin D supplements, but maybe I should increase them for a little while to see if it helps.
I'm worrying about money right now. I vastly overspent this month. I'm not even calculating my expenses because it's just going to make me more upset. Boyfriend just asked me to pick some stuff up for him to make a tuna casserole for his lunches. He said he'd pay me back. I feel guilty because I'm the one who overspent. I'm going to have about $300 accessible between the end of this week (rent is due) and the 7th (next payday). I haven't had a balance that low in many months, not since much earlier this year, I think, or maybe even last year.
Now is not the time to think about spending more for quality meats :( Back to eating super simply, no treats for me. Not even coconut milk.
Tonight, I'll get Boyfriend his groceries. I'll get sweet potatoes too (which means probably Trader Joe's so I can get organic at a reasonable price). I'll make myself a hot chocolate with the last of my coconut milk (screw the Whole30, I'm using maple syrup, though just a couple teaspoons). I'll figure out dinner and try to end the day feeling full. I'll read a book. I'll try to keep busy.
Take a deep breath and know that stress causes inflammation and mood sensitivity. For me it does!
I had to give up high quality meats or rather the dream of only buying from a local farm. Oh well, there are worse things!
I told Boyfriend that I'm feeling down and having joint pain and he offered to give me a massage later. He's given me a couple lately and it's been a really nice way to connect with him before I go to bed, even if we don't have time to talk much after he gets home from work. Made me so happy to read his text that I'm nearly crying! Ugh, maybe it's just hormones. If it is, it's new for me to get this down just a couple days before my period. For the past few months, it's been a week-long ordeal. Maybe that's what the anxiety was. Here's hoping it picks up in the next couple of days.
If you need me, I can talk via text.
I wouldn't worry too much about the friend. She may actually have a form of social anxiety herself. I know I tend to get anxious when I know I'm meeting someone, even an old friend. Keep reaching out to her in the ways that don't make you hyperventilate and if she doesn't respond, the ball's in her court.
(I'm also really bad about getting together unless you can corral me and nail down a time. It pretty much takes "Wanna do lunch on [x day]?" for it to process.That may be the way she is.)
Stress causes inflammation, inflammation causes stress, and round robin it goes. Take Boyfriend up on his offer and try not to overly worry about funds. (I know, pot, meet kettle.) Stay cheap, but don't freak.
+1 to the coffee date offer with specific available dates. I am still smiling about ours.
I know it doesn't change how you feel about yourself, but I think you are beautiful inside and out. (And I have met you in person)
You have my cell too if talking to an older woman would help. I too have phone anxiety (stupid asperger's syndrome) so we can stutter and have awkward silences with each other. Or just text.
Thinking of you and wishing I could do more.
You guys rule. I love my MDA support network. I was so hyper-emotional last night that seeing your comments made me tear up. It's nice getting the warm-and-fuzzies, but I'd really rather have a calmer response!
I retreated in on myself last night. Didn't do much. Read, for the most part (finished a book that arrived earlier this month, started on the one that arrived yesterday [Dresden Files]). Didn't eat much, mostly walnut halves and an apple. Boyfriend took me out to buy his groceries and he made me eat some leftover chicken he'd cooked up for lunches. I don't know if it was that or the overall bad feelings, but I didn't fall asleep until he joined me sometime after midnight. Then I woke up way too early, mostly due to the damn cat rustling around. She doesn't jump onto the bed, she [I]climbs[/I] it and it always wakes me up, having her claw at the side of the bed. I wish I could train her out of that, but I have no idea how. She used to jump up, but I think she finds climbing easier.
TMI: The itching is still coming and going. I'm fed up with it. Did my body adjust to the oil of oregano and pau d'arco in just a couple of weeks? I'm eating WELL dammit! No sugar in several days! I hate to spend more money right now, or miss work for an appointment, even if it's for a doctor, but I think I need to. The sooner I get all this on the mend, the sooner I'll feel better all around!
