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New baby destroying my sleep, suggestions?

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  • #16
    Originally posted by InSearchOfAbs View Post
    My eldest is eleven and hasn't slept through the night yet.

    For those that said "it'll get better", THEY LIED!

    Not trying to give you hopes of doom, I'm just saying.
    That's how I was. I never took naps, and I didn't "sleep though the night" until I was three... and by "slept through the night" I mean once I fell asleep I stayed asleep. It would take me 2-3 hours to fall asleep. I hated it. Bed time was 8:00pm... and I would lie there in bed, in the dark, until often after 11:00pm, unable to fall asleep. Not fun! It wasn't until I was about 15 that I would fall asleep after less than an hour of lying in bed.

    I fully expect my little one to give me no sleep for many, many years once he/she comes out next month. I mean, as it is, I can't get any sleep because Belly Baby is making me so nauseous still. I guess I'm just getting prepared. Sigh.

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    • #17
      Aldergirl,

      I was the same way too.

      Sigh.

      However, I bet before 15, whenever you woke up, you didn't go into your mother's
      bedroom, wake her up and say "Mommy, I cant sleep".

      For f*cks sake, nothing pisses me off more.

      I DON'T CARE if you can't sleep, I can, now bugger off already.

      E L E V E N Y E A R S

      I was the biggest militant bitch, too, when Baby Jesus was born - he was to be
      IN his crib from birth. No co-sleeping, no rocking chair sleeping, no nothing.

      If you wanna sleep, get in the crib.

      It worked until he was 2, and then the night terrors started.

      Into the spare room we went, but I'd sneak out later. He'd wake up
      and back I'd go.

      I'd suffered from seeing spirits (yes, ghosts) from 18months on, so no way
      in hell was I going to pull what MY mother did, which was to close her door
      and LOCK IT, so I couldn't get in to be comforted.. grrr. Not bitter, not bitter,
      not bitter!

      So I started sleeping with him in a queen bed at that point until the cows came home.

      Well, really until maybe four, then we switched to twin beds in one room and there
      we are today.

      It sounds absolutely kooky and majorly wrong on SO MANY LEVELS. I know this! I live it!

      But man, sleep is more important than anything else in the world, and I DO KNOW for a
      fact, ONE DAY, he will NOT want his mommy in his room anymore.

      But until then, I couldn't give six shits what people think or what's right or wrong, I just
      want to sleep. I'm pleading to the gods. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!

      And I get it.

      So there.


      Julia

      Comment


      • #18
        Some really poor advice here- FYI (just in case you listen to some of it) breast feeding babies need milk when they need milk. 7 months is still a tiny baby-milk is the most important nutrition until 1 year old (and amazing for much longer).
        Co-sleeping will enable your wife to give your child the very best start, with the least fuss during the night.
        But you do need your sleep too, and I suspect you are a light sleeper? Could you move your bed so that baby goes between wall and wife? Hence no kicking? Other than that I agree with those who suggested air bed.
        No child breast feeds till they are a teenager, nor do they co-sleep that long. They are small for such a short time really, please try to remember that

        Eta: there is some excellent advice here too, you need to read these replies with a sensible head on I think. Not everything works for everyone, but often compromise, doing things for short term (2 years out of 18 is short term honestly!), can be best for everyone involved.
        Last edited by laurathegoth; 08-20-2013, 02:01 PM.

        Comment


        • #19
          And another thing, if someone could have showed me a movie of my
          child ACTUALLY growing up, what a great kid he was going to turn out to
          be, and that everything was going to really be ALL RIGHT, man, I would
          have relaxed on my stress about EVERYTHING.

          When you're in the throws of babydom and toddlerhood, it seems
          INTERMINABLE.

          You'll see people in the grocery store that say "oh, it all goes by so fast".

          NO IT DOESN'T!!!!!

          It's FOR-E-VER!

          Infancy - forever! Toddlerhood - forever!

          Never.Seem.To.Get.Older. even though you SEE them
          getting older.

          Only now, with my kids being 8 and 11 has the realization set in
          that yes, NOW it's going by fast.

          My 11yo in the 6th grade? WHAT? Middle school? Who? What? When? HOW?!?!?

          This summer it hit home so bad, it was actually the first summer that I wasn't
          chomping at the bit for them to go BACK to school. We had the best summer ever
          even though we went basically NOWHERE (beach doesn't count!) and did virtually
          nothing.

