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  • The part that saddens me is the quality of life differences.

    I would love to go for a walk in the evenings with him, but he would rather sit in front of the tv, so I go alone.

    On vacation, I would love to do ziplines, mountain bike rides, active stuff. He would rather sit on a 4 wheeler, sit in a boat and can't do zip lines because of the weight limit. He is right at the edge of the limit. So, I sit on excursions with him because it is what we can both do. Otherwise, we do our fun things different.

    Those are the sad things that are separating us. I am getting to the point where I will start to plan my fun stuff, and he can do things alone. Why, when I work hard to get healthy, eat good, exercise and have energy, do I have to do the 'sit' stuff?! His choice to stay unhealthy, so his choice to sit alone.

    The part where I love him has kept me from doing that. But, if he loved me, he would want to take better care of himself so we can do things together.

    The other day he talked again about changing careers and going back to driving long haul big rig trucks. He stated that he is getting older and his job right now is physical and he is not sure how much longer he can do it. He is 46 years old! That is not old. His job is a lot of walking, not lifting heaving things or heavy physical stuff. It saddens me he is thinking of his future as needing to sit more. I don't know what to do.

    I just hope to be a good example and hope he changes his views. I doubt it though. Too much like his parents. Sad.

    I want to jump out of airplanes!
    I want to run a mudder this summer!
    I want to have fun and do some extreme stuff.

    Looks like I will be doing it alone......
    44 F 5'5
    SW 205.4
    CW 180.4
    GW 150

    Comment


    • Originally posted by sires6 View Post
      I heavily salt the zucchini jand let it drain for half an hour OR MORE. Then I rinse, dry and then cook. They are firmer and better that way.
      I'd definitely like to try it myself sometime, so thanks for the tip. I guess I'll have him try it too, but I don't expect that he'll care for it =P

      BTW, speaking of reading labels, even my cat does it now:

      (yes, she's missing an eye)
      My Blog where I talk about my experiences with improving my health and life
      (I try to update ... once in awhile)


      Rimmer - Step up to Red Alert!
      Kryten - Sir ... are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.
      (Red Dwarf)

      Comment


      • Thanks for the recommendation. I've tried Tinkyada rice noodles and several other brands cooked all different lengths, salted differently, lid on/off... I have come to the conclusion I just don't like rice noodles. The lasagna ones are okay, but other than that, I would rather forgo a noodle than have a rice noodle.

        I also could never pass them off as "real" noodles on the kid (3 at the time) like I can with Ancient Grains.

        Comment


        • For me, if my significant other didn't acknowledge his diet is crap and agree I get full control of our children's diets... It'd be a problem. I don't want his diet ruining my children's health. It'd also be a problem if he wasn't supportive of me with my diet. He's extremely supportive and it means so much to me.

          I do feel a pang of "missing out" when I make something awesome and he is unable to try it.

          However, he has a eating disorder (phobia of new foods, has safe foods), so it's a bit different than someone who chooses not to eat healthfully. He is slowly working on the disorder and not going to insist our children eat grains at each meal -- not much more I could ask for. I'd have much more trouble with someone insisting their crap diet wasn't harmful than I have with this.

          Comment


          • This made me think of us:
            ImageUploadedByMarks Daily Apple Forum1393046608.189547.jpg

            Comment


            • My suggestion is get life insurance on him and when he passes enjoy it. Some folks just wont live. Whats he afraid of anyways?
              Primal since April 2012 Male 6' 3" SW 345lbs CW 240lbs GW 220lbs and when I get there I am getting a utlikilt. This one http://www.utilikilts.com/company/pr...ilts/workmans/ actually.

              Join me at www.paleoplanet.net, where all the cavemen hang out.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by Warmbear View Post
                My suggestion is get life insurance on him and when he passes enjoy it. Some folks just wont live. Whats he afraid of anyways?
                It's a phobia, an irrational fear of something. It doesn't have to make sense to you. You wouldn't go and lock someone with claustrophobia in a closet would you?

