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How do you know if you should break up with someone?

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  • #16
    Originally posted by diene View Post
    Never been to Memphis, but I probably won't like it. I don't actually like that many places outside of CA. Austin, TX is the only other place I can think of that I kinda liked, and some places in Washington and Oregon (but the Pacific Northwest is kinda similar to Northern CA).

    But NJ is close--I'm in Philly. So it's only slightly better than Jersey, I think.
    Much of Jersey is actually pleasant, clean, full of small farms and beautiful open spaces (it is the Garden State, you know).

    Originally posted by diene View Post
    So what is this technique meant to accomplish? I think the female would only get very angry if she wanted him to try to persuade her otherwise, but the fact that he didn't made her angry. I was expecting him to argue or say something else that would piss me off. I guess I was kinda hoping that he would do something to piss me off so it would strengthen my resolve. But him being understanding and all just made me sad...
    Yeah, it's easier to be attracted to someone who isn't showing that much interest in being with you.

    Originally posted by diene View Post
    I don't go out a lot without him, but there are times when I want to go out without him. This is because the dynamics of things are different when he's there. Him being there makes it hard for me to socialize. Either he doesn't engage with the other people, and then he's bored and wants to leave after five minutes, or he dominates the conversation and no one else can have a conversation.

    There are also times when I just want to hang out with a close friend alone. So we can talk about things that you talk about when you're alone with a close friend. I don't know if this makes sense, but I think it's pretty normal.
    Normal. Ditch him.
    The Champagne of Beards

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    • #17
      I just registered on this forum and saw this as the first post! What does this have to do with a primal lifestyle??? lol

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      • #18
        Well..."Primal" is as you say, a lifestyle, and as such, is lived by people many of whom are interested in or affected by a great range of things not necessarily primal, and thus, "off topic."
        "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

        Jack london, "Before Adam"

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        • #19
          Originally posted by diene View Post
          But NJ is close--I'm in Philly. So it's only slightly better than Jersey, I think.
          awesome. I live just over the river in NJ.

          You should definitely, if still in the area in october, come out to the march against monsanto!

          Does your man like to spar at all? When the moon is full (tomorrow!) we get together in the neighborhood for such lupine reveling.
          "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

          Jack london, "Before Adam"

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          • #20
            Originally posted by diene View Post



            I don't go out a lot without him, but there are times when I want to go out without him. This is because the dynamics of things are different when he's there. Him being there makes it hard for me to socialize. Either he doesn't engage with the other people, and then he's bored and wants to leave after five minutes, or he dominates the conversation and no one else can have a conversation.

            There are also times when I just want to hang out with a close friend alone. So we can talk about things that you talk about when you're alone with a close friend. I don't know if this makes sense, but I think it's pretty normal.
            It is normal to want to be an autonomous being. Hubby and I will have our 20th anniversary next month and neither one of us would ever dream of not allowing the other to have our separate friends. We have a lot in common but we are not clones and besides it would get pretty boring if we did everything together.
            Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.

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            • #21
              It sounds like you're just making excuses to stay in the same old now. You want out. He's ok with it. You want to leave the east. Now that you can do all of the above you're fighting with yourself to stay when you know it's doomed? Why?
              F 28/5'4/100 lbs

              "I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high-functioning sociopath; do your research."

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              • #22
                Originally posted by lelion View Post
                I just registered on this forum and saw this as the first post! What does this have to do with a primal lifestyle??? lol
                mental well-being is very primal, if the lady is unhappy shes stressed and not getting maximum play value and its in odds n ends!
                When I'd had enough of the grain and starched based 'diabetic eating for health' diet (eating for health, my ass!) my weight was 242.5 lbs. On starting primal- 18th April 2013 weight : 238.1.
                27th July 2013. weight after 100 days 136.9 weight lost 101.2lb ; that's 105.6lbs since I stopped the 'diabetic eating for health'
                new journal http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...ml#post1264082

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                • #23
                  Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
                  awesome. I live just over the river in NJ.

                  You should definitely, if still in the area in october, come out to the march against monsanto!

                  Does your man like to spar at all? When the moon is full (tomorrow!) we get together in the neighborhood for such lupine reveling.
                  If I'm still around in October, I'll definitely check out the march.

                  Do you guys also turn into werewolves? I don't think my bf would be into that. I have a hard time getting him to work out.

                  Originally posted by Urban Forager View Post
                  It is normal to want to be an autonomous being. Hubby and I will have our 20th anniversary next month and neither one of us would ever dream of not allowing the other to have our separate friends. We have a lot in common but we are not clones and besides it would get pretty boring if we did everything together.
                  Do you think his control issues can be fixed? This is the first relationship I've ever been in where this has been an issue.

