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Does anyone else feel like they don't fit in anywhere?

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  • #31
    Originally posted by SophieScreams View Post
    Very timely rant/post. I'm seeing that I need some new friends, and my family is better left at arm's distance. It's pretty isolating being a non-mother at 33, as most of my HS friends have tons of kids, some of them teens now. And every new woman I meet is busy mothering or nesting. Or she's partying her ass off because she's 22 years old. So, I'm not "adult" enough for the moms, and too "old" for the non-moms.

    I don't really have any advice, just wanted you to know that you're not alone.
    They say that she who has even one close friend is richer than she with a thousand casual acquaintances.
    I get in to this bind too. The vast majority of my good friends now have children. ONe or two don't but they live in other states now. I don't have kids, although I worked as a nanny for several years and did massive amounts of child care for my family, so I get a tiny bit of credibility with the parents.

    I spent most of my 20s-30s very ill, so now i'm healthy(er) and feel like kicking it up and living a little, but it feels ridiculous to do that at 39!!
    Using low lectin/nightshade free primal to control autoimmune arthritis. (And lost 50 lbs along the way )

    http://www.krispin.com/lectin.html

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    • #32
      Originally posted by jammies View Post
      I spent most of my 20s-30s very ill, so now i'm healthy(er) and feel like kicking it up and living a little, but it feels ridiculous to do that at 39!!
      That's just in your head, age is just a number, as you should know being fitter now than you were before, and to paraphrase an old saying, "Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you'll prove yourself right"!

      How old would you feel if you didn't happen to know the number in years?

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      • #33
        Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
        I am going through something similar- not quite social-relations related, but, this part . I haven't found my niche in life yet, so it feels like I'm aimlessly living."

        I call it a "yet-life crisis."

        I don't have kids though.

        I have a lot of "friends" in a sense that others define the term, but I find them to be mostly tedious, because they are not my equals in most dimensions that I consider important. So it's kind of like having a lot of little brothers and sisters.
        Same here. My job this, money that, this product, that product, and they're so indoctrinated that they can't even focus on everything else that is going on outside their "lives". I tried to tell a friend that, and they ended up lashing out and denying it while contradicting themselves at every turn. It was funny, yet really sad at the same time. The only thing I even asked was "do you really think you need this?" and "are you really happy working your entire life to buy these things you can't even justify buying?"
        Make America Great Again

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        • #34
          I spent most of my twenties feeling like I just didn't fit in anywhere... I think we all do at some stage. I think it's a problem that comes with our modern lives. In lucid moments I really think I'd like living in a commune or something. To me it's the closest to tribal life. Back in the tribal days we had a sense of community and togetherness and feeling like an important cog in the wheel. These days our social groups are shattered and spread all over the globe. I love the choices I have, but we pay a steep price don't we?

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          • #35
            Originally posted by Aingealag View Post
            Back in the tribal days we had a sense of community and togetherness and feeling like an important cog in the wheel.
            The price for that was lack of freedom in almost every area... it's probably non-primal to an extreme, but I prefer the relative freedoms and anonymity of modern big-city life, not having everyone know everything about me and then having an opinion on it, and all that small-town gossipy judgemental BS.

            It's still possible to feel important, if you do something with your life that makes you feel good, but you're not dragged down so much by the weaknesses of the others in your tibe, nor expected to "know your place" or anything.

            JMO.

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            • #36
              Hi there. I too am from Saskatchewan, although I could be your Mom

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              • #37
                Originally posted by Lady D View Post
                The price for that was lack of freedom in almost every area... it's probably non-primal to an extreme, but I prefer the relative freedoms and anonymity of modern big-city life, not having everyone know everything about me and then having an opinion on it, and all that small-town gossipy judgemental BS.

                It's still possible to feel important, if you do something with your life that makes you feel good, but you're not dragged down so much by the weaknesses of the others in your tibe, nor expected to "know your place" or anything.

                JMO.
                You just need to find a tribe of people who aren't judgmental and full of BS and who wouldn't think that anyone needs to "know their place."

                My journal

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                • #38
                  Doesn't exist. Human nature precludes co-existence without division trends. Hence, expressions like 'terrarium of soul mates' in art, rivalries and back-stabbing in science, cheating and hatred in athletic teams, shooting in the back in the army, school cliques... all the way down to wars over whatever. Anywhere humans congregate, they exclude, it doesn't matter if it male only, female only or mixed groups. Fora development is one of the perfect examples, for flame wars sprout up on every topic imaginable and fracturation into groups. Part of being in the community is alternating between acceptance by one of the groups within it, to being a misfit to being actively ostracized.

                  Creating one's own world is more productive than searching for an external world to fit in.
                  My Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread57916.html
                  When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.

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                  • #39
                    Originally posted by jammies View Post
                    I spent most of my 20s-30s very ill, so now i'm healthy(er) and feel like kicking it up and living a little, but it feels ridiculous to do that at 39!!
                    In ten years you'll book at 39 as young. I'm 45. And it's only in the last year that I feel like I'm started on the path toward the person I want to be. The way I see it, the up-to-this-point me was created by my parents, my upbringing, environment, etc...Now I'm trying to make a me that's created by me. Hope that doesn't sound like gibberish.

