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  • Grief as a stressor- 6 months in?

    Hey all,

    So I've been Primal now for 5 months and loving it- aside from dairy and red wine slip ups on the regular. I've got more sustained energy and less niggly problems- but- just before Christmas my Mum died very suddenly aged 64. It was (is) a massive shock and even this far along I'm still low in energy compared to before. We were super close and she was the most important person in my life.

    I used to do a ton of hot yoga and running, touch rugby, and now I'm struggling to do much at all. Recent attempts at IF haven't ended well.

    Do you think the grief is the underlying cause, that this is just normal or do you think there's something else going on?

    (sorry for the downer of a subject)

  • #2
    I am SO sorry for your loss. I think the grief could definitely be affecting your energy level, especially after only 6 months. I lost my 43 year old husband to a brain tumor about 2 and a half years ago. It definitely threw my exercise routine for a loop. It took about a year before I felt ready to kinda get back on the horse so to speak. Give yourself more time, be kind to yourself. You'll know when you're ready to get back at it harder... Be well.
    Breathe. Move forward.

    I just eat what I want...

    Comment


    • #3
      Oh my gosh- I am so sorry to hear about your husband. [hug] These massive events really make life stop in its tracks. I keep feeling I 'should' be better by now- more back into normal life, routines etc. Thanks.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi Heather,
        I'm so sorry about your mom. I lost my dad last November and yes, it is a stressor. It is going to take a while.

        The thing that I found that helped was just to make a bargain with myself that I will do *something* physically active every day. Doesn't have to be a major workout or a marathon, just get out and go for a walk or do a project in the garden.

        Don't underestimate the power of sunlight on mood also. Getting out for a walk gets all of those things going, Vit D, fresh air, circulation. Keeps you from sinking into the couch.

        Hugs.

        Comment


        • #5
          I'm very sorry for your loss. It's so much harder to lose a parent than anyone is ever prepared for. I felt like it easily took me about three years before I felt normal again. (Not that the shock and pain was so acute for the whole three years, but more that I had to learn how my life and family worked after the loss)

          Grief is a terrible drain on your resources. Do you have any support you can draw on? Sometimes local hospices will have sessions or support groups for dealing with loss. There is a great book called "On grief and grieving" written by a hospice nurse that may help. Also, sometimes a good therapist can help you keep moving forward if you feel stuck.

          Nutrition wise, make sure you are getting liver, bone broth, marrow, and oyster to keep all the micronutrient levels in your body high since you are burning through them quickly now.

          On the other hand it is important to keep in mind that is may not be the grief. I once had a pair of dogs that were incredibly bonded. One died and I was devastated. But my other dog was even worse than me. He moped, sulked, slept a lot, lost his hair, became dull eyed. I did everything I could to get him interested in life again. After about 1-2 months I took him to the vet. Turns out he had developed severe hypothryoidism. Two weeks of medication and he was a totally new dog. I just didn't catch it because I though he was grieving. Long story - but my point is, that it is possible something else has crept up and a visit to your physician may be in order.

          Best of luck. I know it's hard to imagine, but the grief does become manageable over time.
          Using low lectin/nightshade free primal to control autoimmune arthritis. (And lost 50 lbs along the way )

          http://www.krispin.com/lectin.html

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by Paleobird View Post
            Hi Heather,
            I'm so sorry about your mom. I lost my dad last November and yes, it is a stressor. It is going to take a while.
            The thing that I found that helped was just to make a bargain with myself that I will do *something* physically active every day. Doesn't have to be a major workout or a marathon, just get out and go for a walk or do a project in the garden.
            Don't underestimate the power of sunlight on mood also. Getting out for a walk gets all of those things going, Vit D, fresh air, circulation. Keeps you from sinking into the couch.Hugs.
            Thank you, and I'm sorry to hear about your Dad- I didn't physically push myself at all in the early months, and have just started to move a little bit now- yoga and such. I'm in winter (NZ) so I did ask my GP to test my VitD levels just in case-we'll see how that does. Thanks for the e-hugs- always appreciated!

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by jammies View Post
              I'm very sorry for your loss. It's so much harder to lose a parent than anyone is ever prepared for. I felt like it easily took me about three years before I felt normal again. (Not that the shock and pain was so acute for the whole three years, but more that I had to learn how my life and family worked after the loss)

              Grief is a terrible drain on your resources. Do you have any support you can draw on? Sometimes local hospices will have sessions or support groups for dealing with loss. There is a great book called "On grief and grieving" written by a hospice nurse that may help. Also, sometimes a good therapist can help you keep moving forward if you feel stuck.

              Nutrition wise, make sure you are getting liver, bone broth, marrow, and oyster to keep all the micronutrient levels in your body high since you are burning through them quickly now.

              On the other hand it is important to keep in mind that is may not be the grief. I once had a pair of dogs that were incredibly bonded. One died and I was devastated. But my other dog was even worse than me. He moped, sulked, slept a lot, lost his hair, became dull eyed. I did everything I could to get him interested in life again. After about 1-2 months I took him to the vet. Turns out he had developed severe hypothryoidism. Two weeks of medication and he was a totally new dog. I just didn't catch it because I though he was grieving. Long story - but my point is, that it is possible something else has crept up and a visit to your physician may be in order.

