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  • Question for serial monogamists...

    I'm not a "relationship person" so I've only gone through the process of falling in love a few times. I'm really curious about serial monogamists: what's it like to get into all those relationships? Do you fall in love each time? Is the process of falling the same? (curiosity-> excitement -> elation etc.) Does it get repetitive, or is the kind and quality of love different?

    It's been about two weeks since we had a relationship thread - I figured it was time
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  • #2
    I fall in love every chance I get. Even if the relationship lasts only a short time I want to make sure I get every ounce of heartache I deserve. I mean, heartache is one of the best, most action-producing emotions I know of.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by moluv View Post
      I fall in love every chance I get. Even if the relationship lasts only a short time I want to make sure I get every ounce of heartache I deserve. I mean, heartache is one of the best, most action-producing emotions I know of.
      That is a really interesting outlook. I've never thought of it that way before.
      No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated with any other means.
      -Maimonodies

      The cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea.

      Babes with BBQ

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      • #4
        When love beckons to you, follow him,
        Though his ways are hard and steep.
        And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
        Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
        And when he speaks to you believe in him,
        Though his voice may shatter your dreams
        as the north wind lays waste the garden.

        For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
        Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
        So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

        ~Kahlil Gibran on love, from "The Prophet"

        Pretty much sums up my views on love.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by moluv View Post
          When love beckons to you, follow him,
          Though his ways are hard and steep.
          And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
          Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
          And when he speaks to you believe in him,
          Though his voice may shatter your dreams
          as the north wind lays waste the garden.

          For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
          Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
          So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

          ~Kahlil Gibran on love, from "The Prophet"

          Pretty much sums up my views on love.
          "And what of marriage master?"

          "You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of god. But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you"

          Gibran on marriage.

          Beautiful. Thanks Mo. Been a long time since I've thought of that.

          Comment


          • #6
            As a depressed-type (one who suffers from depression), I think I am in some ways more apt to fall in love. I'm sensitive. I'm a hopeless romantic. I build up worlds & imagery in my head & try to make it happen in real life. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it only kind of comes close. But it's worth it, to me. I grew up watching too many movies, especially black & white classics and there's always some sexy dame or damsel in distress. I wanted to be one of them. I'm still kind of enamored with the whole femme fatale concept (it's a vague tattoo inspiration).

            I don't know. I trusted myself with an older boy (just by 2 years, but that can mean a lot when you're 15/16) who lived far away. We met online. He was more depressed than I was and his head scared me so I broke it off. He stalked my life online for several years after. I found a long-term relationship in college. I saw the image of the man I wanted, but he didn't want what I wanted. The last school year with him was painful; we knew we were breaking up the whole time, but couldn't do anything about it. I just kept clinging to my romantic ideals & kept trying to fulfill the image of the kind of woman I wanted to be. I'm not there yet, I don't think I'll ever be, but that's good. It evolves. And I guess that lead me to Hulky. And it helped that I finally found somebody who wanted what I wanted and made it clear that he loves me like I love him.
            Depression Lies

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Iron Will View Post
              "And what of marriage master?"

              "You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of god. But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you"

              Gibran on marriage.
              Love that ^

              I've read some of the relationship threads and just shrugged really. I'm in a monogamous relationship of almost 25 years, and hope it's forever. I don't understand the need for constant excitement and drama, and it brings home the 'different strokes' thing. I couldn't live like that, and my husband couldn't either (yes, we talk about it). He's my safe place, and I'm his. We both have professions where we take lots of responsibility and have national leadership roles in our fields. I often push the boundaries beyond my comfort zone. It feels like I go out into the world as a stronger person because of the baseline stability I get from my marriage. We don't always share everything, but we laugh a lot.
              Started Feb 18 2011

              Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

              Journalling here

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Jac View Post
                I'm in a monogamous relationship of almost 25 years, and hope it's forever.
                Same, but at this point, I'm pretty sure it's forever. I'm not sure how we got this far. I think having kids made us suck it up during the toughest times. There was surely some ugliness in years 10-20. Now what we have has almost a zen quality to it. I don't know if we fell into this or if it's our reward for sticking it out.

                I love Iron Will's Gibran quote. We naturally give each other space, because that's just our nature, but the spaces between have gotten more and more intense over time. I think we will be one of those couples who when one dies, the other goes soon after for no apparent reason.
                50yo, 5'3"
                SW-195
                CW-125, part calorie counting, part transition to primal
                GW- Goals are no longer weight-related

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by LauraSB View Post
                  Now what we have has almost a zen quality to it.
                  I know what you mean. It feels effortless, but getting here surely wasn't
                  Started Feb 18 2011

                  Tried basic primal and almost everything else in pursuit of IBS control, mood stability, and weight loss.

