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  • Going it alone, without family support

    My name is Josh and I've been primal for a month and a week now. Going to the gym to lift weights has been AWESOME. I've found a happy place for bacon in my house (in my stomach!) and I've reversed the risk of type 2 diabetes. My arteries thank you Mark.

    In case you haven't read, my life is SOOOO much better now.

    The results so far after only 1 month are completely undeniable. I still can't wake up in the morning because I'm up taking care of my 9 month old daughter, but that's to be expected. Plus I smile now.

    My depression has completely gone away.

    After losing weight and lowering my cholesterol (yay!) I showed my wife the "diet" works. However, she is still unconvinced that it's a healthy lifestyle. (Don't get me started on what my parents think)

    After watching [Fat Head] for the 3rd time and enjoying it, she still honestly thinks that I'm crazy.

    Having autism my whole life (and not knowing it) was my biggest challenge and my symptoms have severely decreased, with the exception of my fixation on this diet, which helps me stay motivated.

    I'm way too excited about eating primal because I've tried spreading the bacon gospel in ALL the wrong ways.

    People still look at me funny when I order Burgers without the bun, extra bacon, extra veggies, etc. I know they are doing this because they are really freaked out that someone with low cholesterol would be eating bacon.

    Here's the thing, I really need some support. My family is "Tired" of sticking up for my beliefs, tired of dealing with the morning sickness problems, and very tired of not eating the foods their parents told them was healthy (even though they were always dieting on them and gained weight.)

    That saying about leading a horse to water applies here.

    I need a primal buddy in my local area to work out with, otherwise I can't stay motivated for long. Of course that might be my autism speaking, but it would certainly help.

    I also need to find a way to eat my wife's pasta or my marriage will be in a very large rut.

    Anyone have any ideas?
    Blag: The FPSJosh01 Ego Experience
    Follow me on google+
    Superraw: the Autism Buster blag
    "Don't spread the word, spread the butter"

  • #2
    Hi and welcome to the group. I live in a very rural area with a non-supporting family too. I find reading here helps a LOT when I feel like giving up. I get the reaction from my family that I can "try" to eat that way, but nobody else is going to, they are going to eat what they want, be overweight, diabetic heart patients, and think they are ok on this.

    Read here, post often, and you will succeed. You have a baby to be healthy for now!
    Success is getting what you want, Happiness is wanting what you get~Brother Dave Gardner

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    • #3
      Hey Josh, nice to meet you. You said you need a local buddy but you didn't mention where you live. If you can't find anyone, consider starting a journal here on the forums, that's what I did. I'm also the kind of person who needs support and encouragement from friends and family.

      Forget eating your wife's pasta. No person should be allowed to hold another person's health by the reins. You NEED to show her that you are serious about this. I held my ground, and guess what? Now my boyfriend is Primal too!

      Maybe she makes pasta meals just to provoke you. Say no thanks, explain to her calmly why you cannot eat it, and go out for a burger. If you were allergic to nuts, but she insists you eat it, would you risk death to save the marriage? Your wife will not leave you because this.

      If you read my journal, you'll see that my boyfriend kept buying me brownies, Pepsi, and that sort of stuff, for some reason, the more I explained to him why I couldn't eat those, the more he'd bring home. I think he felt threatened by me taking control of my health, and subconsciously tried to sabotage it. I mean, if I got healthy then he would feel bad that HE'S not. But if we BOTH eat junk, the we have nothing to feel bad about. Funny how that works :-)
      Last edited by abstractpersona; 09-20-2011, 02:11 PM. Reason: fixing typos. you know, typing from a phone..
      My smartphone makes me about $100 per month
      Updating my journal again after a 2 year break.

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      • #4
        Hey Josh!

        I feel for you. I have a very unsupportive family as well. I've already lost a ton of weight through weight loss surgery and want to lose more but I'm being told that I'm "fine" and "don't lose any more weight" etc etc. All while continuing to throw cookies, candy, and other junk my way. It makes me want to scream.

        You can't let other people dictate what your health habits will be. Certainly, you can't change them. You have to stick to your guns. Sooner or later you'll show them you were right all along!

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        • #5
          Maybe she makes pasta meals just to provoke you.
          Oh man don't I know it haha. She waves bread in front of me (and I've done bread weekends.)

          She understands I'm serious, I just wish she would hop on board. Ironically she's allergic to a lot of the things we avoid.

          You said you need a local buddy but you didn't mention where you live.
          Yep
          I live in the Hartford/New Britain area of Connecticut. For those who are interested.

