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Ways to Primally annoy people.

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  • Ways to Primally annoy people.

    When at home...
    1.- Go shampoo, soap and deodorant free. In the middle of Summer. While training for a marathon/weightlifting contest/crossfit...etc
    2.- Go to bed when the sun goes down. Refuse to wake up before it comes up. Growl and bite anyone who attempts to disturb you.
    3.- Experiment with Vonderplanitz's rotten meat.
    3b.- Experiment with rotting everything. (Especially effective when you share a fridge with anyone.)
    4.- Try and make ornaments and jewellery from avocado pits and chicken bones.
    5.- Alternatively, collect meat bones in a box labelled '2013'. When people look in the box or try and touch the bones, growl at them and snatch it away.
    6.- Make an altar to Grok. Smear butter or lard on it for luck before you cook a meal.
    7.- Insist that your house is clothing-optional, even regarding guests.
    8.- Buy any vegetarians/vegans in the household some bacon. Wrap it in a bow and put it in their cupboard.
    9.- Dramatically pretend to asphyxiate and collapse whenever non-Primal food can be seen, smelled or is even mentioned.
    10.- Turn every argument around into a debate as to how Primally realistic cheese is. If nobody follows, proceed to argue as though they were arguing against you anyway.

    When at work...
    1.- When you do a tea-run, sprint back and forth in and out of the offices as the kettle boils. Try to start a conversation while doing this.
    2.- Experiment with Vonderplanitz's rotten meat in the shared fridge.
    2b.- Experiment with rotting everything.
    3.- Let people assume you're low-carb or on Atkins. Keep low-carb in their presence. A month later, without explanation, eat half a kilo of starchy tubers in front of them at lunch.
    4.- When at break and others are eating cereal bars, casually eat butter from a 250g slab. (Extra points if it's 500g.) Grin and show people your butter-teeth at every opportunity.
    5.- Try and go barefoot or sneak vibrams into every formal situation possible.
    6.- Complain about the lack of tribal unity on your floor/in your department. Suggest that going to war with another floor/department is needed, to revive bonds.
    7.- When someone brings in cupcakes, take one, poke it, sniff it, roll it on the table, lick it and poke it again before grunting and throwing it at the wall. Ask for another one.
    8.- Get a styrofoam spear. Throw it at people whenever they mention exercise and at phones whenever they ring. Ignore it otherwise.
    9.- Leave banana-peels, avocado peels, egg-shells and chicken bones all over your desk. Claim you're making it homely. Call your partner/housemate/kid to verify that you do indeed keep a pile of chicken bones around your house for decoration.
    10.- Sit down next-to the office vegetarian/vegan/meataphobe and eat a whole rotisserie chicken for lunch. Make lots of 'happy-eating-sounds'.

    When out and about...
    1.- Make and wear a WWGD? bracelet. Ask it out loud whether or not you should do something. Pretend it talks back. Consult it for EVERYTHING.
    2.- Wear a "I would rather go barefoot than wear shoes" T-shirt. Growl at people when they tell you it doesn't make sense.
    3.- Continually ask whether obvious meat-products are vegan. Act shocked when people say they aren't.
    4.- Insist that shellfish are vegetables. When people say they aren't, ask why they grow on tress, then.
    5.- Climb every tree available and leer at passersby from the branches.
    6.- Go shirtless whenever possible and walk moving your hips and chest comically. Insist that is how you walk naturally while flexing every muscle you can.
    7.- Walk along calmly until you're level with someone else on the sidewalk and break into a mad sprint for no reason at all.
    8.- Whenever the sky clouds over, do a rain-dance. Look dejected whenever it doesn't work.
    9.- Whenever a friend buys a fizzy drink, apologize to the salesperson for their actions.
    10.- Get a heavy wooden club and carry it everywhere. Use it for pointing at things, indicating directions and getting people's attention.

    When in the supermarket...
    1.- Get packets of bacon and place one in front of every visible item in the bread aisle.
    2.- Hide the low-fat yoghurts in the cake section of the fridge.
    3.- Or replace them all with butter.
    4.- Keep going to the sales clerks and asking them if they have any (insert rarely-found Primal food here). If they don't, ask for a complaint form.
    5.- Ask a clerk if they have (insert common non-Primal food here). When they say they do, scowl and ask for a complaint form.
    6.- If the supermarket is usually lenient with people snacking on crisps before they buy them, then go around snacking on butter and/or carrots.
    7.- Insist that the butcher's make a tray of free samples with cocktail sticks like they have at the deli.
    8.- Honour the spirits of the animals at the meat-aisle by throwing sand over everything and chanting.
    9.- Stalk your vegetables. Leap on them, grab them (shake them to make them appear alive), slam them against something to 'kill' them, hold them against your ear to confirm they're 'dead' and throw them into the basket, one by one. Growl and roar throughout.
    10.- Follow people around, taking non-Primal foods out of their baskets and replacing them. When asked what you're doing, say you thought they put it there by mistake.
    --
    Perfection is entirely individual. Any philosophy or pursuit that encourages individuality has merit in that it frees people. Any that encourages shackles only has merit in that it shows you how wrong and desperate the human mind can get in its pursuit of truth.

