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Is monogamy worthwhile; is there a point to it?

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  • #46
    Originally posted by Aldergirl View Post
    Indeed. There's no need to use subliminal messages in poetry to "free" someone else's mind to preferring non-monogamy...Oh, sorry, wrong thread!
    Snicker...
    Breathe. Move forward.

    I just eat what I want...

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    • #47
      Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
      you just left social pressure and family shaming off of the list entirely...?

      half of my ancestry is italian, one grandparent for each parent, and they both have some unmarried aunts in the picture. Not a friendly lifestyle niche for that generation.

      I left out social pressure because today social pressure is aimed at very different things than it was in the 50's, and I'm really not current with it now. My family was quite large including 4 generations and certainly had it's share of unmarried relatives who were as much loved an included as anyone else.

      Originally posted by sbhikes View Post
      In the end, it is very difficult to bond with people in a way that does not fit in with the culture you live in. This is not a value judgement, just a reality. You can try whatever you like, but you do risk being hurt or hurting others because we are all enculturated with certain norms, whether we think we buy into those norms or not. Sometimes you just have to experiment to find your way.
      Indeed, yes. Culture is very important, even critical. Back in the 50's when we had pretty fixed communities we knew everyone and their families. I remember dating one person from a very different cultural background. I felt uncomfortable in their home and with their manners (behavior). Certainly they did nothing wrong at all, they were very kind and nice. But I didn't know what to expect or what they expected of me. It's almost more important to get to know your partners family and relatives first. Look hard for partners of the same culture. Unless you're determined to be a 1%er or to change cultures. Then don't marry until much later or you have learned the new culture.
      "When the search for truth is confused with political advocacy, the pursuit of knowledge is reduced to the quest for power." - Alston Chase

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      • #48
        Originally posted by secret agent girl
        I think you're asking the wrong question. I wonder why you are getting so quickly and deeply invested in a relationship before putting in the requisite time to ascertain your partner's values and build the trust necessary for viable monogamy. Assuming that's what you want. You appear to be leaning that way, but seems like you are exploring other options.
        So I'm 24 in October. I held a girls hand for the first time in October 2013, went on a date for the first time in October 2013, kissed for the first time in October 2013, had a girlfriend for the first time in October 2013, lost my virginity in October 2013.
        So I was quite the late bloomer, but apparently I'm quite attractive and charming. All of my relationships were short though, either I dumped them or they dumped me, or it was never anything more than sex.

        So then I graduated university and moved country. I started dating within a week of getting here (I love the internet) but then I met this girl. She stood out from all the other girls I've met. I decided; why don't I do something I've never done before and go for a long term, monogamous relationship?

        So this is why I may be 'rushing'. This whole experience was/is still new to me. Now I'm wondering if its really for me.
        http://lifemutt.blogspot.sg/ - Gaming, Food Reviews and Life in Singapore

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        • #49
          Originally posted by AMonkey View Post
          So I'm 24 in October. I held a girls hand for the first time in October 2013, went on a date for the first time in October 2013, kissed for the first time in October 2013, had a girlfriend for the first time in October 2013, lost my virginity in October 2013.
          So I was quite the late bloomer, but apparently I'm quite attractive and charming. All of my relationships were short though, either I dumped them or they dumped me, or it was never anything more than sex.

          So then I graduated university and moved country. I started dating within a week of getting here (I love the internet) but then I met this girl. She stood out from all the other girls I've met. I decided; why don't I do something I've never done before and go for a long term, monogamous relationship?

          So this is why I may be 'rushing'. This whole experience was/is still new to me. Now I'm wondering if its really for me.
          I guess the whole experience is new, since October 2013 hasn't happened yet...

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          • #50
            Stealing someone’s wife or even girlfriend can be fun sometimes! It would be far less interesting and also less disturbing without the practice of monogamy…
            "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

            - Schopenhauer

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            • #51
              one of the minor victories I secured in my now month-long psychic battle with the Sorceress is getting to procure women for her new experiments, and I am actually most excited about barking at and chasing off their feeble men.
              "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

              Jack london, "Before Adam"

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              • #52
                Originally posted by Gorbag View Post
                Stealing someone’s wife or even girlfriend can be fun sometimes! It would be far less interesting and also less disturbing without the practice of monogamy…
                Guys and girls, this is the 3rd or 4th time this week I've agreed with Gorbag. Can anyone recommend a good therapist?
                The Champagne of Beards

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                • #53
                  Originally posted by RichMahogany View Post
                  Guys and girls, this is the 3rd or 4th time this week I've agreed with Gorbag. Can anyone recommend a good therapist?
                  no therapist needed yet, but if you buy a leg press machine and any stupid looking shorts i'm going to have you committed...

