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  • Online Dating

    Anyone have success? What works, what doesn't?

    Is it a humongous waste of time because the people are socially inept?
    Is it worth it because you can automate your mate-finding and spend more time getting more work done or doing other things you enjoy?

    (And hush to the person that says it's not primal from their own keyboard and monitor)

  • #2
    i met my guy in a chatroom i'd been hanging out in for a few months. during that time i was subjected to many unwanted penises and weird people. for example, i was chatting about pets with a guy and he asked if i wanted to see his dog and i said sure, so he showed me his dog. and then he showed me his penis.

    my guy was not a penis shower, and he was fun to talk to, and i liked him. and he liked me too. and happy ever after.

    i imagine that dating sites will work much the same way, with many unwanted penises until you find someone you like

    and i hate to break it to you, but if you think only socially inept people online date.. and you're online dating...................

    in other words, all kinds of people go online now, it ain't a big deal
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
    lol

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    • #3
      Several of my friends have met their partners (long term committed relationships in various formations from married to open, committed) through online dating. I think it's just fine.

      There is, apparently, a "science" to finding people. Or writing the right kind of profile thingy.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by bloodorchid View Post
        i met my guy in a chatroom i'd been hanging out in for a few months. during that time i was subjected to many unwanted penises and weird people. for example, i was chatting about pets with a guy and he asked if i wanted to see his dog and i said sure, so he showed me his dog. and then he showed me his penis.

        my guy was not a penis shower, and he was fun to talk to, and i liked him. and he liked me too. and happy ever after.

        i imagine that dating sites will work much the same way, with many unwanted penises until you find someone you like

        and i hate to break it to you, but if you think only socially inept people online date.. and you're online dating...................

        in other words, all kinds of people go online now, it ain't a big deal
        What if you aren't looking for the love of your life?
        Yet, I am not trying to collect a million notches of one night stands either. Maybe 1,000... Seriously though, I'd like something more consistent. I want a FWB/GF kind of combo. I like some attributes from both situations.

        And I didn't mean social ineptness in the classical "online dating with Cheetos stains" sense. I actually meant shyness in girls, which I've seen quite a bit in my experience. Shyness tells me there's a lack of experience and/or a lack of confidence in social situations. Essentially, it's ineptness from my eyes. I do realize that meeting people off the internet CAN be dangerous, but I think this type of fear goes overboard. It's the whole "stranger danger" meme that kids are taught, so now every kid fears ALL strangers – an overreaction in my opinion. This doesn't go for all girls I've seen; it's just a type that I see persist as I peruse the members.

        I'm not trying to say online dating is a big deal or anything. Those, who think it is, get embarrassed and just show their insecurities. I just look at it as another means of finding women, and it might be a more efficient means if I could master it a little better...

        PS- LOL at penis shower. The main male form of social ineptness seems to be passive-aggressiveness. Passive in discussion with you, and then BAM! Penis.

        PSS- The passive-aggressiveness is PARTLY a reaction to the shyness of girls I believe. If they come out aggressive right away, 100 out of 100 shy girls turn them down. They go back to the drawing board, scheme a new play with the same ultimate goal, and decide sweet talk + a penis shot is just the ticket. The non-inept gives up instead of going back to the drawing board. He realizes the shy girl is a losing battle, so he saves his energy to find the confident chick, but this type has dwindling numbers.
        Last edited by wiltondeportes; 06-07-2013, 02:41 AM.

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        • #5
          Meeting someone online can be the flipside of meeting someone in real life. What I mean is, you know that situation in real life where you see someone who makes your blood race, but then on that first date, you wonder how the hell you can get out without hurting her/his feelings? Online is often the opposite. The rap is the thing. So someone can get your juices going if they communicate well, but then you meet them and the physical thing is about as hot as it is with your 80 year old Uncle Bernie.

          OTOH, I lived with someone for about seven years that I met online. We're still friends and call each other once a month. So there's nothing weird about it.

          I think meeting in chat rooms and placing ads are different experiences also. I don't know anything about specific dating sites. I once placed an ad and had to wade through so much absurdity that I was truly grateful that I'd gotten a garbage email account. Guys that tried to impress me by telling me all about their expensive toys, guys that had to make it clear that even though they were in their 60s, they could still get it up (in an introductory email, really?), guys that wanted to find the love of their life to take out of the city and to their home in the middle of freakin' nowhere... But I got a few fun dates out of it, so it wasn't a total waste. I wasn't looking for anything serious - which anyone with a lick of sense would have known from the ad.
          "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

          B*tch-lite

          Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by wiltondeportes View Post
            What if you aren't looking for the love of your life?
            Then you will be competing with millions of men for several orders of magnitude fewer women who are looking for a quick hookup with a stranger.

