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  • Sort of a success story

    So I wanted to share my story before going. LOL, still struggle with too many body image issues to need to spend much time in a place where people still are OK at times with making jokes about fat people. My issue, my butt hurt. If anything, maybe someone will read this and stop eating junk food or perhaps reconsider using unkind words towards any loved ones with a health issue that is called obesity.

    I'm moving onto new phase in my life, which is a short term fat cutting plan to help my performance at Crossfit. It is mostly primal, but certainly not a lifestyle. So I figured this point reflects an accurate portrayal of PB and what it did for me. Plus, I told myself that on my 40th I'd post bikini shots, come hell or high water.

    So I'll start from the beginning:
    10226151584_f43584fdaf.jpg
    http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8393/1...f43584fdaf.jpg
    That's the last time in my life that being fat was not on my mind. After that photo was taken- I had just won a competition at horse camp, my mom let me know I looked like a fat slob. I don't see a fat kid in that photo. I see one that loved horses. I was maybe 10 or 11. Kids at school thought it was cool I had a pony. My mom called me fat all the time. I tried.... it's not like I bought the food I was eating. Looking back, this was so much not my fault at this point, but oh well.

    10226334953_64dce77028.jpg
    http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7436/1...64dce77028.jpg
    I'm 13 or so in this photo, and that's when kids at school got in on the act. I don't see a grossly obese unhealthy kid, but at that point in my life was when people started mooing at me. Calling me fat. More farm animal sounds. I mean, can I learn math without ridicule? Thanks. My mom also let me know how fat I was. At this point in my life I was not eating like a normal person, weighing myself daily and basically really super concerned about losing fat. Oh yeah, and this was when a classmate let me know she felt sorry for my horse as surely I was breaking his back. My diet at the time was typical- home made meals, diet soda, no junk food/fast food etc. it was fairly healthy. I was active. Riding 6 days a week, tried a few sports, but again, it makes it hard to go to track when people are mooing and laughing at you. Anytime I ate something like ice cream or cake, I felt like shit about myself and mom was there to reinforce it.

    10226613755_b14c292cb0.jpg
    http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8535/1...b14c292cb0.jpg

    This is me at the end of college. College was a nightmare and my first few years were spent binge drinking and eating crap. I got up to close to 300 lbs. Again, my mom let me know I was a fat ass, as well as a bunch of my classmates, random strangers and all sorts of other people. The mooing continued. Nothing beats walking to class or presenting drawing and hearing "moo" or "oink". I did get told I had a pretty face, what a waste! The only helpful feedback I ever got was from my dad who told me he was worried about my health. THE ONLY feedback I ever received in my life that someone was concerned my fat was hurting my health. I definitely earned that body and know it was 100% my fault for knowingly making poor food choices. I own it. But holy hell, the constant ridicule= 100% unnecessary and not helpful. it scared me into being sedentary and alone. I actually have no photos of me at 300lbs. LOL, I had no friends to take them.

    At some point towards the end of college, I got back into riding and used vegetarianism to get to where I am in the photo- about 250 lbs. I started riding again and got more active. STILL people made comments. My boyfriends (obese) uncle let him know IN FRONT OF ME that he should not date a whale. My mom still let me know I was fat. That said, people stopped mooing at me. The last time I was mooed at was 1997 at a Phish concert where I was also informed it was time to harpoon the whale. Vegetarianism was useful in eliminating the junk. I was also a vegan for awhile.

    10226526144_fed409f15a.jpg
    http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5451/1...fed409f15a.jpg

    I spent most of my 20's and 30's looking like this. I did marathons, half marathons, joined the gym, ate vegetarian, ate 1000 calories a day, ate 500 calories a day. I spent a lot of time with a fake smile, being super nice trying to make up for being fat. As someone joked, I treated my husband way to well...one of those "fat ugly wives grateful for a husband". He was embarrassed by me, cheated on me.... but still, I cooked, cleaned, made money and smiled. Mom still let me know I was fat. I did a marathon! It was awesome, but guess what, no pics as I looked fat. But you know, I dealt with it putting on a smiling fašade and acting happy Lane Bryant existed for me. I did what I was supposed to do and still got to wear a fat suit. I had an MD tell me...as I was training for a marathon and following Dr.Oz's "You on a Diet" to cut the McDonalds, drink diet soda and walk 20 minutes a day and I'd lose weight. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I spent those years mostly hating myself, but I had an awesome fašade of the fat, happy active girl.