          Loved every.minute.of.it. and every second I spent with them, which was 24/7 for 64
          days.

          So anyway, all I can say to new parents is to relax. It seems like forever at first, and it
          really is, but there WILL be a point for all of you where it will kick in that it isn't, and you
          can't get the past back, so enjoy it while you can.

          They DO grow up, they really, really do.

          I have proof.

          Sniff!


          Julia

          Comment


          • #20
            Originally posted by laurathegoth View Post
            Some really poor advice here- FYI (just in case you listen to some of it) breast feeding babies need milk when they need milk. 7 months is still a tiny baby-milk is the most important nutrition until 1 year old (and amazing for much longer).
            Co-sleeping will enable your wife to give your child the very best start, with the least fuss during the night.
            But you do need your sleep too, and I suspect you are a light sleeper? Could you move your bed so that baby goes between wall and wife? Hence no kicking? Other than that I agree with those who suggested air bed.
            No child breast feeds till they are a teenager, nor do they co-sleep that long. They are small for such a short time really, please try to remember that
            Rolled up beach towels work well too between partners or the wall.

            Firm enough to absorb the kicking and NOT anything anyone is going to smother in.

            My husband and I haven't slept in the same bed for 9 years and honestly, we don't care either.

            We will again (maybe if he stops snoring, EVER) when the kids move out or grow a pair before
            then, but for now, sleep is more important then sleeping in the same bed together cuz it's whats
            expected of a married couple.

            Bullocks.

            If you wanna go to the boneyard, separate bedrooms are great for late night rendezvous!!!

            Comment


            • #21
              This reminds me of a funny meme I saw recently "co-sleepers do it anywhere BUT the bedroom"

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by Iron Fireling View Post

                I can't imagine trying to share a bed with an infant! For starters it would make me paranoid about suffocating them, and also it would take up more room.
                I worried about this, too. Then one night I rolled over the arm of my few week old baby, and she screamed. After that, I knew we'd be fine. I keep blankets away though.

                Comment


                • #23
                  We co-slept for two years and I breastfed for four. The best co-sleeping arrangement, in our experience, was to take the side off the cot and put the cot against the side of the bed - sort of like a sidecar (use G-clamps to secure the frames, we had an adjustable cot, so it was completely level with our bed). The means the baby is close, but has own mattress and covers (we used a baby sleeping bag) so doesn't get squashed/too hot/covered up. Up until that point he'd been sleeping between us on top of our covers. The first few weeks he slept on a parent's chest and we stayed awake in shifts, but we were a little crazy. It does get easier, but maintaining sanity in the interim is hard.
                  I like badgers, books and booze, more or less in that order.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Your wife and child are not to blame here. She's doing the right thing for her and her baby's health and probably the best thing for everyone to get most sleep. Believe me - NOT BF and co-sleepoing would be far more exhausting/disruptive/noisy.if you can't cope, you nEed to leave the room. Sofa if need be. Or a camp bed. And no, 7 months is not a long time to be bf/co-sleeping.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by girlhk View Post
                      v

                      My kid is 26 months and we still co-sleep. I would never put her in a room by herself until she's ready. But that's just me.
                      mine turns 5yo in less than a week, and he still cosleeps. we love it though. he also nursed until he was 3. he would have gone longer, but I ended it (poorly -- I still self flagellate over that).

                      it's biologically appropriate for children to cosleep, as well as breastfeed to natural weaning (ages 3-7).

                      To the OP:
                      Co-sleeping makes breastfeeding so much easier for the mother. The best way to get sleep is just sleep in another room or the living room. That's what my husband does. Lets me breastfeed in peace, he gets his sleep, all 3 of us are happy.
                      I agree. you might consider a good japanese futon or thai massage mat -- i find these more comfortable than air mattresses or sofas, and being on the floor is healthier for you than the sofa anyway. They roll up easily so you can keep them in a closet by day with bed linens. You'll sleep much better.

                      Soon, the baby days will be over, and your daughter will be in her own bed and you'll be back in yours.

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                      • #26
                        I sleep on the floor, or alternatively, I sleep on a Japanese futon. My posture is way better, and I sleep better, too. Mattresses don't seem all that normal or comfortable anymore.