                  Journalling here

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    To clarify: by "serial monogamists", I mean people who go from one serious relationship to another, with very little breathing space. I'm not questioning monogamy in general.

                    Not on this thread anyway
                    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                    - Ray Peat

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                      To clarify: by "serial monogamists", I mean people who go from one serious relationship to another, with very little breathing space. I'm not questioning monogamy in general.

                      Not on this thread anyway
                      So is this thread for the people who desperately don't want to be single, or are enthralled by the idea of being in love?
                      Disclaimer: I eat 'meat and vegetables' ala Primal, although I don't agree with the carb curve. I like Perfect Health Diet and WAPF Lactofermentation a lot.

                      Griff's cholesterol primer
                      5,000 Cal Fat <> 5,000 Cal Carbs
                      Winterbike: What I eat every day is what other people eat to treat themselves.
                      TQP: I find for me that nutrition is much more important than what I do in the gym.
                      bloodorchid is always right

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by magicmerl View Post
                        So is this thread for the people who desperately don't want to be single, or are enthralled by the idea of being in love?
                        That's the million dollar question. I used to question if these people were really experiencing 'love' as they felt it, but now I think they do. Or maybe sometimes they settle, until they find someone to fall in love with?

                        I don't know. I like being alone!!!
                        "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

                        In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

                        - Ray Peat

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by YogaBare View Post
                          That's the million dollar question. I used to question if these people were really experiencing 'love' as they felt it, but now I think they do. Or maybe sometimes they settle, until they find someone to fall in love with?

                          I don't know. I like being alone!!!
                          I thought the question was about falling in love- to do it or not. Committing to a long term relationship requires love, sure, but it's not the same thing as falling in love. Like, at all. LTR is commitment and choice, not a feeling. The book passage I quoted above, to me, relates to the simple act of allowing yourself to fall in love knowing it will inevitably lead to pain. For that reason alone, I find it imperative to the richness of my life to allow myself to fall in love at the slightest provocation, with little questioning it. Rational decisions regarding that love are a separate matter entirely.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            I like to actually deny that polygamy is natural, it's actually likely not, except in secluded communes, because monogamy was adopted as a defense mechanism against catastrophe of all sorts -- STDs being one example, large amounts of people in-house, and thus, in danger of all dying from a fire, as another example, or the fact they tend to live in poverty unless the income is large enough to be dispersed for the entire family. This is of course not the same thing as sexual promiscuity, which is what most people against monogamy are for. The feeling of being bored by one person and needing to experience sex with lots of different people.


                            I think sexual promiscuity, and polygamy are both lonely feelings, as you're never really attached to all your partners, and you're always trying to look for something else, something better. It's like a gaping hole in your soul at all times. This seems to have more in common with the opening post, rather than calling it "serial monogamy", which seems to just be the act of getting married and subsequently divorcing the person for whatever reason.

                            I might be old school, but, my true feelings, is that, I would rather walk this earth with a partner, sharing it all, and starting a secluded family, rather than trying to branch out my "love" to several different people, which causes the intensity to lose its spark. I want one person to come home to, a familiar feeling of comfort, someone that truly knows me, and I can share that same love and pass it on to whatever children I may or may not have. Or, who knows, maybe we can just wander forever hand in hand. Being truly in love, I never ever got bored of it, but with love often does come heartbreak, but there definitely is someone out there I believe that will truly resonate with each person. I believe so, because I've felt that intensity, of the fluke, of meeting one unique person, out of billions, that has altered everything about me.
                            Make America Great Again

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Derpamix View Post
                              I might be old school, but, my true feelings, is that, I would rather walk this earth with a partner, sharing it all, and starting a secluded family, rather than trying to branch out my "love" to several different people, which causes the intensity to lose its spark. I want one person to come home to, a familiar feeling of comfort, someone that truly knows me, and I can share that same love and pass it on to whatever children I may or may not have. Or, who knows, maybe we can just wander forever hand in hand. Being truly in love, I never ever got bored of it, but with love often does come heartbreak, but there definitely is someone out there I believe that will truly resonate with each person. I believe so, because I've felt that intensity, of the fluke, of meeting one unique person, out of billions, that has altered everything about me.
                              <slow clap>

                              Well said.

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