    10226151964_b24174250b.jpg
    http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8556/1...b24174250b.jpg

    This is right before I started MDA. I was doing Insanity, coupled with a 1200 calorie a day diet and seeing no change. My life was a cycle of diet and exercise to 200 lbs. Let up a bit on diet, back to 210. Repeat indefinitely. This pic I was about 210 and my body was in pain from running, Insanity and not eating. I hate that photo despite that it shows how much my horse loves me, enough to leave her grass and friends to come spend time with me. It still reverberates that maybe me riding her is a bad idea as I don't want to break her back.

    I started MDA out of straight up desperation. I started eating meat again. Weight came off and someone turned off the treat wanting switch. I got down to about 180. Went from a 16 to 12.

    http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
    Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

  • #2
    Continued:
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    http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2889/1...e474c3c6de.jpg
    What struck me is how much nicer people were to me as a size 12. Men call me honey, baby, darling. Hold doors for me. Touch me. People help me in stores and make eye contact. I get called back for second interviews when I am not really qualified. Women comment on my appearance with something other than a "pretty face". LOL, no one has told me I have a pretty face since starting MDA.
    So my eating got better. Straight up effortless to not eat crap. I'm pretty good 90% of the time and enjoy occasional treats. I feel great, physically. My skin looks great.

    This me today:
    10226439973_362f8a584c.jpg
    http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5472/1...362f8a584c.jpg

    10226500194_6c4171b3d4.jpg
    http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7387/1...6c4171b3d4.jpg

    I wasn't really happy with my body so started crossfit. I'm down to 175, but am now a size 8-10. I just started a new diet as a temporary tool to improve my performance.

    So yeah, I work hard and have seen, IMO, good results. But it makes me sad that in my day to day, people are nicer to me, but I've become a less nice person. As much as the fat pics of me pain me, they were of an empathetic, sweet woman with lots of interests and a willingness to please. I was smart, kind, and giving. A good person. But my sum review of them are "damn, you were fat". The sad thing is I still see myself like that. Fat, still being judged for being fat. These are the bikini pics. FYI, mom still lets me know... "tiny waist, but you will always have those fat legs".
    10226354376_611a53f927.jpg
    http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5441/1...611a53f927.jpg

    10226506714_fdcc630f53.jpg
    http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3670/1...fdcc630f53.jpg

    So, I'll call my body healthy, and I look good in clothes. But sadly, I don't know if I'll ever be able to walk away from feeling inadequate because of how my body is. It makes me sad. I'll be 40 in a week, I'm an average size woman. I still worry that I am being judged for my body. It's a sad reality.

    We are more than what we look like, and I hope anyone that reads this gets that message. Love your life and live it, get healthy, be happy. Being fat isn't the end of the world....I lived a lot of life in that fat suit. Did a lot of awesome things. Losing weight doesn't make you a better person, it just might make you healthier and able to wear smaller clothes.

    MDA will make your body healthier. But it doesn't fix everything.

    http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
    Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

    Comment


    • #3
      Wow, you have had a LOT of BS people in your life. I am sorry you have had so many negative people around you. I would like to smack your mom in the face a few times. What a horrible horrible mother. I started riding pony's at age 12 and had horse's as I got older, animals are the best "peoples" better then most people. I have been trapped between 200 to 280 the past 15 years, finally down to 195, going for 140. Removing grains from my diet has really made a difference. All the low fat, low calorie excising religiously suffering I did to get down to 200 pounds then starting PB, fat is melting off my body, not so much weight but fat. Come over to Spark People Living Primal in a Modern World SparkTeam | SparkPeople
      if your looking for a positive group of people. I've been there 3 years, good people.

