Haha yeap, but my family has given me a lot of practice at bottling up, and in this case, that's very good!
I am mentally checking out today and feeling a bit better for it. I don't have to be 100% all the time and today I'm definitely not. That's fine. It's a process. I think that's my mantra.
I could not get to sleep last night. I think I got about 3 hours in. I was happy to convince Boyfriend to go to sleep around 3 AM. He had joined me around midnight, was worrying and couldn't sleep so he left. I gave up around 2:15 and read for a while. I didn't set an alarm for him today, he should wake up at a not too late hour.
I shouldn't read things like The Hunger Games trilogy when I'm upset, makes me more upset, but the second book was good. I'm trying to pace myself, but there's a good chance I'll wolf down the last book before I leave work today. Nothing is going on and I don't have the energy or brain power to do anything. I feel guilty being here, because I could be sleeping and potentially starting to feel better at home, but I'm sucking up the company's money doing nothing instead. Boyfriend had an interview at Home Depot, but afterwards they told him they interviewed him for a sales position, when he applied for and went in under the impression it was for stocking. He got a call-back and isn't going to go because of their deception.
Lack of sleep means lack of appetite. No breakfast and remembered as I was leaving about lunch, but didn't bring it. Also forgot to defrost food for tonight, but a bath in warm water should get the chicken defrosted within an hour or two. And just this time last week I was feeling so poorly and thought maybe it was because I wasn't eating enough, but I still feel somewhat ill and I've kind of given up figuring it out. Maybe it's one of the supplements.
I need answers. I get overwhelmed by the lack of answers for the problems in my life, sometimes, and right now, I cannot handle it. Thoughts of self harm briefly crossed my mind last night, but thinking about how beautiful my tattoo is somehow stopped me. I foresee a depressing and helpless feeling therapy session this Friday. Definitely something to talk about anyway.
I have not emailed my dad yet, since I'm still so out of sorts.
I hate funky days. I hope it passes soon for you. (ps. I have nothing to do either and I'm soaking up company funds reading MDA. Might crack my textbook or go to my online class and dink around a bit).
Jenn, how can you not enjoy the bran muffin thread???
[QUOTE=justyouraveragecavemen;839565]Jenn, how can you not enjoy the bran muffin thread???[/QUOTE]
it has improved.
who has time to read other threads??? I have so many journals I try to keep up with that my head spins! I don't have TIME for the "new threads" out there. lol
But since you piqued my interest, I'm going to go look around for it. :)
I gave up on page 18 the other day, feels like way too much effort to catch up now and it was the same thing over and over for a while, I found myself glossing over.
I finished the Hunger Games trilogy. I enjoyed them and wonder how Hollywood will manage to depict the other novels as they're much less "easy" to dumb down. I did not find the romantic resolution fulfilling, the way it panned out. I like a good romance now and then, what can I say (I read some Nora Roberts in high school, made me feel better when I was pretty depressed, especially the supernatural ones).
Don't bother with the bran muffin thread - it'll just make you want to smack somebody! The asshat on there is busy calling J3nn a fat ass because she's lost 90lbs and still isn't at goal and OMG, eats a treat now and then. Get a life dude! In real life he probably hides behind his Mommy to keep the bullies away - some people on the internet are such dumb shits!
Wow that bran muffin thread went all sorts of wrong, didn't it... geesh.
You must read fast! It took me longer to read the 2nd one than the others. I was thinking the effects in 3 would be harder to make possible on video than anything else. But I haven't seen the movie either, so I can't say as to whether or not books 2 and 3 will be possible to make into movies.
Is Hunger Games still in theaters? Wondering how long it'll be before it's on PPV.
I read way too fast. I was able to get all of The Hunger Games in pretty easily, its a pretty easy read in terms of structure (though maybe not content, not for me anyway). Other things, I forget most of what I've read because I go through it too fast. Always a problem for me with school especially if I don't understand what I'm reading. Part of it is the Executive Functioning Disorder.
[url=http://namelessw0nder.blogspot.com/2012/05/tattoo-processowl-eagle.html]Ramblings, Ravings and Rants.: Tattoo process–Owl & Eagle[/url]
If anyone is interested, this is about my experience with getting tattooed, from working out the art to the actual process. I need to get a daylight photo of my babies so you can see how the color has "settled". I love the whole autumnal water color feel to it, but I really want something brighter/more colorful next! I have this idea for a bloomed rose, maybe just past its bloom (when the petals are a little too widely spread), with dew drops on it and a honey bee on it or approaching, another little homage to my grandfather. He kept bees when I was growing up, so the raw local honey I've been eating in the morning (which does seem to help my allergies) gives me some nice nostalgic moments.
My brain is back online to at least 80% today. I'd say it's at 90% on a good day, so this is pretty good considering how low I was yesterday. I got to bed by 9 PM, took a bit to fall asleep, was too hot, had to pee, had to put in the ear plugs to ignore the kitty scratching at the door etc. I forgot to set my alarm again after messing with it yesterday so I actually would not have had an alarm today and woke up at 15 min after it usually goes off (which is 7:30). I don't think I want to risk that happening again, though I think I could wake up consistently without an alarm anyway. It felt pretty good! I really need more breakfast protein, I'm very happy with being able to scramble my eggs on the cast iron now (finally figured out how/it seems to have seasoned itself at last), but I think some Applegate snausages would not go amiss. I don't think I need to worry about yeast content so much now, bowels seem in order, and those at least are a pretty good brand.
I still feel a bit "off" in terms of overall health, but after last night's wonderful rest, I feel like I am starting to mend. Maybe I'm just optimistic. That's rare! Last night, Boyfriend's mom took us out for Mexican and I had rice and beans, but no ill effects today :) It was a great load off my mind to not have to do dinner last night, plus his mom is an awesome lady. Boyfriend was reminded to give her the last of his surgery bills, since they have $$ for it (flexible spending account sent them checks yadda yadda yadda it's a small load off his mind at least). Today he has the car for laundry, dropping off an application, picking up others if available, but he is still applying to other places for security gigs. We need a paycheck before July, dear gods, please let him find a job soon. Today I am trying hard to push away the panic that threatens to rise when I think about this. I don't know what we will do if we can't pay rent in July, or when we should warn our land lady if things are looking grim.
You know what I REALLY dislike about this area? Even if we found a studio apartment (which would be significantly cheaper, so much that I could pay for rent entirely for a little while) in a good area, with enough parking spots, that would allow a cat, so few of them will allow two people! I hear about couples that will get a studio apartment to save money for weddings and such and that just does not seem possible around here. Really maddening. I am trying to branch out a little, but we need to stay within scooter distance of my work at least (for the next year, after that Boyfriend goes back to school and we need to be close to the trains again), so that limits things a lot. Otherwise, I'd take the hit in commute time, making it an hour + to get to work and we'd move a bit farther west or north where it's much cheaper.
I owe my aunt a CD of wedding photos, but I need to go through more of them to convert from RAW to JPEG so she can work with them. The RAW files take up 5 GB and I can't spare the cash to get her a flash drive to sent it all, but I do have CDs! I just don't feel motivated in the least to finish converting the photos and I feel pretty guilty about that. Once that's done, I need to send it to her, which means taking the time to go to the post office. I am not motivated to go out for anything beyond groceries in the evening though, even if it's on the way.