                        You seem pretty stressed, op, I think you should lighten up and get some ear plugs and cherish your daughter instead of referring to her as a parasite.
                        Make America Great Again

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                        • #27
                          I have to say, InSearch, you'll get no judgment from me. Sound slike you're doing a great job.

                          Dh and I were talking about how fast DS is growing up. Before he came, we'd been together 10 years (ish). He'll be in our household (likely) for 20 years tops, and then he's off on his own, right? He turns 5 in less than a week -- we are 1/4 of the way through our time with him. Shocking, no?

                          When people pressure us to get him into his own bed, or get him into this or that, we just go "are you nuts?" They talk about it as if this is "forever" (as you describe it -- my friend said "days are long, years are short." It's true!), and if you don't cut whatever you are doing out NOW, then they will NEVER leave.

                          My MIL was giving us pressure about something, and I said "look, DH moved to the *other side of the planet* in his adulthood. Can't we just enjoy that we're probably only going to live with this amazing person for about 20 years, and then he's out on his own? He may decide to move to the other side of the planet? We may never have the opportunity to be this physically close to him again, to smell his head and give him kisses at night? To rub his feet while he sleeps on top of me? To hear his sweet voice in the morning when he starts singing to himself as he wakes up? To hear him say "good morning mommy" in a little whisper when he realizes that I'm awake, too?

                          All of this is *so precious* and *so temporary*. I feel no need to rush him off into his own bedroom. I feel no need to rush him off to full time school and activities and overnight parties. I feel no need to rush him off to high school and college. It will happen -- in it's own time, in due time.

                          UNtil then, I"m just going to enjoy the heck out of our little boy. I'm going to love him and keep him healthy and let him decide when he's ready for his bed and his room and more overnight parties and so on. UNtil then, I'll enjoy what we have. And when we get there, I'll enjoy that too -- because that's part of being a parent. . . watching your little person grow into a full fledged adult able to care for themselves and willing to go out there and use their talents to help others in the world.

                          "Babies don't keep" and children don't either.

                          And my MIL was a bit put out, but she agreed. No need to push him out, he'll be out on his own soon enough.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by Derpamix View Post
                            I sleep on the floor, or alternatively, I sleep on a Japanese futon. My posture is way better, and I sleep better, too. Mattresses don't seem all that normal or comfortable anymore.

                            You seem pretty stressed, op, I think you should lighten up and get some ear plugs and cherish your daughter instead of referring to her as a parasite.
                            I took that comment as a joke, personally. babies are rather parasitic if you are doing the whole 'attachment/natural' parent thing. I mean, DS was held basically 24/7 until he got into crawling, and then he was held or crawled. and he was breastfed "on demand" (that is, whenever he wanted), which was a lot because he liked to "comfort nurse" (use me as a pacifier), and I did baby wearing, so he was basically "on me" all the time. This is also biologically appropriate -- btw.

                            So, you know, all of that intense closeness that a mom might do. . . yeah. . . the baby seems parasitic. But, it's a common joke among parents, so I took it this way. also that the op is really tired and frustrated, so it's a sort of "angry joke" in a way. Not mean or anything.

                            Also, seeing as he has a teen, it may have been that child #1 was early-parented differently than this one, and it's not what he expected and mom's asserting her needs as a parent and mother in terms of what she feels is right and best for the baby (and for her -- and this can be really good for some moms and babies, whereas for others, it's not good) -- and he might have a tough go of that. A lot of dads do. I mean, he goes form being center of attention husband to being second fiddle guy who lives with a mother-baby dyad -- which is a seriously intense relationship, I assure you -- and now he's getting kicked out of his own bed/bedroom because mother/baby dyad need to sleep together? Super annoying experience of total displacement. Add to that being absolutely zombie tired (i totally remember), yeah. . . no doubt this guy is frayed and frazzled.

                            Also, another alternative not mentioned yet is that Dad can have "his" bedroom and mother/baby dyad can do a thai massage mat in the lounge -- being close to the ground, it'll be very safe for them, baby can't roll off more than 2 inches.

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                            • #29
                              Oh, I didn't understand I just thought that if he did see it that way, and was stressed cause of it, having a more relaxed and different mindset might help him sleep better. Ear plugs are essential too, especially if you're a light sleeper like I am.

                              What you said makes sense though, and no doubt early parenting(and, well, parenting in general) is very stressful.
                              Make America Great Again

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                No doubt. If he did feel that way about the kiddo, then a change of mindset would make a huge difference.

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