            I met my guy on OKCupid after many propositions from impatient guys who didn't want to get to know me but needed to hook up NOW.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by eKatherine View Post
              Then you will be competing with millions of men for several orders of magnitude fewer women who are looking for a quick hookup with a stranger.

              I met my guy on OKCupid after many propositions from impatient guys who didn't want to get to know me but needed to hook up NOW.
              The great numbers game.... I was hoping though that female and sexual liberation would make women a little more short term in attitude.

              For the record: I am open to a relationship after the fact.
              Last edited by wiltondeportes; 06-07-2013, 02:56 AM.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by JoanieL View Post
                Meeting someone online can be the flipside of meeting someone in real life. What I mean is, you know that situation in real life where you see someone who makes your blood race, but then on that first date, you wonder how the hell you can get out without hurting her/his feelings? Online is often the opposite. The rap is the thing. So someone can get your juices going if they communicate well, but then you meet them and the physical thing is about as hot as it is with your 80 year old Uncle Bernie.

                OTOH, I lived with someone for about seven years that I met online. We're still friends and call each other once a month. So there's nothing weird about it.

                I think meeting in chat rooms and placing ads are different experiences also. I don't know anything about specific dating sites. I once placed an ad and had to wade through so much absurdity that I was truly grateful that I'd gotten a garbage email account. Guys that tried to impress me by telling me all about their expensive toys, guys that had to make it clear that even though they were in their 60s, they could still get it up (in an introductory email, really?), guys that wanted to find the love of their life to take out of the city and to their home in the middle of freakin' nowhere... But I got a few fun dates out of it, so it wasn't a total waste. I wasn't looking for anything serious - which anyone with a lick of sense would have known from the ad.
                That first paragraph is hilarious because it's so true. To me, a bunch of Uncle Bernie experiences are the end-game of endless calculated messages that mean nothing about nothing. The other option is to just date off of attraction and hope to find relationships after. Both systems will take a long time to find a relationship, but you can guess which one is more fun.
                Last edited by wiltondeportes; 06-07-2013, 02:54 AM.

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                • #9
                  be honest but charming. that way the crazy ladies can't say 'but i know you love me, we sexed. i'm pregnant! don't go!'

                  but before i forget, the majority of women who reject penis shows aren't shy, they (and i) are disgusted and i, at least, view those men as pushy, aggressive and disgusting assholes. time and place, yo. just because my font is arousing doesn't mean you can try to shove your dick in my screen.

                  but yeah, charmingly honest with buzz words like 'casual'. and a normal picture of a happy smiling you, no weird set up pics with duck lips and candle light and unbuttoned shirts (or pants). if/when you send greetings to women's profiles, don't use pick ups, just expand on 'hello, you sound interesting and i was hoping we could chat'

                  be prepared for weirdos

                  be prepared for crazy

                  you can do this. who's the man? YOU'RE THE MAN!
                  beautiful
                  yeah you are

                  Baby if you time travel back far enough you can avoid that work because the dust won't be there. You're too pretty to be working that hard.
                  lol

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Ha! I just found a source that backs up the behavior I'm explaining. I read this a really long time ago, and I hadn't been able to find it for other things that I wanted to use it for since then.

                    Calhoun's Mice Studies
                    Death By Utopia

                    After day 600, the male mice just stopped defending their territory, listless mice congregated in the centres of the Universe. These gangs would burst into pointless and sporadic violence. Females stopped reproducing and even started attacking their own young. Mortality rose phenomenally. Roaming mice either attacked or attempted to mount others, irrespective of relation or gender, cannibalism and other acts of depravity consumed them. These were the feral ones. Then there were the ‘beautiful ones.’
                    This has nothing to do with online dating, but it can be used to analyze current affairs in the world. Many congruencies with high density areas within our society. The best example, to me, is Los Angeles. Gangs, Rape, Murder, Lack of offspring from people who can afford it (professionals), Nihilism, Rape (I like rape... JK movie reference), Hollywood, and growing levels of gay/lesbian/transsexual people.

                    I think it's the end game of selfish genes all fighting to reproduce themselves without enough environmental checks to keep this behavior from becoming addictive and all encompassing.