      I hope you realize that there is nothing wrong with you, you are just hanging out with the wrong people, you need to dump the bad and ignore the ignorant insults, I could never understand people making noises or laughing at overweight or disabled people. I actually feel bad for them because they are ignorant and narrow mined unfeeling people. If making fun of someone brings them joy, they must be really unhappy people.

      Keep the faith, life is good.

      Comment


      • #4
        Magnolia, thanks for talking about the inner stuff which no one seems to mention when they share their success story. My husband has had very similar experiences, for the first time since i've known him (20+ yrs) he's no longer obese. Random strangers would say things to him about his weight, he was judged by his weight, people would be surprised to find out that he was super smart and creative, like that somehow didn't fit their image of him. Years of being being judged by his appearance has affected how he sees himself and how he relates to people, he feels he has to prove himself and I'm not sure that's going to change even though he looks different.

        On a lighter note; I love the red shoes!
        Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.

        Comment


        • #5
          Well done on your primal voyage! Thanks for sharing.

          I'm mad at your mom.... and I must say that your earlier pics with your horses - you looked so happy, it's terrible that people sucked the joy out of that for you.

          I'm so glad you're healthier.

          Comment


          • #6
            You look fantastic, well done for being so strong minded and mentally tough.

            Comment


            • #7
              Wow, your honesty is refreshing. I lost 80 pounds several years ago and I remember it took a very, very long time for my brain to catch up with my new body. I used to pore over photos of myself, comparing current photos to old ones. For a long time, I still saw someone overweight when I looked in the mirror. I'm still critical of my body at times even though I'm an average weight now.

              I totally know what you mean about being so nice to make up for being fat. That was me for a long time. People still tell me I'm "so nice" and I do place a lot of value on kindness, but I guess I don't use it as a distraction like I used to, or put up with people being mean to me like I used to.

              I think it will just take you some time to adjust to your new body. It can be so disorienting when people start treating you differently, and when you don't even recognize yourself in photos. But you are still the same person inside, just with a little more confidence. And by the way, you look GREAT!!

              Comment


              • #8
                "We are more than what we look like, and I hope anyone that reads this gets that message. Love your life and live it, get healthy, be happy. Being fat isn't the end of the world....I lived a lot of life in that fat suit. Did a lot of awesome things. Losing weight doesn't make you a better person, it just might make you healthier and able to wear smaller clothes.

                MDA will make your body healthier. But it doesn't fix everything."

                Dear Magnolia, I have learned a lot from you over the last year or so, but this is the most important of all. Thankyou so much and I wish you well in all ways. Love, Annie x
                Annie Ups the Ante
                http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread117711.html

                Comment


                • #9
                  Awesome! You look great. Unfortunatly changing your body is sometimes the easy part. Changing to be happy with yourself is a bit harder. At some point though you have to just kinda say screw it. I've just past that point myself, after years of alot of diffrent crap and hitting some low points I've realized I can't change or fix things that have passed. I've been removing negative things from my life and it's quite a bit better.

                  What struck me is how much nicer people were to me as a size 12. Men call me honey, baby, darling. Hold doors for me. Touch me. People help me in stores and make eye contact. I get called back for second interviews when I am not really qualified. Women comment on my appearance with something other than a "pretty face". LOL, no one has told me I have a pretty face since starting MDA.
                  Thats all good stuff, take it, enjoy it, use it.

                  So yeah, I work hard and have seen, IMO, good results. But it makes me sad that in my day to day, people are nicer to me, but I've become a less nice person. As much as the fat pics of me pain me, they were of an empathetic, sweet woman with lots of interests and a willingness to please. I was smart, kind, and giving. A good person. But my sum review of them are "damn, you were fat". The sad thing is I still see myself like that. Fat, still being judged for being fat. These are the bikini pics. FYI, mom still lets me know... "tiny waist, but you will always have those fat legs".
                  No reason you can't be empathetic, sweet and look good doing it. Some day you may bump into the person who is where you were, and i've been and I'm certain others here have been and maybe with a kind word or sharing your story they find the incentive to change also.
                  I find your lack of bacon disturbing.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Great inspiration. I too come from a family history of emotional abuse. I was always fat. I was always stupid. Periodically I still am (but I try to not spend too much time with my family, which is easier now that they are 1000 miles away). I look back at pictures and realize that I was about a size, and maybe 15 pounds, bigger than my friends. I was also taller. But I didn't see that and neither did my family, obviously. Anyway, thank you for sharing your story and your successes, and maybe one day we can both let go of the abuse.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      You say you've seen good results, I say outstanding!

