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Does anyone else feel like they don't fit in anywhere?

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  • Does anyone else feel like they don't fit in anywhere?

    That would be me. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm 33 yrs old and have only a few friends. Out of my friends from high school, I'm the only one that's married with kids, so when I do talk to them, it's kinda awkward b/c they are partying, and I'm changing diapers. Not much in common anymore.
    Of my friends now, everyone seems to be homeschooling, and I'm not, so when we all get together, they talk about that, and I'm left there in silence.
    I stay at home with my girls, so there's no adult interaction except for my husband at night.
    I have no real hobbies, except sewing, but even that drives me crazy. I haven't found my niche in life yet, so it feels like I'm aimlessly living.
    And now that I've started eating primal, I'm considered the weird hippy b/c I eat healthy food. Sigh.
    My town is small, so there really isn't anywhere to meet new people. I'm not confident enough to say "Screw you!" if people are different than me. If I could be a hermit for life, I probably would be, but I do crave some friendship once in awhile.

    I guess I feel lonely today. Rant over.

    ETA: The person I consider my best friend lives about 800 miles away and we only phone each other every few months. She is a Mexican Mennonite, so they tend to live simply, grow gardens, sew everything, raise animals, etc. I was her English teacher and we instantly connected and formed a deep bond. I really wish we could live close to each other! I miss her so much.
    Last edited by blondiegreen; 08-07-2013, 10:21 AM.
    Needing some accountability, so here's my stats:
    34yrs old, 5'5"
    CW: 163lbs (07/2014)
    GW: 135lbs or less
    Eating mainly paleo, but including a bit of white rice (don't call the Paleo Police!)

  • #2
    It is 2013, the small town excuse doesn't work for anything except getting laid. As you develop interests in what interests *you* there are communities all over the internet.

    Even though I live in a relatively large city, the majority of my closest friends I met on the internet (because interests are going to trump geography, even in a city, so I think it is reasonable that the chances you are going to find something that really excites you amongst the people around you in a small town is teensy tinsey). I was lucky because for a while I had a job on the road, so I actually got to meet a lot of my online friends IRL and stay in their houses and all in all the interwebz has been very good to me.
    “In God we trust; all others must bring data.” W. Edwards Deming
    Blogging at http://loafingcactus.com

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    • #3
      Sorry to hear. I kindof understand what you mean. My "problem" is the opposite. I'm only a couple of years older than you, but my one child is a teenager now. Most of my friends (and I don't really have that many, which I'm perfectly fine with) have much younger and more children. I oftentimes find myself not having much in common with most of my friends these days.

      I fill my time with work, exercise, house work, long walks, music, books. My work keeps me pretty busy, though.

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      • #4
        Primal Fuel

        That would be me. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm 33 yrs old and have only a few friends. Out of my friends from high school, I'm the only one that's married with kids, so when I do talk to them, it's kinda awkward b/c they are partying, and I'm changing diapers. Not much in common anymore.
        Of my friends now, everyone seems to be homeschooling, and I'm not, so when we all get together, they talk about that, and I'm left there in silence.
        I stay at home with my girls, so there's no adult interaction except for my husband at night.
        I have no real hobbies, except sewing, but even that drives me crazy. I haven't found my niche in life yet, so it feels like I'm aimlessly living.
        And now that I've started eating primal, I'm considered the weird hippy b/c I eat healthy food. Sigh.
        My town is small, so there really isn't anywhere to meet new people. I'm not confident enough to say "Screw you!" if people are different than me. If I could be a hermit for life, I probably would be, but I do crave some friendship once in awhile.

        I guess I feel lonely today. Rant over.
        I am going through something similar- not quite social-relations related, but, this part . I haven't found my niche in life yet, so it feels like I'm aimlessly living."

        I call it a "yet-life crisis."

        I don't have kids though.

        I have a lot of "friends" in a sense that others define the term, but I find them to be mostly tedious, because they are not my equals in most dimensions that I consider important. So it's kind of like having a lot of little brothers and sisters.
        "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

        Jack london, "Before Adam"

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
          I call it a "yet-life crisis."

          I don't have kids though.

          I have a lot of "friends" in a sense that others define the term, but I find them to be mostly tedious, because they are not my equals in most dimensions that I consider important. So it's kind of like having a lot of little brothers and sisters.
          Yeah, superiority must be tedious.
          The Champagne of Beards

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          • #6
            Im gonna yawn right through that. Some people here know what I am talking about and have this problem also. The people I know are so emotionally invested in this or that bullshit; it is childish, like playing pretend.

            I often say that I know a lot of teachers, and students, but few peers.
            "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

            Jack london, "Before Adam"

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
              Im gonna yawn right through that. Some people here know what I am talking about and have this problem also. The people I know are so emotionally invested in this or that bullshit; it is childish, like playing pretend.

              I often say that I know a lot of teachers, and students, but few peers.
              You are justifying yourself to a stranger on a random Internet message board: the proof is in the thing.