          I go to LA Fitness, have a personal trainer, and eventually need someone to help me switch it up.

          I feel for you. I have a very unsupportive family as well.
          Thanks, that's good to know. Personally, I might need to take it down a notch with the bacon gospel and such.

          Say no thanks, explain to her calmly why you cannot eat it, and go out for a burger.
          Just remember this is my wife we are talking about here. She says if I don't eat her food, it becomes a cultural problem. It was just the way she was raised. I will certainly try my best to explain it better.

          Lastly, I just started a fitday journal Kenzington as per your signature. Can't wait to start using it.
          Last edited by fpsjosh01; 09-20-2011, 12:00 PM. Reason: Preventing a repost
          Blag: The FPSJosh01 Ego Experience
          Follow me on google+
          Superraw: the Autism Buster blag
          "Don't spread the word, spread the butter"

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          • #6
            Maybe there are ways you can eat primally while still eating with your wife. Last night, I cooked up a batch of meatballs -- it was a beef/pork/veal blend of ground meat, with 1 egg, lots of garlic powder, onion flakes, hot pepper, oregano and basil; just over 1 pound yielded 22 meatballs, which I cooked in a pot of organic tomato sauce for 40 minutes (stirring every so often). My husband and sons had the meatballs with spaghetti and garlic bread; I had the meatballs with spaghetti squash. Everyone was happy. (One day, I'll convince the boys in my life to try the squash.) Compromising like this -- mains that we share, and sides that are tailored to our style of eating -- may go a long way to domestic bliss.
            F, 44 years old, 111.8 lbs, 4 feet 11.5 inches (yes, that half inch matters!)

            **1st place sparring, AAU TKD regional qualifier, 2/15/15 - It's damn good to hit like a girl!**

            **First-ever 5K race 11/28/13: 37 minutes, 18+ seconds, no stopping**

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            • #7
              My DH and I have worked it out now. We usually share the protein portion of our meals and he will have noodles or potatoes with veg and I'll have salad or a smaller helping of potato or a sweet potato or extra veggies. If he wants spaghetti, I don't give him a hard time about the pasta and he doesn't bug me about my spaghetti squash.

              Quite often now, he'll skip the noodles or potatoes and have salad or veggies along with me.
              Newcomers: If you haven't read the book, at least read this thread ... and all the links!
              http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread17722.html

              F/49/5'4"
              Jan. 1, 2011: 186.6 lbs PBSW Mar. 1, 2011: 175.8 lbs
              CW: 146.8 lbs
              GW 140 lbs
              A proud member of PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals

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              • #8
                Josh - congrats on your early success. Although it probably doesn't feel like it right now, because you feel like you have found the silver bullet, you are early in your journey. Five weeks is a very short period of time. Not saying you won't have continued success, but you should be patient with yourself and the loved ones around you. Particularly with prior diagnosis of depression and autism. Depression never goes away completely, we just try keep it locked in the closet where it belongs. Trust me, if your success continues and the results undeniably visible to all, eventually your wife and family will be right there with you. My wife called me crazy. 8 months later she now gladly cooks and bakes paleo/primal for the whole family.
                Grass Fed Beef Restaurants

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                • #9
                  I was kidding about her "provoking" you ;P ... sort of.

                  Why must you eat the way her culture does? (Oh, I'm from Portugal, by the way, different culture than my boyfriend. He won't eat pork skin or blood sausage and I won't make him, it's his choice. )

                  It's your choice to eat how you want, and it's her choice to eat what she wants.

                  Surely there's something on her dishes you can eat? If not, then consider whether you want your daughter to eat what she cooks, and become unhealthy.
                  I also did what Jackie and Belinda did, it worked. Share the protein and have different sides. A lot of sides take just 10 minutes to prepare.

                  Give it time, things will get better with time.
                  My smartphone makes me about $100 per month
                  Updating my journal again after a 2 year break.

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                  • #10
                    Josh, just wanted to lend you some words of encouragement. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst when it comes to converting people. 20 months after going primal, my wife is a solid convert, but nobody else in my life is -- even though my family is full of sick, obese people, and I used to be one of them. You might think one or two would be interested in taking back their health... but, sadly, they are not. Addiction to the SAD can be just as tenacious as any other addiction.

                    The best you can do is set a good example. Indulge your wife and family and treat them as they wish to be treated, but defend your right to the same consideration. Maybe you could help your case by learning to cook a dish or two that your wife likes -- perhaps a variation on her favorite pasta dish, but without the pasta. Kelp noodles can be a good substitute.

