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Grief as a stressor- 6 months in?

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  • #16
    Originally posted by heatherp View Post
    I read today about how 'it is within the depths of darkness that you discover within you an inextinguishable light, and it is this light that illuminates the way forward'...can only hope that's true.
    I believe it is exactly true...
    Breathe. Move forward.

    I just eat what I want...

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    • #17
      Hi, heatherp - I'm sorry for your loss.
      When my dad died, someone told me that when you are grieving, it takes 80% of your energy to grieve - leaving you just 20% of your normal energy to do everything else - personal hygiene, sleeping, eating, communicating... so you can see how you may not feel up to your old routine, even now after 6 months.

      I just remember having a really rough time around the 6 month anniversary. Part of it related to what you are saying - I felt like I "should" be better by that point, and it felt like the world had moved on without me. I felt disconnected at times, like what if we all woke up tomorrow and the sky was orange instead of blue - and you were the only person who seemed to remember that the sky was once blue, with everyone else just walking around like it was nothing new. That's how it felt for me at times.

      I read some great stuff by Alan Wolfelt on grieving, and I even was able to attend one of his conferences. You may want to check out his articles on his website - I know they really helped me. Here's a link: Center For Loss - Someone I Love Has Died. Take it easy on yourself - one step at a time. Trust that you will feel a little bit better each day.

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      • #18
        Originally posted by badwolf View Post
        Hi, heatherp - I'm sorry for your loss.
        When my dad died, someone told me that when you are grieving, it takes 80% of your energy to grieve - leaving you just 20% of your normal energy to do everything else - personal hygiene, sleeping, eating, communicating... so you can see how you may not feel up to your old routine, even now after 6 months.

        I just remember having a really rough time around the 6 month anniversary. Part of it related to what you are saying - I felt like I "should" be better by that point, and it felt like the world had moved on without me. I felt disconnected at times, like what if we all woke up tomorrow and the sky was orange instead of blue - and you were the only person who seemed to remember that the sky was once blue, with everyone else just walking around like it was nothing new. That's how it felt for me at times.

        I read some great stuff by Alan Wolfelt on grieving, and I even was able to attend one of his conferences. You may want to check out his articles on his website - I know they really helped me. Here's a link: Center For Loss - Someone I Love Has Died. Take it easy on yourself - one step at a time. Trust that you will feel a little bit better each day.
        Hey badwolf- thanks for the lovely post and your thoughts (liking the sassy tag-name, I really need to work on creativity!).
        I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. Dad's are enormously special *hug*

        The 80/20 energy rule (huh, where have I heard 80/20 before...) sounds about right- I literally could just get to work (dressed in varying styles approximating 'ragamuffin') and get home again and that was exhausting. That was partly why I started eating PB- wanted to do what I could to nourish myself when it felt I was in shock. Communicating was beyond me.

        You totally nailed it... everyone else has moved on and I'm still stuck here, just blindsided by it and not wanting to get used to life without her. If I think too much that she wont be here if I meet and guy and get married, have kids- that is what ruins me.

        I'll check out the site now- thank you for the link! x

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        • #19
          I understand what you mean! Each new experience that he wasn't there for, no matter how happy I was, a part of my heart just ached from the loss. I wrote this super long poem about all the things I missed about him... it was therapeutic if not the best poem ever

          I hope the site was helpful and that you are finding comfort in small things this week.
          I don't know what your beliefs are about the after life, but I believe they are somewhat aware - at least occasionally - of how we are doing. There are times I believe that my dad is cheering me on. I'm sure that your Mum is cheering for you, too!

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