                  I guess there are no votes for the "try to fix it" option.

                  You guys are probably right. Since a couple people pointed out that I had left out the things that I like about my bf, I was thinking about it. And I guess I was thinking about it too hard/taking too long, and I suddenly realized that it should not be that hard to come up with things that I like about him. I mean, I came up with a few things: (1) he's a libertarian (but this is silly cuz he's not the only libertarian guy I've ever been with), (2) he can be pretty funny sometimes (makes me laugh), (3) we have similar tastes in food (this is kinda important to me cuz I really like to cook and eat food)...that's about it. Everything else I came up with has to do with the length of time we've been together--oh, we've been together for so long, there are so many memories, there were/are definitely a lot of good times too, it would be so sad for it to end, I can't believe I'm ending it...

                  My journal

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by diene View Post


                    Do you think his control issues can be fixed? This is the first relationship I've ever been in where this has been an issue.
                    NO. It's good that it's your first relationship with someone who has control issues, let it be the only one. Lesson learned move on. There are some things that aren't going to get better with therapy. If he has a problem with you hanging out with your friends all the therapy in the world isn't going to change that.
                    Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by diene View Post
                      If I'm still around in October, I'll definitely check out the march.

                      Do you guys also turn into werewolves? I don't think my bf would be into that. I have a hard time getting him to work out.

                      That's secret lore reserved for the veteran participants :x

                      Kinda though- my intent in starting such an event was to increase the intensity of participants' biology.

                      For example- last month we had a gentle soul kinda guy come out, who you can't imagine even making a fist. Today he is out buying a mouthguard and is going to throw his hat in tomorrow.

                      Our woman custom is to bare and decorate your belly button, but only my wife follows it with any dedication- some girls cite self-consciousness.
                      "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

                      Jack london, "Before Adam"

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Best to leave and make a clean break now I think. I didn't reply sooner because I don't have neutral perspective with this sort of thing, my ex was horribly controlling but it took me a long time to find the courage to leave. I realise though-you don't need neutral perspective, experience is valid and useful too.
                        People who control in relationships don't change (can't?), and a controlling relationship can never be any more than ok in my opinion. More usually, you will end up resenting and hating him. It sounds like you have made your decision anyway, asking here is simply looking for reassurance you are doing the right thing you don't need that, but it's completely normal to want it.
                        Hope your move goes smoothly

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                        • #27
                          Originally posted by diene View Post
                          Everything else I came up with has to do with the length of time we've been together--oh, we've been together for so long, there are so many memories, there were/are definitely a lot of good times too, it would be so sad for it to end, I can't believe I'm ending it...
                          Even doing the right things can sometimes make you sad, that doesn't mean they're not the right things. Breaking up IS hard to do, it's not just a silly song... Hugs to you kid.
                          Last edited by excursivey; 08-20-2013, 11:16 AM. Reason: Typo
                          Breathe. Move forward.

                          I just eat what I want...

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                          • #28
                            People can change over time, but it's slow, usually. And it sounds like you have some fundamental issues with the BF that aren't going to go away. Controlling people don't tend to change. They may lighten up some, but they remain controlling. Do you want to always have to ask permission and answer 20 questions when you want to go out with friends? Do you want to be taken for granted re cleaning and cooking? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like he said the one thing he knew he needed to say to get you to reconsider and now you are. It's actually pretty common for controlling people to also be rather manipulative. You weren't happy before, you won't be happy now. Move back to CA would be my advice.
                            High Weight: 225
                            Weight at start of Primal: 189
                            Current Weight: 174
                            Goal Weight: 130

                            Primal Start Date: 11/26/2012

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                            • #29
                              If the guy ain't giving you vag tingles, he's obviously a controlling loser, you deserve the best blablabla, go collect cash & prizes and start sleeping with Mr Anthony.

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                              • #30
                                How do you know if you should break up with someone?
                                1. The sound of his voice makes you dig your fingernails into your palms to keep from punching him in the face even when he's only saying, "Good morning."

                                2. You'd rather clean out the bathtub than have sex with him.

                                3. You do passive-agressive things like "accidentally" putting in a red garment with all his whites, so all his clothes turn pink.

                                4. When you cook dinner for him, you keep fantasizing that it's his head in the oven.

                                5. You start realizing that the only reason you've stayed this long is that you love his dog/cat.

                                6. He tells you a joke, and you just want to poke him in the eye with a stick.

                                There are many more, depending on the situation, but that's a start.
                                "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

                                B*tch-lite

                                Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

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