                Sent from my HTC_PN071 using Marks Daily Apple Forum mobile app

                Comment


                • I might, depends on the situation. My advice stands. he is not willing to face his problems and get help then get insurance on him so that you wont be stranded with a long healthy life without his support. Cold blooded it may be but you have to look after yourself and he clearly wont.
                  Primal since April 2012 Male 6' 3" SW 345lbs CW 240lbs GW 220lbs and when I get there I am getting a utlikilt. This one http://www.utilikilts.com/company/pr...ilts/workmans/ actually.

                  Join me at www.paleoplanet.net, where all the cavemen hang out.

                  Comment


                  • Change can be scary. A lot of people start to ask themselves, "Who would I be if I didn't have this anymore?" and can't come up with an answer that doesn't scare the shit out of them.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by Warmbear View Post
                      My suggestion is get life insurance on him and when he passes enjoy it. Some folks just wont live. Whats he afraid of anyways?
                      Originally posted by Hannakb View Post
                      It's a phobia, an irrational fear of something. It doesn't have to make sense to you. You wouldn't go and lock someone with claustrophobia in a closet would you?
                      Thanks for sticking up for my fiancé Hanna. I think warm bear was referring to Kris' sig other who just doesn't want to live a healthy lifestyle, not my fiancé. At least I hope not! His eating disorder is a very real condition he can't just choose to get better from similar to someone can't just choose not to have a heart condition. With both, lifestyle modifications are necessary for healing, but simply a desire to be better is not near enough.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Kris T View Post
                        The part that saddens me is the quality of life differences.

                        I would love to go for a walk in the evenings with him, but he would rather sit in front of the tv, so I go alone.

                        On vacation, I would love to do ziplines, mountain bike rides, active stuff. He would rather sit on a 4 wheeler, sit in a boat and can't do zip lines because of the weight limit. He is right at the edge of the limit. So, I sit on excursions with him because it is what we can both do. Otherwise, we do our fun things different.

                        Those are the sad things that are separating us. I am getting to the point where I will start to plan my fun stuff, and he can do things alone. Why, when I work hard to get healthy, eat good, exercise and have energy, do I have to do the 'sit' stuff?! His choice to stay unhealthy, so his choice to sit alone.

                        The part where I love him has kept me from doing that. But, if he loved me, he would want to take better care of himself so we can do things together.
                        The other day he talked again about changing careers and going back to driving long haul big rig trucks. He stated that he is getting older and his job right now is physical and he is not sure how much longer he can do it. He is 46 years old! That is not old. His job is a lot of walking, not lifting heaving things or heavy physical stuff. It saddens me he is thinking of his future as needing to sit more. I don't know what to do.

                        I just hope to be a good example and hope he changes his views. I doubt it though. Too much like his parents. Sad.

                        I want to jump out of airplanes!
                        I want to run a mudder this summer!
                        I want to have fun and do some extreme stuff.

                        Looks like I will be doing it alone......
                        It sounds like it's a lot more than just food as being the issue, or maybe you guys don't have much in common. My S.O. insists on eating his rice/corn chex with rice milk in the morning, but that's okay as I can just cook something for myself. He also loves when I cook eggs and bacon so he's not so stubborn on his favorite snack. He will drink mountain dew, and I will go for coffee. But we have a lot in common that doesn't encroach on either of our lifestyle choices, such as we both enjoy hiking, going for walks, and we also enjoy watching movies and TV shows. We both want to be healthy and fit, and sometimes it's okay to go separate ways on the weekends because then we have something to chat about at dinner time. It's a little bit of both, and to be honest I'm probably the stubborn one.