              Best of luck. I know it's hard to imagine, but the grief does become manageable over time.
              Thanks jammies. It really hit me harder than I'd ever imagined...I think when you're an adult you expect to be more rational about it, but it's been horrible, to be honest. My Dad's health isn't (and hasn't been) very good, so to lose Mum first was like being hit by a truck. I think you are right- its about adjusting to the 'new normal'. I have done a bit of reading about grief, but it's hard after a while to know if it is part of the normal grieving process or something else.

              Support- I do have some friends, but I do find those who haven't lost a close family member/loved one dont really understand (which is fine, I dont want them to know this). I am not very good at reaching out on the dark days, so I should try to do that more.

              Nutrition- I have to admit I don't eat any of the things you listed! I should get onto that-will need to find a way to disguise those oysters... ugh.

              I am really sorry about your dog- they are such amazing creatures and totally part of the family, too.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by heatherp View Post
                These massive events really make life stop in its tracks. I keep feeling I 'should' be better by now- more back into normal life, routines etc. Thanks.
                losing someone you love is probably the biggest life changing event we go through and as an adult its actually worse as we know exactly what we've lost. I feel sad for all of you and still feel sad for myself after losing my mom.
                One of the most important things to keep in mind though is there is no should - not when it comes to grief. getting life's routines back is helpful as is doing things you enjoy but the pace needs to be your own
                When I'd had enough of the grain and starched based 'diabetic eating for health' diet (eating for health, my ass!) my weight was 242.5 lbs. On starting primal- 18th April 2013 weight : 238.1.
                27th July 2013. weight after 100 days 136.9 weight lost 101.2lb ; that's 105.6lbs since I stopped the 'diabetic eating for health'
                new journal http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...ml#post1264082

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by CarbDodger View Post
                  One of the most important things to keep in mind though is there is no should - not when it comes to grief. getting life's routines back is helpful as is doing things you enjoy but the pace needs to be your own
                  Fully agree with this. Especially the pace needs to be your own part.

                  Also Paleobird mentioned just getting out and doing SOMETHING. That's sort of where I started out. I just started walking the dog more. That just made me feel better all the way around.

                  You never stop missing them but you sort of learn to live with it.
                  Breathe. Move forward.

                  I just eat what I want...

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Thanks all- really appreciate the replies. x

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I am sorry for your loss. I lost a friend 2 years ago and even though she was not my mother, and I didn't know her for a very long time, the event made a huge impact on my life. I learned a lot of wisdom from this woman. She lived her life the right way and on her high character terms, she never betrayed her ideals and principles.

                      There is no set time table for grief resolution. It may take the rest of your whole life to learn to "accept" or "come to terms" with the grief. Each individual handles these situations uniquely.

                      Your spiritual heart has been cracked and deprived of a massive amount of energy. Your brain recognizes this and is diverting physical and mental energies to help you cope with your significant loss, until your spiritual heart chambers can mend and start to refill again.

                      Will this heart mend to its original state, most likely not. Will your spiritual energies ever return to its original levels? Maybe not. In time your brain will recognize that it no longer needs to divert the physical and mental energies to support the spirit and emotions. In time and new experiences you may develop a new spiritual heart chamber to fill up.

                      I have made a couple new friends over these 2 years since my loss and I am trying to fill up these new chambers with every little bit of energy/wisdom I can get.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Hi Stephen
                        Thanks for the note. When Mum died, a friend who'd also lost a parent said pretty bluntly that the pain only gets a little bit better, but you get a lot better at dealing with it. That feels about right. I'm way better now, but when the grief hits, it's still so fresh. I keep trying to get back to how I was and it's not working... in terms of exercise I cant seem to push as hard or be as motivated. With food, I'm eating PB, but definitely over/comfort eating. And my 'spark' has definitely dulled from how I used to be.

                        I think you're right re the spiritual heart, though I'd never really looked at it that way. Mum was definitely the rock and constant in my life and we were so close. You do feel untethered to the world for a long time afterwards (and in many ways I still do).

                        I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. Grief is what you feel when you lose something of value, and her friendship was clearly of value to you. Take care of yourself.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          [QUOTE=heatherp;1232343] I keep trying to get back to how I was and it's not working... And my 'spark' has definitely dulled from how I used to be.[QUOTE]

                          Just want to sneak in a big hug to you kiddywinks. You're not gonna go back, you'll move to a new place that's ok, with a different kind of spark. I'm not sure how to explain it. It's just going to take time.

                          I have my signature for a reason...
                          Breathe. Move forward.

                          I just eat what I want...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Try flower essences:
                            The Original Bach Flower Remedies - www.BachFlower.com

                            They are fairly affordable and can be purchased at most Whole Foods. Store away from computer and electrical outlets.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by excursivey View Post
                              Just want to sneak in a big hug to you kiddywinks. You're not gonna go back, you'll move to a new place that's ok, with a different kind of spark. I'm not sure how to explain it. It's just going to take time.
                              I have my signature for a reason...
                              Hugs always appreciated - thanks excursivey.
                              I keep having to remind myself to move through this grief naturally- trying to move on past it is counter-intuitive. I hope you are right about the different spark coming back... though I read today about how 'it is within the depths of darkness that you discover within you an inextinguishable light, and it is this light that illuminates the way forward'...can only hope that's true.

                              Inhale, exhale. x

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