                    And congrats on your nine-month-old! Raising a baby is the most primal thing of all and good fathers are in chronically short supply.

                    What is your location, anyway? You never know if there might be a potential workout buddy on this very forum.

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                    • #11
                      There are more than a few of use in Boston, but I haven't been tracking the Hartford primals very well.

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                      • #12
                        What is your location, anyway? You never know if there might be a potential workout buddy on this very forum.
                        I just joined haha! I didn't get a chance to update my profile. It's there now. New Britain, CT.

                        And congrats on your nine-month-old! Raising a baby is the most primal thing of all and good fathers are in chronically short supply.
                        Thank you! I love her dearly (even if it lowers my testosterone levels.)

                        I was kidding about her "provoking" you ;P ... sort of.
                        Haha, I love my wife, don't get me wrong! We "provoke" each other all the time.

                        Oh, I'm from Portugal, by the way
                        Wow that's really awesome!

                        Although it probably doesn't feel like it right now, because you feel like you have found the silver bullet, you are early in your journey. Five weeks is a very short period of time. Not saying you won't have continued success, but you should be patient with yourself and the loved ones around you.
                        This is probably one of the most powerful pieces of advice anyone has ever given me. My asperger's syndrome is tough on people because I fixate so easily. Maybe getting lots of fish oil might help. Who knows. Cutting Angry Birds before I go to bed helps me sleep better (my 9 month old doesn't!)

                        Particularly with prior diagnosis of depression and autism. Depression never goes away completely, we just try keep it locked in the closet where it belongs. Trust me, if your success continues and the results undeniably visible to all, eventually your wife and family will be right there with you.
                        Oh god don't I know this. I've sadly learned to keep the bacon gospel to myself, though I'm not unhappy about answering people's questions. You'd figure, after finding out she is alergic to Gluten (almost like everyone else,) my wife would just convert, but who knows anyway.

                        If he wants spaghetti, I don't give him a hard time about the pasta and he doesn't bug me about my spaghetti squash.
                        Will have to give it a try on days where my sugar intake is very low.

                        Hopefully I can keep up with you guys and respond to your comments! You all made my day today ^_^. Thank you very much.
                        Blag: The FPSJosh01 Ego Experience
                        Follow me on google+
                        Superraw: the Autism Buster blag
                        "Don't spread the word, spread the butter"

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                        • #13
                          Shameless bump, It's been a few days.

                          I have more stuff to talk about. My wife gets morning sick with the smell of bacon/pig meat and I have to go eat outside. It's gotten to the point where I confuse the people at work because I'm microwaving the bacon I love at work. This is the same for eggs (without bringing them to work) and all the other raw fats I've been eating.

                          She also spent the last night telling me that asthma is only hereditary and wheat gluten/milk allergies have nothing to do with them... EVER.

                          Of course later that night, my asthma acted up, who knows why...

                          It's just really annoying being "proven wrong" when I actually provide arguments that make sense, or use basic logic to describe my thoughts.

                          Does anyone else experience anything like this as well?
                          Last edited by fpsjosh01; 09-23-2011, 07:05 AM.
                          Blag: The FPSJosh01 Ego Experience
                          Follow me on google+
                          Superraw: the Autism Buster blag
                          "Don't spread the word, spread the butter"

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                          • #14
                            Well, your wife is pregnant and you have to be supportive. The smell of burgers cooking used to make me hurl. Small price to pay and I'm glad to hear you're being a supportive husband. Kudos.

                            And on the other point - sometimes you have to agree to disagree and choose your battles.

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                            • #15
                              sometimes you have to agree to disagree and choose your battles.
                              Will do. If by choosing my battles, you mean avoiding them altogether, that will keep my wife very happy .

                              I think I gave up last night anyway. Even after saying people can TRY to cut gluten/milk/veggie oil to see if that works for them, she still said "LA LA LA I'M NOT LISTENING." Then she went back to drinking some coke.

                              I think she's even gone so far as to say MDA is a cult. (which I reminded her by her own logic, so is weight watchers!)

                              Her thought processes are sometimes even logical, because MDA would definitely push their products over all others because of marketing reasons. Though I haven't purchased a single one myself. They're just way too expensive.

                              It's just really annoying being "proven wrong" when I actually provide arguments that make sense, or use basic logic to describe my thoughts.
                              The look on everyone's face when I tell them 50% of my calories are from fat is worth the whole experience.
                              Blag: The FPSJosh01 Ego Experience
                              Follow me on google+
                              Superraw: the Autism Buster blag
                              "Don't spread the word, spread the butter"

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