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How do you know if you should break up with someone?

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  • #31
    Even the best breakups are sad. I was divorced last year after nearly 20 years of marriage. The relationship as a marriage was over for a variety of reasons that are too long to go into. We still have an excellent relationship as friends now. But I still cry and it still hurts really badly on occasion when I think about what I lost. Like others have said, doesn't matter if it's a good thing or not, break-ups just hurt.

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    • #32
      Originally posted by Legbiter View Post
      If the guy ain't giving you vag tingles, he's obviously a controlling loser, you deserve the best blablabla, go collect cash & prizes and start sleeping with Mr Anthony.
      This plan of action gets the Mr.Anthony Seal of Approval.

      Sent via F-22 Raptor

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      • #33
        Originally posted by Mr. Anthony View Post
        This plan of action gets the Mr.Anthony Seal of Approval.

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        • #34
          Well, it sure is hard to follow the last two posts... but I thought I'd offer more random-interwebs-stranger advice. I was in a similar situation but questioning for different reasons. 7 years. It was good - but not all that lovey-dovey movie romance stuff. In my gut I kind of knew that I really probably *could* be happier. He wasn't abusive, he was kind, we had a stable, boring life. Long story short, I left. For the worst, shittiest reason one can - I met someone else - and I didn't handle it well. BUT (here is the important point)... I ended up meeting the most wonderful, amazing, soul-mate like person I think I ever could meet (through Match, by the way). We have been married for almost a year now and together for almost 4. The feelings I have for him and way he makes me feel are *nothing* like that 7 year relationship. This is how love is supposed to feel. So, my advice is that if your overall feeling is doubt, go with it. It probably isn't right. Go to CA, find some paleo-eating, crossfitting, organic farmer to call your own

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          • #35
            Originally posted by Mr. Anthony View Post
            This plan of action gets the Mr.Anthony Seal of Approval.

            Sent via F-22 Raptor
            Originally posted by Legbiter View Post
            Lol, dudes, this was a serious thread!

            Thanks, everyone else for all the advice. I think everyone agrees that leaving is the right thing to do, and I think I know it as well. It is still hard, and the fact that I'm not actually going to move for another month makes it worse. But I'm going to call the Door to Door person today to reserve the shipping container for my stuff, and then I'm going to buy that one-way ticket to CA.

            Oh, yeah, and I'm going to tell my boss that I'm leaving before the end of the week. Baby steps, you know.

            You know what's weird? Last night, my bf behaved like nothing has happened. Our interactions were completely normal, which was kind of disconcerting. I'm going to have to bring it up again tonight. I know he's going on a business trip to London next month, and I think the best time for me to pack and move my stuff would be while he's gone. So I'm going to have to find out exactly when he's going to be gone.

            My journal

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            • #36
              maybe he reads the forums
              "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

              Jack london, "Before Adam"

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              • #37
                Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
                maybe he reads the forums
                Uh, I hope not. But why would he act normal if he reads the forums?

                My journal

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                • #38
                  Bc he's trying to play it cool and not look all foolish and sad and shit, and knows it's not worth arguing with you. Especially if he's going to London soon- he can just register an account and PM you lol
                  "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

                  Jack london, "Before Adam"

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                  • #39
                    Uh, I really hope not. Too much personal stuff on here.

                    My journal

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                    • #40
                      You described him as emotionally insecure, ie controlling. He isn't going to change and become emotionally secure for your sake.
                      Would I be putting a grain-feed cow on a fad diet if I took it out of the feedlot and put it on pasture eating the grass nature intended?

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                      • #41
                        Is it at all possible that the reason he said "ok I understand" and is acting nonchalant about it is because he secretly wants the breakup too? Or is he just that bad at communicating that a few words are all he can manage?

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                        • #42
                          Unfortunately, I really don't think that he wants to break up.

                          We don't really communicate very well, and I think acting normal is just a way to avoid having to deal with it. When I saw that he was acting normal, I acted normal as well. So, you know, we wouldn't have to deal with it.

                          My journal

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                          • #43
                            You know what's weird? Last night, my bf behaved like nothing has happened. Our interactions were completely normal, which was kind of disconcerting. I'm going to have to bring it up again tonight. I know he's going on a business trip to London next month, and I think the best time for me to pack and move my stuff would be while he's gone. So I'm going to have to find out exactly when he's going to be gone.
                            My husband is moving out in a couple of weeks after a year of trying various things to keep it together. He is also acting like nothing happened - hasn't started packing or talking about it, still calling me honey - it's weird. I think he won't face up to it until he is actual on his way out the door. Which should be easier but seems eerily calm to me.

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                            • #44
                              Hey Zanna--Sorry about your troubles! Yeah, acting like nothing happened is weird, but I guess it's better than the alternative? I guess I'm not sure how you're supposed to act under these circumstances. Oy, life is complicated!

                              My journal

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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by Zanna View Post
                                My husband is moving out in a couple of weeks after a year of trying various things to keep it together. He is also acting like nothing happened - hasn't started packing or talking about it, still calling me honey - it's weird. I think he won't face up to it until he is actual on his way out the door. Which should be easier but seems eerily calm to me.
                                An ex who lived with me once upon a time did the same thing when I asked her to move out of my condo. I just bit my tongue, brought empty copy paper boxes home from work and left them in/near the bedroom (I was sleeping up in the loft), and every so often asked how her search for a new apartment was going. Just stayed calm but made it clear that she did really have to move out on the agreed-upon date. And she did.
                                The Champagne of Beards

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