An individual who has an over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intellegence, behaving ridiculously in front of colleagues with no sense of how moronic she appears.[/QUOTE]
You know, Caveman, thanks - seriously. I really didn't know how to respond to that in the moment. You ever get that thing from time to time where your thought fuses just blow and the brain shuts down and you couldn't say much to save your life? That was me.
In the end, maybe this was all passive-aggressive and stuff from me, but what I did was calmly tell her I would "discuss" it with my daughter (severe speech-language disability among others, so, yeah, right). Then I proceeded to take special-kid out of contact with EVERYBODY at Family Week because I was BEYOND pissed. What you don't know is her own sisters where being biiiiiiii-witches that week as well and that was the cherry on top of a week of Special-Kid-Ruins-Everything, which she certainly didn't or couldn't do as her multiple disabilities preclude her from most of what was going on for fun at a state park in the hills with a lake... mostly she is my baby until she developmentally grow up more (which is happening).
As for my own nuclear family unit, when I was out having one-on-one fun with special-kid, because they all didn't want her around, I couldn't cook for them at the campsite, or deal with their injuries, or solve their girly little fights for them, or even watch over them so hubby had to do it and not just sleep, or take cook's rotation at the whole-family lunches and dinners the grandparents requested... it didn't take long before my SO and the progeny decided to straighten up. I didn't even yell or anything - I just wasn't there. And special-kid and I went casting bobbers with weights (no hooks) with a little Dora starter fishing rod we extra left the park to purchase, ate a big-ass steak we bought while out (she has a restricted diet, but BEEF is allowed, and since this was her "diet food" she didn't have to share, heh heh), and generally made wonderful memories between the two of us...
Dunno' if you are a closet therapist, but this was truly cathartic! Ahhhhhhh. :)
Sometimes it is good to get confirmation that it wasn't you being the ass.
well it certainly wasn't you who was being the ass in your situation. what a nightmare! i understand total strangers not adapting to special needs, but family is different.
Dunno' if you are a closet therapist, but this was truly cathartic! Ahhhhhhh. :)
Sometimes it is good to get confirmation that it wasn't you being the ass.[/QUOTE]
What I do in that closet is none of your.. oh, wait, no I think I get it because my sister is autistic. She's 38, the diagnosis back then was something real nice like "mentally retarded", but through a bit of research I would say definitely autistic of even way up the charts of Asperger's. So, yeah, I get the social awkwardness that comes with jackasses that don't know how to act.
My mother is still trying to rebuild the relationship between Sister #2 (Cassie) and me. Mind you, there are a lot of reasons Cassie and I never saw eye to eye. Oh, I protected her and all that jazz, but I had my fair share of tormenting her too.
Cassie has ADHD and stopped maturing, mentally and emotionally, around the age of princesses and unicorns and prince charming. I don't know if it's a developmental issue, or if it was a way of protecting herself. Even my parents admit that it's probably a REALLY bad idea for her to live on her own or raise spawn, even though that's what she really wants when she gets out of jail for a crime she didn't commit. Anyways, she and I haven't seen eye to eye since I was around 7. I accidentally broke her wrist when she was 10 or so, which didn't help. Last time we "talked" (fought) she still held that grudge. She also held/ holds a grudge against my youngest sister and me for getting along so much better with each other than her (youngest sister could've been a clone of myself, of course we got along well.) I know she had to go through anger management classes while in prison, and she had to do at least a little growing up to realize that she needed to gt divorced from Scumbag and follow through with it. I know she was talking about going back to college when she gets out. I'm just leery about rebuilding that bridge AGAIN after she's torched it so many times. She may have finally grown up some, I haven't talked to her at length (without a fistfight or catfight) in nearly 15 years (she lived with my grandmother during her high school years.) I don't know. In all honesty, knowing Cassie, it may be a way to try and get into my good graces so she can live with me when she gets out. She's smarter and craftier than she lets on and than most people give her credit for. I think half her "problems" were an act so that the world would either cater to her or ignore her (she's proven my theory correct time and again.)
She also reminds me a lot of my grandmother: manipulative, harpy-like, redneck and proud of it, drama queen, and must be the center of attention. I'm not sure I want that in my life again. As crude as it sounds, I was happy when my grandmother died so I didn't hafta deal with er and her drama anymore (well, that and she wasn't in pain anymore.) I've cut so much drama out of my life and cut so much extra baggage that, even for blood ties, I'm not sure I'm willing to reintroduce one. I know that sounds cruel and mean and self serving. I really don't care. I'm happy with her out of my life.
I dunno. I want mom to butt the hell out, but I can understand her reasoning. We're sisters, we should act like it, yadayadabullshit. I've wanted this bridge repaired for a while, but maybe Cassie can build the damn thing on her own, like I did all those times she torched it. I'm tired of being the whipping girl for the sake of a bridge that may never be.
ugh naiad, sounds like a toxic, manipulative situation. your mom probably is aware of your sister's wily ways and sees you as a solution to her other daughter's problems thinking that "this time, it will be different." i think if a person has burned her bridges time and time again but is claiming "this time it will be different" the burden is on her to prove it through actions over time. breaking a person's wrist is kind of a big deal, but adults really shouldn't be held responsible for their actions as kids, especially if their parents were emotionally absent.
just remember, people like that will take advantage of you for as long as you let them, all the while trying to convince you that they deserve whatever they expect of you.
I dunno. I want mom to butt the hell out, but I can understand her reasoning. We're sisters, we should act like it, yadayadabullshit.[/QUOTE]
OOOhhh. Same thing with my dad. He is a piece of work. My mom is starting to get kamikaze about contact opportunities (like just showing up unannounced) between us because I just don't care anymore. I am not Jesus, and he has reached the number of bridges you are allowed to torch with me. (Lots, but even Dense here will give up after a while.) I finally gave up on him because I was getting the permanent crazies, and I can't be well for my own family with him around.
Would you try reading "Emotional Vampires" by Albert Bernstein (PhD clinical psychologist)? It deals with personality disorders. It is not a special-needs book per se, but I can't shake the feeling that you would feel much better after reading it. I have been through two readings of it and will finally add it to my personal permanent collection shortly. There is much in there that seems to describe sis......
I know the terminology and the description via a shrink years ago. That's what she is, which is why I'm happy with her out of my life. The only reason I'm considering it is A) she may've actually grown up a little in jail (and pigs may've flown) and the more prominent reason B ) is that I finally got my relationship with my mother upgraded from where it was (not pleasant) to delicate, but tractable. That's also the main reason I'm laying it on Cassie's shoulders: it satisfies mom and keeps that delicate flower alive, but I'm also not putting myself in a position to get burned again (yet.)
Some people are just diodes.
Stuff only flows one way for them.
They manipulate to get the input that they want, and release unpleasant leftovers onto you.
End of story, and best avoided. ;)
[QUOTE=Saoirse;877403]just remember, people like that will take advantage of you for as long as you let them, all the while trying to convince you that they deserve whatever they expect of you.[/QUOTE]
You SO hit the nail on the head that I am going to go out to the garage, grab a piece of wood and wood-burn that sentence into it to make a plaque thingy. And then hang that sucker somewhere where I get regular doses of viewing of it.
I love you guys and gals today!
She's more like a slinky: inert until pressed, unlikely to do as told, but great fun to push down the stairs unless mom's nearby.