                    Some might say: "humans just need to progress beyond this selfishness" like it's a moral wrong or something. Selfish genes are the only firepower that makes us keep going from day to day. They are what makes us live. Take away human selfishness (in other words, desire to survive 1. as oneself 2. as one's genes 3. as one's meme's), and you will take away life. Zero selfishness means the world survives and we go extinct. (Are you happy, human-hating tree-huggers?)

                    The ‘beautiful ones’ withdrew themselves ever so quietly, removing themselves from the sick society. Solitary pursuits began to define them; eating, drinking and grooming among others. No scars on their back or hairs out-of-place, these mice behaved like a separate race. They saw the world through their narrow scopes, as they tossed, turned and tried to cope.
                    This is what I see out of a lot of the more attractive young women out there. Certainly not all of them, but there is a portion who have felt the effects of a 'utopia', and they act in this manner. This is another element of the shyness I'm speaking of.

                    On the topic of "the beautiful ones", I bet this 'utopian effect' is a contributing factor to the rising amount of gay people. They are mega-primpers. I can't really say the same for lesbians or transsexuals though.
                    Last edited by wiltondeportes; 06-07-2013, 03:55 AM.

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                    • #11
                      Most women on sites like that are looking to get to know guys, with the understanding that later they may meet and have a physical relationship. They know that most guys are looking for fast sex and imagine that if the sex is good enough and the woman charming and good-looking enough, they may want to get to know her. Later. And the women know some of the guys are outright lying about it and many more are being dishonest with themselves about their intentions.

                      That's the morass you are dropping into.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by eKatherine View Post
                        Most women on sites like that are looking to get to know guys, with the understanding that later they may meet and have a physical relationship. They know that most guys are looking for fast sex and imagine that if the sex is good enough and the woman charming and good-looking enough, they may want to get to know her. Later. And the women know some of the guys are outright lying about it and many more are being dishonest with themselves about their intentions.

                        That's the morass you are dropping into.
                        That isn't any different from the dating game as a whole though.

                        After recalling that Calhoun study, I feel even stronger in my convictions that sex must be freed and the "nuclear family" must be nuked for people to be happier with these social arrangements in our huge modern society. Of course, the only logical way for this to happen is to create even denser networks, ala the tribes that we were once a part of. Will this necessitate a move away from dense populations? Or can a polyamorous society succeed with the current infastructure?

                        THAT is one hell of a question that I have yet to answer.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by wiltondeportes View Post
                          That isn't any different from the dating game as a whole though.

                          After recalling that Calhoun study, I feel even stronger in my convictions that sex must be freed and the "nuclear family" must be nuked for people to be happier with these social arrangements in our huge modern society. Of course, the only logical way for this to happen is to create even denser networks, ala the tribes that we were once a part of. Will this necessitate a move away from dense populations? Or can a polyamorous society succeed with the current infastructure?

                          THAT is one hell of a question that I have yet to answer.
                          You'll fit right in. Most women expect that many of the men on such sites are opposed to marriage on principle, but are not opposed to women supporting them or waiting on them hand and foot.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by eKatherine View Post
                            You'll fit right in. Most women expect that many of the men on such sites are opposed to marriage on principle, but are not opposed to women supporting them or waiting on them hand and foot.
                            You're saying I'll fit in with the girls? Because you said I would fit in with the guys in your last post.
                            Last edited by wiltondeportes; 06-07-2013, 03:57 AM.

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                            • #15
                              My neighbor shared a lot about online dating with me. I heard all about the penis pics and, well, she sent men pic of her pussy.

                              OK, let's just equate this to the old way. If we met at the grocery, you said, hey cutie, nice bacon. And I said thanks.... then you showed me your dick. I'd call the police. If I showed you my twat, you'd probably leave me a $50 when we were done.

                              Oddly, I met some of the men she dated, and a couple were genuinely nice and concerned about her. And I was always like, why the hell are they swapping pics of their genitals? That's just bizarre. It's not like in most relationships you spend hours that much time looking at a cock or pussy. I'd be more impressed with a pic of your tidy kitchen or clean car.

                              The other thing....she had a formula for her profile.... and it didn't reflect her at all. It was a generic woman who "enjoys football (no), her dog (that she tried to give to me) and cooking (no)".

                              Now another friend did online dating and found girls that were perfect on paper, then had no chemistry with them.

                              http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
                              Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

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