At about 9:30 this morning, Bill decided he couldn't safely get to his school for class. He looked at me and said "Wanna Take a Nap?" (wink, wink) My thought, "You have got to be kidding."
I realized that as usual, he had no clue as to the depth of my upset over last night. To him, it all ended fine.
Instead of fooling around, we talked. I expressed my fear that his perception of the last 10 years is different then mine and that I am afraid his bad opinion of me from that time will never go away. Then I defended myself by reminding him again of all the things I did right and I acknowledged that he saved my Mom's life and things would have been different without him. I said that I should not have been the editor on his story because it upset me.
We went through last night step by step. I told him that It scared me when I heard him yelling at our 15 yr old and then growling at him menacingly as he had him in a headlock. I said that I wasn't sure I was even welcome to go last night. Then, even though we had a nice time, telling me how to behave, not introducing me and leaving me alone made me feel unwanted.
He told me that he apologized to Michael last night and that he felt terrible about it. He said he was sorry about the issues at the party and that I should know by now that he often forgets to introduce people and it is just bad manners. He had hoped that saving me from the table and whisking me off to the dance floor was romantic enough to make up for it. (It was romantic.)
He pointed out that he has fears and triggers that cause him to do things like remind me of the past, but that I also hold onto hang ups from the past. (True.)
Finally, I told him that I know the past 10 years have been hard on him too, but that he has changed from a forceful man to an angry man and he needs to do something about it. I told him that I felt like a hypocrite saying it, but that I thought things would get better if he improved his health. He agreed and told me what he was working on.
At that moment our 8 yr old knocked on the door and insisted upon watching a movie with us in our room. We both drifted off to sleep with our precious little man snuggled between us.
At one point, He asked if I was happy or wanted someone else. I answered that I was mostly happy, but I wanted us both to be happy. I have no plans to leave this marriage and neither does he, so we just have to hammer it out.
[QUOTE=Pebbles67;1091243]Instead of fooling around, we talked. [/QUOTE]
I'm glad you talked and got on the same page about these issues. Communication is vital, and sadly the last thing people do when they're upset. I often remind myself that I can't keep being mad at Brad for something if he doesn't know what he did wrong. Tell him is the first step to "getting over it". I hope this helps you and Bill get on a better path.
P, I am relieved to read all of that. Thinking back on all the positive posts you've made about your husband, I was hoping you might have a chat like this. A marriage is work, I'm learning, but it can be worth it! :) Thank you for sharing with us. I hope you are feeling better (sounds like it).
Hulky and I often end up having similar discussions where we both say, "Ah, yeah, I know better, but I forgot." I get hung up on past things, he forgets about some of my concerns, we both forget to communicate our concerns.
Glad you too had the heart to heart. Hopefully this will help mend the bridge and make it stronger.
To answer everyone's age questions, it is not on his resume, but the applications for employment have a birth date space. The choice is to put in the true date or lie. He has applied for many jobs, but never gotten an interview.
There is no nursing shortage in the Northeast right now. In fact NY is trying to make it harder to become an RN. You would need a Bachelor's degree instead of an AS.
[QUOTE=Pebbles67;1091256]There is no nursing shortage in the Northeast right now. [/QUOTE]
I've found the nursing shortage to be a lot like the teacher shortage. There is a huge one on paper. "We need 1 teacher per 18 kids. OMG there is a huge shortage!" In reality they hire one teacher per 35 kids/class. Nursing seems to be the same - we need 1 nurse per X patients but will only hire 1 nurse per 2X patients.
Depends on where ya are.... I married a nurse.... who ,now, runs an ER (a level 1 trauma center) and she is always talking about her attrition. Some nurses can't deal with the stress in a place like an ER, others are more ambitious an chose to leave to improve their career, others do stupid crap and get canned.
Does hublet have any certifications to his name? The ones that immediatey come to mind are CEN, CCRN, and there are others but I'm not sure how they would work in an ER setting. Those kinds of things look terrific on a resume. You can get study guides at most major bookstores to prep for the test.
Yes he has some certs and is working on others.
The bad thing is that he is a really good nurse with a cool head under pressure but around here ER's want at least 1 year of floor experience.
How do you get experience without a job? crazy rules!
Pebbles, I am glad you talked it out. Thank you for always being supportive in my journal. Marriage and talking things through is sooo hard. I usually have major anxiety before and then do it wrong. It will all come together, I just know it.