              There are of course numerous examples of how boooogus the superiourist isolation argument is, one of the best I think is David Foster Wallace's account of how he spent 9/11. If a genius like that can find community in ordinary people, then the arguement for not being able to cannot be one's own relatively insignificant genius.
              “In God we trust; all others must bring data.” W. Edwards Deming
              Blogging at http://loafingcactus.com

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
                I have a lot of "friends" in a sense that others define the term, but I find them to be mostly tedious, because they are not my equals in most dimensions that I consider important. So it's kind of like having a lot of little brothers and sisters.
                +1
                I thought this was just in my head and I was the only one that felt this way.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by blondiegreen View Post
                  If I could be a hermit for life, I probably would be, but I do crave some friendship once in awhile.

                  I guess I feel lonely today. Rant over.
                  Let it out honey -- I hear you. And feel similarly. Your best friend sounds almost primal-ish! I had no idea Mennonite had been adopted by Mexican heritage families... must have sprung from early missionaries?

                  “you aren't what you eat - you are what you don't poop.” Wavy Gravy

                  Today I am Fillyjonk. Tommorow I will be Snufkin.

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                  • #10
                    She is German Mennonite, but way back when they all emigrated to Mexico. A lot of them leave Mexico to find work in the US or Canada. Before Canada she had lived in Kansas.
                    They are primal-ish, but they do love their tortillas and sweets!
                    Needing some accountability, so here's my stats:
                    34yrs old, 5'5"
                    CW: 163lbs (07/2014)
                    GW: 135lbs or less
                    Eating mainly paleo, but including a bit of white rice (don't call the Paleo Police!)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      You are justifying yourself to a stranger on a random Internet message board: the proof is in the thing.
                      well. we are having a discussion. There is an implicit back-and-forth; see how another user, because I am sharing my own feelings, commented that she feels the same way?

                      There are of course numerous examples of how boooogus the superiourist isolation argument is, one of the best I think is David Foster Wallace's account of how he spent 9/11. If a genius like that can find community in ordinary people,
                      that isn't what I said; why do you imagine I have a lot of friends around me, if not because I find community in ordinary people? I said that it gets tedious, because they are not as developed. It creates a feeling of obligation to develop them, or, suffer their dullness perpetually.
                      "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

                      Jack london, "Before Adam"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        The important part of forming a nice bond with people is to take an interest in what they do, even if it is not something you are interested in yourself. I have great friends who are in to art, pottery or triathlons. I had no interest in any of those things, but I learn about it through them. The opposite is true as well, they have no interest in dogs or primal eating or reading, but they are invested in my life and learn about those things through me.

                        Don't wait for a person to do something you think has value, find value in what they do because they are your friends.

                        I have a very good friend I just make a couple of years ago. Her major hobby is baking decadent cakes and eating in nice restaurants. But she is a great person that I love hanging out with. Over time, she's become a sort of paleo convert and now we cook amazing paleo meals together and she is perfecting the perfect paleo breads

                        I think the idea that friendships form when you have a lot in common is a bit of a myth. If your core values are in line, then the other stuff is not too important.
                        Using low lectin/nightshade free primal to control autoimmune arthritis. (And lost 50 lbs along the way )

                        http://www.krispin.com/lectin.html

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                        • #13
                          I know how you feel.

                          My best friends from high school are still friends but I don't feel I have enough in common with them to nurture the friendships anymore. They have kids, houses, live this idealized American lifestyle. I never had children, have never owned a house and do adventurous things now and then. When we get together I have zero interest in talking about kid stuff but that's all they talk about. They have zero interest in the things in my life. So while we have the past in common, there's not enough in the present to form a relationship around. I feel as lonely visiting them as I do just staying home. It seems worst when it's got something to do with children. Whoever they were before is obliterated.

                          I have acquaintances, but not really close friends. That's okay. Maybe not super fulfilling, but it is very hard to find people with similar interests if your life doesn't follow "the script."

                          Internet communities aren't really real. Until I actually meet the person in real life, they're little more than just avatars and usernames to me. When I meet them in real life and they die in real life, I feel a sense of loss. But not until they are there in real life first.

                          It can be hard to find others with the same interests. Last summer I got to meet an Internet friend in real life (well, I had met him once in real life before I met him on the Internet) and I learned we shared a common interest about our diets. We had the best time talking about it. It was wonderful to feel like finally I'm not so weird, finally someone has been through what I've been through. I know people here feel the same things, but it's not the same.

                          I've wished I could find similar relationships for other things, like my tattoos or my hiking. Even within my hiking community I'm sort of an outcast.

                          Anyway, I know how you feel.
                          Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                          • #14
                            I know what you mean. Sometimes a real-life, in person friendship is deeply craved. I know I crave one. I have a plethora of online friends and acquaintances, but no in-person friends outside of my family. I did join Meetup, to meet other people with similar interests, but it depends on how small a town you live in as to whether Meetup is active there or not. You could check.
                            High Weight: 225
                            Weight at start of Primal: 189
                            Current Weight: 174
                            Goal Weight: 130

                            Primal Start Date: 11/26/2012

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                            • #15
                              OP, isn't there something in your area on meetup.com that you might be interested in?

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