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                  • #54
                    Originally posted by not on the rug View Post
                    if you buy a leg press machine...
                    No worries about that. It would never fit in the loft.
                    The Champagne of Beards

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                    • #55
                      Not to derail this excellent thread, but I heard some rumors today that even the Bulgarian split squat may be better for strength than the back squat;

                      T NATION | Are Bulgarian Squats Superior to Regular Squats?
                      "All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."

                      - Schopenhauer

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                      • #56
                        Originally posted by Gorbag View Post
                        Not to derail this excellent thread, but I heard some rumors today that even the Bulgarian split squat may be better for strength than the back squat
                        Already read that one. Didn't really see a biomechanically plausible argument for their superiority. And the title doesn't match the content anyway, as he clearly says many times that he's an advocate of real squats. But it was one of the less silly articles on BSS's I've seen, for whatever that's worth.
                        The Champagne of Beards

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                        • #57
                          This discussion is interesting.

                          I personally can't be in a not-monogamous relationship. I get too emotionally invested. It's almost like the relationship reverse-code of Hammurabi for me; I expect out of a relationship everything that I put into it. I know plenty of people who are the opposite and I don't see much wrong with either preference. It's horses for courses.

                          But what I am interested in regarding this discussion so far is re: the 'natural' or evolutionary aspect of things (ie man wants to procreate with woman / sense of security in regards to seed spreading et cetera); where does homosexuality come into play? Is it the exact same drives, just displaced on a different sex? I have three homosexual cousins, a brother, aunt, great uncle, and uncle, all on one side of the family. All of them are very adamant about the point that they have always been / born this way (I.e. that it was not something culturally or socially influenced.) My great uncle committed suicide in the 1950's being unable to come to terms with it, after stints with numerous drugs (primarily cocaine) to try and "cure" himself. His sexuality was only discovered by family in journals found after his death (which, to me, all your catholic conservative American / cultural things of the 50's considered, drives home the point that this was not something he merely 'became' because of social pressure, but rather was very natural for him)

                          Does that make any sense at all?! It's been a long day, haha.

                          And I mean this as a sincere question, I'm not playing the devil's advocate or merely being opposing or trying to get anyone wound up. Embarrassed to say its not something I'm terribly well informed about as far as evolution or nature goes but seemed relevant to the topic.

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                          • #58
                            Originally posted by AMonkey View Post
                            So I'm 24 in October. I held a girls hand for the first time in October 2013, went on a date for the first time in October 2013, kissed for the first time in October 2013, had a girlfriend for the first time in October 2013, lost my virginity in October 2013.
                            So I was quite the late bloomer, but apparently I'm quite attractive and charming. All of my relationships were short though, either I dumped them or they dumped me, or it was never anything more than sex.

                            So then I graduated university and moved country. I started dating within a week of getting here (I love the internet) but then I met this girl. She stood out from all the other girls I've met. I decided; why don't I do something I've never done before and go for a long term, monogamous relationship?

                            So this is why I may be 'rushing'. This whole experience was/is still new to me. Now I'm wondering if its really for me.
                            The rule of thumb I used was 'do I see myself growing old with this person?'. Because if you want to do that, you've probably found a keeper. If you're still in the 'discovery' phase of the relationship, then you're not ready for marriage yet.
                            Disclaimer: I eat 'meat and vegetables' ala Primal, although I don't agree with the carb curve. I like Perfect Health Diet and WAPF Lactofermentation a lot.

                            Griff's cholesterol primer
                            5,000 Cal Fat <> 5,000 Cal Carbs
                            Winterbike: What I eat every day is what other people eat to treat themselves.
                            TQP: I find for me that nutrition is much more important than what I do in the gym.
                            bloodorchid is always right

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                            • #59
                              Bonobos display homosexual behavior.

                              Sent from my LG-VM696 using Marks Daily Apple Forum mobile app

                              My journal

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                              • #60
                                I have a pretty much mixed extreme opinion on this. First I acknowledge that love is way better than sex and that long-term is generally better than short-term.

                                On the other hand, I don't believe monogamy is the only way, so I think that as long as it's more about loving more than one individual rather than about having more sex you're good to go.

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