                      I'm sorry you've had to deal with so many shitty people in your time.

                      You look great, healthy and vital. Enjoy the next phase of your evolution and know your contribution to this forum has been appreciated and of value.

                      If you're interested in my (very) occasional updates on how I'm working out and what I'm eating click here.

                      Originally posted by tfarny
                      If you are new to the PB - please ignore ALL of this stuff, until you've read the book, or at least http://www.marksdailyapple.com/primal-blueprint-101/

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Sweet jezus, I'm so not surprised that you got on the heavier side of healthy!! You really should disown your mom!!
                        Those first two pictures showed a very healthy young girl. You shouldn't have been confronted with the thoughts of being fat when you are 13 and look like that.
                        I was bigger at that age and was a fanatic horse-rider as well, I looked so much worse on a horse...

                        I know it doesn't help you but I feel really sorry for that girl that had to deal with a mother like that and class-mates like that. Especially since you were open to the comments and let them affect you. I don't blame you for it, not many teens are able to let the comments slide and ignore them. Especially since your mother was the one to make them instead of loving you.

                        Yes, you look good right now. I understand that you still aren't happy with a few things but it's about how you feel. Do you feel healthy and happy in your own body?
                        On the legs, for women it's good to have a bit of fat there, it give you something that is called 'curves' and they are made to show the male population that your body is healthy to bare children. (there might of course be issues that prevent getting pregnant but in general evolutionary history, curves and a bit of fat on the legs and bum indicates that).

                        You should be proud of what you have achieved and realize that many are jealous of you now, including your mom!!
                        With turning 40 you'll get the chance to start anew. Give that big date a bigger meaning and try to see it as a new start, without the bag for of hurt from a prior life.
                        (I know it won't happen overnight but try, make yourself happy!)
                        My story, My thought....

                        It's all about trying to stay healthy!!!!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Thanks for the kind words.
                          I wanted to speak up for my mom. She is and was a good person and a good mother in all aspects of my life, with the exception of being critical of my weight. Obviously, she paid for the horses, paid for my education, was proud when I achieved anything and even as an adult did things like hold a sign up to cheer me on in crappy weather at a marathon. I think her criticism of m weight came from a good place and was well intentioned. She knew what a burden it would be. I'm not sure she knew the other crap I went through, it's not something I ever mentioned.

                          I believe that the message was damaging because of the number of sources it came from. That's what upset me the other day about the topic with rude comments about larger women. There have been a few other points of ridicule on this BB. I'd hate to think that a person wanting to lose weight would come to this site for information and see, yet again, more negative comments.

                          I know a lot of people say things like "It's just an online BB", well it's one about health and wellness. All day long, I know fat people are a butt of jokes elsewhere and you know, some asshole bro putting up some comments about "Fat Chicks" yeah, that's a douchebag. But realize that the person who read that comment and (more than likely said nothing) probably hears that same hurtful and damaging message in many other corners of their life and the damage is in the adding up of that message.

                          http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
                          Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Wow! You're definitely an overcomer. More power to you! I hope this encourages any who are struggling with these feelings and thoughts. Especially from family. That must be awful.

                            And it is weird, when people start looking at you for those extra few seconds. I still sometimes forget I'm not obese anymore. You ever walk past a window or mirror and think, "Dang! Look at - OMG, that's me!"?
                            Crohn's, doing SCD

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Magnolia, you perservered despite the messages you received. I was always fluffy, so to speak but also ballooned out during college. I did have a loving and supportive family thank goodness. I have also noticed a tremendous change in people's behaviour towards me since losing over a hundred pounds. My motto is however, if you didn't have time for me when I was fat, but the same person, screw you now. Good luck to you.

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