The Primal Prattle

Good luck and keep at it! I've only been doing this three weeks and I'm totally sold! Bacon is delish, but there's more yummy things out there too. Like steaks and sausages (if you can find them without sugar) and lamb. Mmmmmmmmm, lamb.

Thanks RitaRose, ShannonCC! Day four and I´m still here. I know this works because, umm, I´ve done it before. My challenge is sticking with it for the long haul. Usually something happens, say a trip to San Francisco, and I give in to temptation and don´t stop until I´ve gained back all the weight I had lost and a little bit more. Thinking that maybe journaling this time will help. Give myself some public accountability.

Weighed in at 206.8 tosmorning so that´s progress. Menudo for lunch out on the town. Discovered yesterday that I can blend whole apple, pear, and nopales together with ice water in my blendtec. Tasty.

Weighed in today at 205.6 so I´m losing about a pound a day. Pretty standard for the first week I think. Today I´m planning a sushi meal. Here´s the thing though--I´m not thinking of it as a cheat. Since it´s not a cheat I can´t do my usual thing...so know, "I´ve already blown my diet so I might as well have a beer and that cheesecake." Instead I´m going to think of it as a slightly higher carb day a la the recommendations of the perfect health diet people. I´ll eat this one meal and then nothing else for the rest of the day. Weigh myself in the morning and see what happened.

Ah, I can see things changing already!

Thanks RitaRose! Am feeling very motivated so far. Turns out I gained a pound from my sushi adventure yesterday so not something I´m going to want to do on a daily basis. If I can have the occasional serving of rice or potatoes and still lose three or more pounds a week though, well, I´m going to call that good.

Today I´m attempting one of my favorite mexican dishes--chile rellenos. Usually the chiles are dredged in flour so that the egg mixture will stick but I´m going to see if I can´t smash walnuts into a powder and get the same effect. Will report back tomorrow.

Day seven morning weight: 205.4

Flourless chile relleno experiement yesterday--delicious. Something I´d like to make on perhaps a weekly basis. I remember when I first made chile rellenos. Took me forever and I thought it impossibily difficult. Now it doesn´t seem like a big deal. Not sure whether the crushed walnuts I used to make the egg stick worked or not but I liked the flavor they added and there was enough egg mixture.

Partner commented yesterday that I´m losing a lot of weight, and I feel like it too.

Weight at end of first week: 205.6...lost 6 pounds.

Attempted chile rellenos again today. Successfully whipped up the egg white mixture by hand but let the chiles burn too much so that they tore when I tried to peel them. My partner Jose says they had a good flavor though.

Weight: 205.0 ...my weight loss seems to have stalled slightly but I´m still hitting a new low so I´m feeling ok about it.

Last night I was in a real bad mood and really wanted the sweet breads Jose was eating. But I said no, and I´m glad I did. Today I ate chicken a la veracruzana in a restaurant. Think it was primal but didn´t ask to many questions about the sauce. Avoided the potatoes. Dinner tonight will be scrambled eggs with chorizo.

[I]sigh[/I]

Wish I could eat chorizo but I can't. Chorizo and eggs is the bomb - I'm jealous!

Last night I blew off my diet for a bowl of honey ice cream, an experience at once delicious and disheartening. I really thought that this time I’d march toward the new thin me in gloriously uninterrupted style. I’d sail through low-carb meal after low-carb meal with unwavering resolve, mercilessly crushing my cravings. I’d be a dieting machine, making all decisions strictly in accordance with my written plan, totally indifferent to the emotional pull of forbidden foods. Opps.

I blame my feeling nature for bungling things up. The slightest stirring of anxiety and I’m thrown off-kilter. My inner bully just won’t stop battering my inner child, and eventually it gets to the point where something simply must be done about it–something that usually involves a trip to the refrigerator.

I always imagine I’ll be happy when I’m buff and beautiful, when (surprise!) it turns out that happiness must come first. Trying to diet depressed is like driving drunk: CRASH!

So now what. I’m languishing here at starbucks with a pounding honey ice-cream hangover, horrorstruck by bleak visions of my future fatness. Am I destined to morph into an ugly old man: haggard, hefty, unloved?

Of course I’ll try again. I always do. Failure is fast forgotten, a mere blip along the way. I’ll rush headlong into another ill-conceived plan, tragically underestimating the power of emotion to jerk me off-course, believing once again that this time I’ll be some sort of mutant paleo superstar.

What if instead I pause here a moment to contemplete the nature of last night’s caloric calamity. Can I approach myself with less contempt, and more curiosity? Let me linger here a spell in this strange place, this no-man’s-land between strict compliance to the rules and the crazed breaking of them. I have much to learn.