    --
    I get blunter and more narcissistic by the day.
    I'd apologize, but...

  • #2
    My way to annoy people is to be in good shape. And when they ask me if I'm a vegetarian -- which they always assume -- I tell them no, I'm paleo. I eat meat, saturated fat and very few carbs.

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    • #3
      kochin why do you believe you need to do these things? lol


      I very much value the ability to do whatever I need to and not hesitate over it (beyond the reasonable assessment, of course) or worry about feeling guilty afterwards. No internal repercussions.
      "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

      Jack london, "Before Adam"

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      • #4
        when in the supermarket...
        1.- get packets of bacon and place one in front of every visible item in the bread aisle.
        2.- hide the low-fat yoghurts in the cake section of the fridge.
        3.- or replace them all with butter.
        4.- keep going to the sales clerks and asking them if they have any (insert rarely-found primal food here). If they don't, ask for a complaint form.
        5.- ask a clerk if they have (insert common non-primal food here). When they say they do, scowl and ask for a complaint form.
        6.- if the supermarket is usually lenient with people snacking on crisps before they buy them, then go around snacking on butter and/or carrots.
        7.- insist that the butcher's make a tray of free samples with cocktail sticks like they have at the deli.
        8.- honour the spirits of the animals at the meat-aisle by throwing sand over everything and chanting.
        9.- stalk your vegetables. Leap on them, grab them (shake them to make them appear alive), slam them against something to 'kill' them, hold them against your ear to confirm they're 'dead' and throw them into the basket, one by one. Growl and roar throughout.
        10.- follow people around, taking non-primal foods out of their baskets and replacing them. When asked what you're doing, say you thought they put it there by mistake.
        lol!
        "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

        B*tch-lite

        Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

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        • #5
          I want to be your best friend. Hilarious. I will read this many times.
          be the hair that knots with my hair
          - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
          primal since oct. 1, 2012

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          • #6
            Awesome. Truly awesome.
            Crohn's, doing SCD

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            • #7
              That was hilarious! I want to grocery shop with you!

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Kochin View Post
                When in the supermarket...
                1.- Get packets of bacon and place one in front of every visible item in the bread aisle.
                2.- Hide the low-fat yoghurts in the cake section of the fridge.
                3.- Or replace them all with butter.
                Brilliant. Also, note to self not to shop in Cardiff ...
                Me, My Father and The Alzheimer's - http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread84213.html

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                • #9
                  Brilliant-thanks!

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
                    kochin why do you believe you need to do these things? lol
                    I just found the concept funny.
                    --
                    Perfection is entirely individual. Any philosophy or pursuit that encourages individuality has merit in that it frees people. Any that encourages shackles only has merit in that it shows you how wrong and desperate the human mind can get in its pursuit of truth.

                    --
                    I get blunter and more narcissistic by the day.
                    I'd apologize, but...

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Tears of laughter, remind me never to live/work/shop with you though.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Thanks for the wonderful laugh!

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                        • #13
                          My way to annoy people, and I realize it's purely in my head and nobody is annoyed let alone even notices, is I go into the gym, take a cursory glance at all the pony tails bouncing behind the stairmasters, then I pick up a heavy barbell a couple of times, then I go do 4 minutes of tabatas on an exercise bike. Then I stagger out the door, pony tails still bouncing away.
                          Female, 5'3", 50, Max squat: 202.5lbs. Max deadlift: 225 x 3.

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                          • #14
                            Brilliant!

                            I'll add one more

                            When at the market buying meat, pick out the cuts you want, take a marker and draw an animal face on the package, throw the package down the aisle chasing after it. Pick it up with your teeth and drop it in your basket.
                            Randal
                            AKA: Texas Grok

                            Originally posted by texas.grok
                            Facebook is to intelligence what a black hole is to light
                            http://hardcoremind.com/

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                            • #15
                              I really do think of shellfish as vegetables.

                              Sent from my Nexus 4 using Marks Daily Apple Forum mobile app

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