Food: Breakfast this morning was unsweetened pumpkin mug cake (coconut flour adds enough sweet flavor for me) and 3 eggs over easy. My small cast iron pan is doing so well, but I need to re-season the bottom because there are some rust marks. They wipe off, but probably shouldn't be developing in the first place. The large pan is still just generally shitty. I'm getting to the point where I think I'll scrub/clean the crap out of it again and try re-seasoning. I know opinions vary widely on what oil/fat to use. If I had lard, I'd use that. I wonder if grocery store lard would be good for it, since it's hydrogenated (unstable fats are supposedly the best?). I wonder if the sugar in the bacon grease is what messed it up. Anyway, lunch today is boring old canned sardines (in olive oil). Dinner will be chicken & broc. I will be cooking it in the skin, but removing it before eating because it makes my joints hurt. I might cook a few batches so I have some ready to go with breakfast or for more substantial lunches.
Exercise: Shoulder is better. Joints are better. I should get back on some bodyweight exercises. I still want abs! I'm still really surprised at the visible muscle mass I seem to have retained despite not working out regularly for a while now. Thanks, good food!
Supplements: I forgot to bring my Vitamin C to work. I now have enough measuring spoons and containers of buffered Vitamin C powder that I can leave some at work. I hope this doesn't mess up my elimination "cycle" too badly by missing my mid-day dose.
Mood/brain: I felt hyper-emotional this morning, but after handling a remote virus infection (tricky! couldn't get to any sites that would allow me to help the user, but we figured it out and it's running one final scan now), I feel a bit calmer. This set me back on setting up a new Windows 7 image for a local user, however, so I feel kind of bad about that. I don't know if this guy doesn't like me or it's just the way he speaks/emotes, but I am not looking forward to telling him I'm not done and don't have an ETA (stuck waiting for updates to finish installing). Boyfriend said that if I have another bad-brain day, I should text him and he'll take breaks to talk to me or text me while he's at work. <3
It's nosebleed season and I am prone to them. I have had a few over the past week (once while out with my dad, but fortunately he always has a handkerchief with him...and he has a lot, because I ruined that one), including just now. I need to swipe some toilet paper from the bathroom here at work, or bring in some tissues, so I'm not running around with my nose in the air or pinching my nose while I dash to the restroom. I will see if there's a way to arrange a bowl of water on the radiator in our bedroom to humidify the air overnight. I don't have the money to spend on a real humidifier and I hate how the vapor gets the floor wet. Once I'm at least one day clear without any nosebleeds, I'll start using the Neti Pot in the morning, too (I don't want to use it while something is still healing, in case it reopens a wound). If I use it consistently, I'm hoping it will help keep things clear and help with allergies. I've never used it for more than a few days in a row, I think.
I want to read that book!
Hopefully sooner than later - but we'll see I guess. There are plenty of other books to read in the meantime!
I finally got the motivation to finish the other book I was reading because I told myself I could not read two books at once (done it before, the plots got mixed around in my head). I enjoyed the other book, just didn't think I felt like reading (that was WRONG).
My joints started hurting within the past hour. Haven't tested knees, but my hands are bugging me. I had the sardines for lunch. Maybe I should try something PUFA-free for lunch to see if it's PUFA in general, and not omega-6, that's being problematic for me right now.
Boyfriend suggested last night that we make a Friday dinner & movie thing with our friend (the one Boyfriend is working/carpooling with, Boyfriend's best friend of 14 yrs, practically a brother). Boyfriend said I should pick the food since my diet ruled out any of their ideas. Sigh. I don't like having that kind of pressure on me. The only idea I have right now is roasted veggies, potatoes (sweet for me), and some kind of meat. Chicken is always good, I guess. Breading it would be nice, but I don't know if the coconut flour would taste too sweet and my gluten-free crumbs are rice based. I'll need to go get fresh broc and potatoes for roasting, but we have turkey breast, thighs, and quarters.