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by ebrady98
                      Blah. I hear you - except, I'm 15. I just feel so distanced from everyone, like I can't connect to them: we're talking, and I'm not hearing anything.

                      It's hard. I used to be so...content? And as I progress through my teens, I lose a little bit of optimism every day. Though I suppose that's just teen angst or whatever.

                      Today is one of those "what's the point in anything, i'd rather be dead' kinda days.
                      Sorry kiddo but it's all down hill from 15 onwards.

                      Nah. The best is yet to come, don't worry...teen years were kinda fun, but the twenties are good years

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                      • #41
                        OP, i think it's normal to feel like this...i know at different times in my life i have felt like i really didn't fit in anywhere. I truly think self-esteem plays a big role in this. Before, I wanted to fit in, but now i'm glad I don't Though I do think my trying to fit in did help me realize things, so i am glad i tried it.
                        I only have a few friends that i can truly call close friends...and that is enough for me. I do have tons of 'friends'...people that I know through different parts of my life, but in actuality, i just say a casual hello if i see them in person or on FB.
                        As for that you don't have real hobbies...well, isn't there something you want to do? Do you want to play music, paint, be a bug collector, etc? You say you haven't found your niche in life yet...well I'm telling you don't wait for it to fall in your lap...actively think about something you want to try, and give it a try! I think it's great that you have your kids and your husband. In the end, family is the most important. If I was you, I would make an effort to plan family trips/vacations to somewhere new, this will also teach your kids to meet people...meeting new people is tough especially at first, but the more you practice, the better you get and the easier it becomes.

                        Originally posted by jammies View Post
                        I have a very good friend I just make a couple of years ago. Her major hobby is baking decadent cakes and eating in nice restaurants. But she is a great person that I love hanging out with. Over time, she's become a sort of paleo convert and now we cook amazing paleo meals together and she is perfecting the perfect paleo breads

                        I think the idea that friendships form when you have a lot in common is a bit of a myth. If your core values are in line, then the other stuff is not too important.
                        I agree with this

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                        • #42
                          Meh, I'm 34... I go to work and home and work again. I lift or go to a group boot camp style class for a while and thats my big "Me Time" activities. I dunno, I have to deal with people all day long so I really am not interested in socializing after work. I'm perfectly fine as a home body. Actually prefer it in many cases. All my buddies from college live 2+ hours away, which is fine. I see em a couple times a year. I'm enjoying spending my free time with my kids and being "the cool dad". Trampoline jumping, wrestling around, park time, trail walks, we plant trees gardens and bushes, I have a garage I'm remodeling, an acre of yard to keep.... all that stuff.

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                          • #43
                            Same here. My job this, money that, this product, that product, and they're so indoctrinated that they can't even focus on everything else that is going on outside their "lives". I tried to tell a friend that, and they ended up lashing out and denying it while contradicting themselves at every turn. It was funny, yet really sad at the same time. The only thing I even asked was "do you really think you need this?" and "are you really happy working your entire life to buy these things you can't even justify buying?"
                            I stopped having that conversation with people, because, in my experience, that is what makes women happy*, and the men who buy into it are too sad to allow in my presence, as it cramps my style and diminishes my reputation.


                            * probably not in a natural state, but I am not yet developed enough in my rhetoric nor imposing enough in my phsyique for my message to penetrate Disney's implanting of princess fantasies from the time the ego was born: every girl imagined that she was a princess for the first 8 years of her ego-life, and then people act like it's strange that we still uphold obsolete hierarchical structures with our suffering
                            "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

                            Jack london, "Before Adam"

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                            • #44
                              The last time I tried to have that conversation, I pointed out to a dear friend (my wife's maid-of-honor) that she was advertising with every free space on her body, like a Nascar driver. Her shoes had to conform to this, her ankle had some gimmicky thing happening, her pants, her purse, her t-shirt, her sunglasses, her necklace, her bracelets- all of it was just advertising corny shit for people that literally plot how to destroy her psyche in order to sell her more counterfeit remedy.

                              I was mostly talking to myself though, because she bows her head into her i-phone now every 45 seconds, and tunes me out lol
                              "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

                              Jack london, "Before Adam"

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                              • #45
                                Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
                                I stopped having that conversation with people, because, in my experience, that is what makes women happy*, and the men who buy into it are too sad to allow in my presence, as it cramps my style and diminishes my reputation.


                                * probably not in a natural state, but I am not yet developed enough in my rhetoric nor imposing enough in my phsyique for my message to penetrate Disney's implanting of princess fantasies from the time the ego was born: every girl imagined that she was a princess for the first 8 years of her ego-life, and then people act like it's strange that we still uphold obsolete hierarchical structures with our suffering
                                I actually posted about this same thing in another thread ranting about feminists. It wasn't received well.
                                Make America Great Again

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