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  • Originally posted by Kochin View Post
    I find people are uncomfortable around me when I'm in "confident mode". If I feel good about myself, others in the street often look to the ground instead of meeting my eyes, males check me out, speak awkwardly and/or try and appear more "masculine" and I feel I'm a combination of avoided and admired. When I'm feeling a little insecure, quiet or in pain, people react like I see them react to anyone else.
    I know I have body dysmorphia. I know what I see in the mirror is not what others see and that my idea of what my body looks like changes every day. So I don't worry much about what I look like and what others think I look like. When they see me with my head up, meet my eyes and immediately look at the pavement, continually scan my body as though judging, yet not seeming to find flaw, when men watch my hips, breasts, ass and legs regardless of how much or how little I'm wearing and kids and dogs still like me and find me approachable, I find it safe to assume I'm looking awesome. And yet it has more to do with how I carry myself than what my body itself actually LOOKS like.

    People can tell confidence from a mile away. And confidence causes more desire, envy and social anxiety than anyone's image of attractiveness does. You can dismiss skinniness, curviness, muscularity, pretty faces, nice hips... You can even turn them into something to mock (scrawny, tubby, hunky, dolled-up, fat ass...). You can't dismiss confidence. Annoyingly, the catch is that, to become confident, you have to dismiss your personal idea of attractiveness and dismiss any concerns about social judgement. Which few people can easily do.
    I think you hit the nail on the head. Confidence is sexy, so is happiness, and looking healthy. Besides happy people are so much more fun to be around than angry hungry people.

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    • Originally posted by drssgchic View Post
      What?! Thighs are supposed to be bigger than calves! (And knees are not supposed to be the thickest part of your leg *shudder*)
      This made me all paranoid so I had to go measure that my thighs are indeed larger than my calves. I am happy to report that I am not a Prepubescent-looking woman. Whew!



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      • So would it be too creepy to make canio6's version of thigh gap a valid health marker? I'm considering a new line of work in statistical analysis of correlation between thigh gap and oh about a million things (fertility, vitality, diabetes, cancer....this could be my lifes work!!!)

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        • Originally posted by Neckhammer View Post
          So would it be too creepy to make canio6's version of thigh gap a valid health marker? I'm considering a new line of work in statistical analysis of correlation between thigh gap and oh about a million things (fertility, vitality, diabetes, cancer....this could be my lifes work!!!)
          If nothing else I think there would be a definite correlation between thigh gaps and your job satisfaction.

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          • Originally posted by Neckhammer View Post
            So would it be too creepy to make canio6's version of thigh gap a valid health marker? I'm considering a new line of work in statistical analysis of correlation between thigh gap and oh about a million things (fertility, vitality, diabetes, cancer....this could be my lifes work!!!)
            Does this mean then that I could make my lifes work measuring, oh I don't know, certain 'bits' of a mans body and determining vitality, cancer or virility?! Whatta job that would be! Would that be satisfying? I don't know

            Reminds me of a pic I saw in Life magazine as a kid, that showed a row of shirtless men holding up one arm and a row of matronly women taking a sniff. Apparently it was a test process for a deodorant. My stepdad made a point of noting how the women chosen for the job were non-sexual, almost asexual in appearance.

            “you aren't what you eat - you are what you don't poop.” Wavy Gravy

            Today I am Fillyjonk. Tommorow I will be Snufkin.

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            • Originally posted by spk View Post
              Does this mean then that I could make my lifes work measuring, oh I don't know, certain 'bits' of a mans body and determining vitality, cancer or virility?! Whatta job that would be! Would that be satisfying? I don't know

              Reminds me of a pic I saw in Life magazine as a kid, that showed a row of shirtless men holding up one arm and a row of matronly women taking a sniff. Apparently it was a test process for a deodorant. My stepdad made a point of noting how the women chosen for the job were non-sexual, almost asexual in appearance.
              Older women are supposed to be asexual in our society. There's a lot of pressure for older women not to appear to be trying to be sexy.

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              • Originally posted by eKatherine View Post
                Older women are supposed to be asexual in our society. There's a lot of pressure for older women not to appear to be trying to be sexy.
                Bingo. Close down the farm, shutter the barn doors, not-open-for-business. Bullshit.

                However, if I recall, his observation was that they choose these women whose appearance wouldn't sexualize the process of them testing the deodorant. So as to not offend the sensibilities of the men.

                Or as I choose to think, the only reason he noticed this was because my step parent was an Ass.

                “you aren't what you eat - you are what you don't poop.” Wavy Gravy

                Today I am Fillyjonk. Tommorow I will be Snufkin.

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                • When an older woman is sexy it's pretty hot though. I have a friend who is close to 70 and she dresses in mini-skirts and thigh-high boots with orange chiffon lipstick and the whole deal. Like she's some sexy lady in the 1960s about to go on the Dating Game. She's really hot and pulls it off brilliantly.
                  Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                  • Originally posted by spk View Post
                    Bingo. Close down the farm, shutter the barn doors, not-open-for-business. Bullshit.
                    Ah the irony, now that I'm old enough to really ask for what I want and enjoy it more than ever...
                    Breathe. Move forward.

                    I just eat what I want...

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                    • Originally posted by eKatherine View Post
                      There's a lot of pressure...
                      From who? Fuck them, right? Do what you want. If "society" has a problem with it then that is their problem, not yours.
                      The above should be viewed as complete and utter nonsense.

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                      • So they put this 77-year old guy on the cover of ESPN magazine and it appeared from what little I was able to read of the captions on the tv screens in the gym today that it caused quite a fuss. He's not exactly ripped although I think he looks amazing for a 77-year old. I'm not sure but it seemed they were making remarks that were like back-handed compliments but I can't be certain of that since I was reading only sporadically.

                        It affects men, too, I guess.
                        Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                        • LOL there are billions of people for whom vanity as a concern at 77 is incomprehensible.
                          "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

                          Jack london, "Before Adam"

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                          • I now feel bad for being attracted to thigh gaps.

                            M.

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                            • well well well -- 77 y.o. and naked as a jaybird.

                              Y! SPORTS

                              “you aren't what you eat - you are what you don't poop.” Wavy Gravy

                              Today I am Fillyjonk. Tommorow I will be Snufkin.

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                              • I admit that I thought the original post was an overreaction when this thread first started--as someone who's been heavy all my life, I'd be thrilled if my thighs didn't touch, and might even feel compelled to take a picture of it.

                                But I didn't realize that "thigh gap" was a thing until about Page 3. There's obsessing over a body part, which is creepy enough, and then there's obsessing over ... the spaces between body parts? Wow ...
                                My Blog where I talk about my experiences with improving my health and life
                                (I try to update ... once in awhile)


                                Rimmer - Step up to Red Alert!
                                Kryten - Sir ... are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb.
                                (Red Dwarf)

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