                        It makes me sad to see you think he doesn't love you. I don't know you guys but I would say he probably does love you but does not realize what he is doing is coming across as unloving. Sometimes counseling can be good, it can help you two facilitate discussion. I recommend it, counseling has helped me before, and poor/miss communication is a big issue-creator. Sometimes a third party to help facilitate communication is very helpful.
                        Stumbled into Primal due to food allergies, and subsequent elimination of non-primal foods.

                        Start Gluten-Free/Soy-Free: December 2012; start weight 158lbs, Ladies size 6
                        Start Primal: March 2013, start weight 150lbs, Ladies size 6
                        Current: 132lbs, Ladies size 2
                        F/23/5'9"

                        26lbs lost since cutting the crap.

                        Comment


                        • Thanks for all the responses. I do know he loves me. We have been together for over 26 years. I started dating him when I was 15. He has been to hell and back with me, and has stuck through all my unhealthy years and all my crazy.

                          It seems like he is just stuck. He is happy staying where he is. No changes. No living. He is perfectly content on the computer, watching movies and hanging out at home. He doesn't want to go and do anything that requires exertion. It is like has resigned his life to what it is.

                          Makes me sad. I do fear we have grown apart, or are in the process of us growing apart. What we want for the next 20 years is completely different. Completely.

                          I am at a loss at what to do.

                          BTW - we have always had life insurance on each other. For more than 20 years. Just in case something happened to either of us or both, our kids would be taken care of.
                          44 F 5'5
                          SW 205.4
                          CW 180.4
                          GW 150

                          Comment


                          • I would start with talking -- maybe at a group session or counseling. He needs to understand that what he is doing is hurting you, and there are probably some things that he needs you to understand too.

                            If you can make it look like you are doing this for me it might be a better approach. It sounds like you are trying to get him to come along on your Primal journey because it has done such a good thing for you, and you want him to be healthy too. It sounds like it's not something he's interested in doing for himself, because as you said, he enjoys his lifestyle the way it is. But if you can communicate that it's something that would make you very happy, do it for the sake of loving you and so on, it could be a place to start. Even walking for 10 minutes a day could make a difference, say it's something you want to do for 'alone time' with him where you can just chat without the distractions of the world (hard to chat in a car, or near a TV set).

                            And I will say again, communicating this to him is very important. Appeal to his best person, he probably doesn't know that it is hurting you or worrying you. Some people are not future-thinkers and don't consider this stuff, so people like you need to remind them, they will otherwise just do short-term decisions without thinking of the long run. I also say this because this is a public forum, and although unlikely, it is possible that he may see these posts. It is always better to hear about a problem from the 'horse's mouth' rather than finding out through someone else, and with the public forum it would be like you are talking to everyone but him. He might feel singled out.

                            Who knows? I don't know enough about your situation or the people involved, but these are just some of my ideas.
                            Stumbled into Primal due to food allergies, and subsequent elimination of non-primal foods.

                            Start Gluten-Free/Soy-Free: December 2012; start weight 158lbs, Ladies size 6
                            Start Primal: March 2013, start weight 150lbs, Ladies size 6
                            Current: 132lbs, Ladies size 2
                            F/23/5'9"

                            26lbs lost since cutting the crap.

                            Comment


                            • I just noticed this, but our shoppette, which is the second closest food source next to Pizza Hut from work after the dining facility closes, has a aisle with a "be fit (r) healthy choices for a healthy lifestyle" sign for the low fat junk foods: "cracker chips," bars, fruit chews, frosted and flavoured cereal, granola, pop tarts. You know, healthy stuff...

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by RittenRemedy View Post
                                I just noticed this, but our shoppette, which is the second closest food source next to Pizza Hut from work after the dining facility closes, has a aisle with a "be fit (r) healthy choices for a healthy lifestyle" sign for the low fat junk foods: "cracker chips," bars, fruit chews, frosted and flavoured cereal, granola, pop tarts. You know, healthy stuff...
                                Since when were these ever heathy? Wow.
                                "...You sort of start thinking anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.” -Ginny

                                My story: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/i-now...#axzz2MzPtxo00

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