My husband is not a Christian and I am not currently acting like one, so a minister is out. I don't think my husband has any idea of the depth of my pain right now. He thinks things are OK I guess, though we did have a talk a couple of weeks ago.
The thing that irks me most is that I have never blamed him for things that I could lay at his feet mostly because I know that we are responsible for our own actions.
When I met my husband, I was a healthy 170lbs. I had been to an eating disorders program and had dealt with my crap and improved my self image. Honestly his perfectionism, impatience and criticism had worn me down to nothing again by the time he hit nursing school. Hence the reason I was 280 lbs and miserable. I ate to spite him or because it was something under my control and I still do, but now my motivation is more about surviving my health issues and being healthy for my kids.
It would be ridiculous for me to blame him for my being fat as much as it is stupid for him to blame me for his dreams not working out as he wanted.
1) I don't really worry about what you guys will post. It is my very open post that I worry my husband will read. I needed to vent, but in the end, I don't want to hurt his feelings. I may just excise parts of it, I hate deleting what I have written.
2) I will never force the bread issue in my household. I may try to make some fermented breads to see if they like them, but that is all. We have made changes to gluten free cereals for example, but that was a family decision after taste testing.
I understand where you come from with your marital issues. This has been a lot of the issues that I've had with my husband over the years. I've had to get to the point where I only care for me and me only and let him worry about himself. He has to want to change.
Re: the bread issue, I just wouldn't buy it, not a matter of not allowing it, if he wants it he can buy it. I have cut back a lot on making things like bread and pizza and pasta, but I still do make them. On the other hand no one in my family is having AFib because of it either. If that was the case I would stop and let them pick them up on their own. I know the grains aren't primal, but in this case I lean towards Michael Polan (sp?) and look to the things my grandmother would have served.
Well, the afib gluten connection is only my conjecture. I am the main shopper, but until I have a viable replacement, I am not going to refuse to buy bread. I would be fighting with 4 people, not just my husband.
[QUOTE=Pebbles67;998014]Well, the afib gluten connection is only my conjecture. I am the main shopper, but until I have a viable replacement, I am not going to refuse to buy bread. I would be fighting with 4 people, not just my husband.[/QUOTE]
That's where I am. I am the minority in the house so I purchase the stuff that is bad for me(and probably for them) and they consume it. If I forced them to go primal/paleo, it would be WWIII and I want everyone to get along. As long as I allow them to have what they want, and I eat what I eat, we do well together. Really, the only meal that I have any control over is dinner and they know this and deal well with it.
I think everybody goes through bad spells. I think my wife and I are in one right now, but neither wants to say anything. This one seems to be longer than other spells, though.
I know part of it is my fault.... I used to make $80,000 a year, and was laid off 3.5 years ago. My wife wanted me to stay at home because she made even more money than I did, and she wanted me to basically raise our kids, which was fine for me. My wife was in a really stressful job, and it was nice to see my kids ( I used to work nights and barely saw my kids ). Then she took a new job for slightly less money, but with less stress, and closer to home. And she has a boss who really appreciates her. Life is good for her right now..... EXCEPT I think she hates me making so little money these days. The pressure is on her financially, for the most part.
That said, I consider my job these days to be managing our money. Turns out that I have been rather lucky with the stock market... But whatever money I make by investing, is almost like it is invisible.... we never use it, and my wife has no idea how much money we actually have in stocks.
I'm 50 years old with health issues, tho by and large I feel pretty darn good. But I spent 1/2 my life working in TV and Radio before getting laid off. And the older I get the less I can put up with BS from "kids"..... In TV I had my fill of clueless recent college grads who really had no clue about TV, who were given "titles", in lieu of money. They thought that meant something.... Well it might have if I didn't have 20+ years of experience compared to their 1 - 3 years of experience..... Point being that I don't tolerate nonsense well, nor do I tolerate idiotic people well. I have a pension for saying what I think.... That would have had me in lots of trouble had I not been in a union. So, I don't feel like I can work for idiots again; without union protection I would only end up getting fired.
All of that said, I really want to open my own FT business. I own a PT DJ business, but I don't make enough money from that to really make a difference in our lives.... basically I use that money to pay for our vacation every year.
The business I want to own would legitimately cost about $100K to start properly, and being 50 years old with 2 11 year old girls makes me very hesitant to risk that much money on a risky new business.
I guess the point of all this rambling is that there is always some issue or issues that keep us from being the same as when we were newly married, with no kids, with tons of cash, and no health issues to worry about. Stress, no doubt, leads to lots of problems.
I wish you good luck, and just would like to say that you should look before you leap.... the grass sometimes just appears greener than it is.
I guess I am lucky my family isn't into bread, never has been. Now pasta, homemade pizza and the occasional homemade loaf of bread yes! but no cereal or a loaf of bread. Truth is I tend to forget to buy that stuff, really, totally Freudian, no malice or manipulation, but when I forget often enough so do they.
I agree that relationships go through hills and valleys and the situation tends to continue in the same direction, right now we are on the way up the hill, but it takes so much less to start down the hill and end up in the valley than it does to get started up the hill.
[QUOTE=canio6;997935]I would find a more diplomatic way to phrase this. Speaking as a grown ass man, no one disallows me to do anything in my house whether that be eating bread or what have you. Now, I can be made to see reason if approached the right way but if my wife were to say, "I am not allowing bread into the house," I would ask her where she is moving. (and I don't even eat bread. It is the principle of it)
(and to be fair, I would never tell my wife, "No more diet coke is allowed in this house" etc. Ultimatums do not good communication make.)[/QUOTE]
I said this is what I would do, but not what she should do, if you know what I mean. I may not have put it diplomatically, but this is my solution, if you want to blame me for your problems then expect me to take some action to improve them. Pebbles is not me and her hubby is lucky to have someone so wonderful. Also, canio, I have never seen (actually read) where you blame your problems on others; you seem to take care of yourself, so I would not take such a childish tactic with you:).
[QUOTE=Mud Flinger;998185]Also, canio, I have never seen (actually read) where you blame your problems on others; you seem to take care of yourself, so I would not take such a childish tactic with you:).[/QUOTE]
It's all good and if it would work for you great. You know your family. I just know I am a stubborn s.o.b. and would react badly :D