[QUOTE=RMS123;1094080]Paula, why should you feel like you are failing the EMF group? To me, it's encouraging to see people lead a journey that isn't perfect. Sometimes I get depressed reading Mark's Friday success stories. I swear to heavens everyone there gets to their goal in a matter of a few short months. Which, by the way, I totally celebrate...but, it's not me and I can't relate as well. I'm sometimes not sure I'll [I]ever[/I] to get my goal weight. So, reading honest journeys of ups and downs, and coming back from the downs, there's a lot there and that's NOT a failure.[/QUOTE]
Thank you RMS, couldn't have said it better myself.
Beating yourself up over it, won't help at all (aaah if only I could take my own advice) people like us that deal with various forms of eating disorders, disordered eating, etc have a whole lot more to battle than just eating right and losing weight. A lot of it falls into a mental game as well.
Lets look at the positives:
You have decided to take on a healthier lifestyle
You've figured out how to eat healthy
You've figured out how to reduce your binge circles
You've gained quite a bit of self esteem and empowerment.
You still weigh less than from when you started.
(I'm sure you can add more)
It sounds to me like you are winning :)
And remember, you have to heal the inside before you can heal the outside :)
[QUOTE=Pebbles67;1094087]2 binges and one permissive eating day, but I'm right in the middle of it, so I can't tell how many more there will be. Yes, it is better and I could live with three binges a month, except that I will make no weightloss progress that way.
Here is the truth of the last two months so that you all understand why I downplay my January weight loss. I started EMF in early December at about 242. I was down to 235 on xmas eve. 8 Day holiday binge fest. Jan 1st 247.5 lbs. Got down to 233.
Jan. 12-15 binge, back up to 242. Clean until Feb 10. Got down to 228.8. Today 234.
It seems like a hopeless situation for weightloss, but at least I eat healthier most days of the month.[/QUOTE]
Paula, maybe instead of focusing on the up side numbers you should be looking at the down side numbers, yes they are up and down but there is still a downward trend right? Maybe you need to graph your weights (especially if you are weighing daily) on graph paper that has very tiny squares. It will makes the fluctuations seem smaller and still show your downward trend. Cause isn't even 234 lower than you were all of last year?
Thanks for all the cheerleading. I didn't mean to start something, again. (Geez, this journal must read like "Uh Oh!, Paula's is having a binge cycle again, Crap! Paula's husband is being an asshat again, Hurray! Paula is feeling sexy again and posting innappropriate shit...:p)
I am just beginning to accept that this is the way it is. Just accepting, Not trying to be negative and I will continue to fight the good fight.
NB, Thanks for the positives. Yes, things are certainly better than in 2010, but still not good enough for optimal health as I am facing a parental history of cancer, stroke/aneurysm, heart disease, diabetes etc plus my own clotting disorder.
Chris, 230 was my average wt for last year. High 248 Low 213.
We just love you and want to make sure you are bombarded by care & affection just in case you need it :).
[QUOTE=demuralist;1094173]well, rats, nevermind[/QUOTE]
However, there is a downward trend right now, as long as this binge doesn't last much longer.
my loss was totally flatlined the last year and a half, it may not be since I started EMF, but one thing for sure EMF has been the best I have ever felt while watching what I was eating/dieting. I firmly believe that every thing we go through has a survival reason, that our bodies know what they need, and I think if you had gone straight to your goal weight doing Primal without going through the trials of the past months, you would not have gone through the learning process that will permanently end uncontrolled binging for you.
Hi Paula, I am realigning my diet after a binge fest last week. I went up 10-11, down 5 in 2 days of somewhat clean eating. As a binger, who yo-yos on the scale, I have realized I may binge eat off an on for the rest of my life. That I have to practice EXTREME self care in order to not head back into sugar addiction, bingeland. And that I am gaining one thing I never had before, MINDFULNESS. At least I know when I am binging, that I need to realign with my spirit, that I need to experiment to figure out what is going on with my mind that is leading to this.
I know we will learn more about coping and ourselves, it may take a while to get our weights down, but we will have battled many a demon and can meet them head on.
I don't know about you, but something about this area of weight around 225-230 is creating a barrier for me. I am going for a check in with my therapist this afternoon and may do some digging into my feelings around this weight. I sabotage every time I almost get under 220, and also again at around 205. I need to spend some time with it.
I know you'll figure it out. Until then, eat some shit that you love. ;)
I came home and practiced my guitar for 30 min. More on that tomorrow.
I'm off to the gym for cardio kick.
I did some more permissive eating this afternoon, but I just had dinner and am stopping for the day. Back on tomorrow.
I asked the hubs to avoid buying candy for V day. I got him a present that he requested...Maybe I'll tell you all about it tomorrow. Or maybe not.